An open letter to Kerry Wood with a cc to Vin Diesel

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

To: Kerry Wood, phenom pitcher of the Chicago Cubs and resident “Good boy”

From: Jarbabyj

Date: 7/26/02

Re: your status on the list

cc: Vin “Three Packs A Day” Diesel

Kerry,

We’ve had a long life together, haven’t we? I’ve been following your career since day one, when you were a young, fresh faced rookie, on your way to 20 strikeouts against the Houston Astros. I stood by you while you went through surgery, when you were diagnosed with a heart defect, and indeed, when you walked more batters than you struck out. I have loved you Kerry…and you have lived a good life on – The List.

But, I’m afraid Management has decided to make a change Kerry. And it pains me. It pains me indeed.

I’m afraid we’ve seen Pitch Black five times now, and our undaunted enthusiasm for xXx is building like an orgasm in the tight trembling womb of a young Irish virgin.

I’m afraid it’s Vin Diesel, Kerry. His ability to both build his upper body into a near Grecian masterpiece and cultivate a voice that sounds like melted caramel dripped from a spoon onto warm and waiting tongue has outdone your somewhat pasty…white boy image.

We realize he is not necessarily a brain trust. We realize his name is actually Mark Vincent. BUT we are not interested in his ability to build computers or fill out tax returns. To put it frankly Kerry: We are interested in his body. His rippled, taut, golden tan body and brooding eyes. We are interested in his furrowed brow, his angled jaw, his strong shoulders and his fine fine fine fine abs.

We wish you all the best in the future Kerry…and good luck with that dog faced, gold digger “fiance” of yours.

We’ll keep your looks and sexiness on file, and contact you if we have any further openings.

if you know what I mean.

sincerely,

jarbabyj

2

Oh, sure.

First he’s the 10th most abused arm (as measured by Pitcher Abuse Points) on Baseball Prospectus and now this.

What’s a young Texan to do?

3

Splendid.

Is that really Vin Diesel’s body in the holycrap pic?

If it is, I see why he’s made The List.

:o

4

I’m right with you, girl. My SO has given up on me wanting to see any othermovie until xXx, and leaves the television on Pitch Black or Fast and the Furious simply because he knows I’ll cry if I discover it was on and I missed it.

Mmmm Vin…

5

that IS Vin Diesel in the holy crap pic,

DEAR GODS WHY IS THE CAMERA NOT FOCUSED LOWER!!!

6

Hit the Bowflex for a few hours?

7

Wait a minute - I have a copy of that holycrap pic somewhere around here… I think it needs to find its way into my shrine… :wink:

Hey, as long as the man is photogenic, I’ll get someone else to fix my 'puter. He just has to decorate it. :smiley:

8

Jarbabyj, does this mean that you are all over Til Lindeman?

9

no no no

Please. Let’s not get crazy. Till is, and always will be, Number One on the list.

It would take the very cross manifestation of Hellboy and Wolverine to knock him from his throne.

Till, Vin, Brian, Doug and Hugh.

That is the list.