A bit of advice for any 80’s rock stars lurking about this message board.
If VH1 calls asking to do one of those “Where are they now” shows on you…
DON’T DO IT!!
Oh sure, they seem really nice at first, getting you cheese danishes and asking softball questions. Pretty soon you get to trusting them, and in a fit of hubris you give them the whole bullshit rock n’ roll life story your publicist cooked up in 1986.
You’ll get so confident that your not at all suspicious when they refuse to show you the finished product pre-broadcast. You invite your friends over to your house to watch it.
Oh, it starts harmlessly enough. The early years of struggle, snapshots of you in your first band (The Penetrators, how embarrasing), hair, spandex, acne…
Ugh, did they HAVE to show that picture of me with that big cold sore!?
Your not sure when you start looking like a total fool. Maybe it’s when they show that interview you did with Arsenio Hall when you said you were a more inspirational figure than Jesus. Maybe it’s when they show that video you did with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Perhaps it’s when they mention that you blew two million dollars on a three legged racehorse, only to get coked-up and crash him into your Ferrari…
Ugh, did they HAVE to mention my brief, bitter marrage to “Facts of Life” actress Mindy Cohen?
God, did they HAVE to show my mugshot from that arrest for urinating in public?
Sigh. Well, at least they’re going to plug my new album…
Say, guys. You’d tell me if I looked silly with my tattoos and goatee and crowsfeet, right?
Is there any more cocaine left?
So if you are the lead singer of, say, Kajagoogoo, or Level 42, or Fine Young Cannibals, or Scritti Politti, think twice about that interview. If you manage not to make a total fool of youself in the immediate future there still a chance for your flash-in-the-pan song to be used in a Burger King commercial, then a comfortable retirement.
P.S: If your John Oates of “Hall and Oates” you may as well do the interview.