Analyze this joke please

Cafe Society
1

I know this joke is funny for a few reasons, but I’d be interested to see it really parsed to find out if I’m getting all of it.

Remember “Duck & Cover”, the asinine strategy for protecting yourself from a nuclear blast? In the recent film Sputnik Mania Sergei Kruschev (son of Nikita) told a joke which he felt illustrated the Soviet attitude toward civil protection during the Cold War:

**Government Official: “If you see a nuclear flash, first cover yourself with a reflective object. Then crawl very slowly to the nearest cemetary.”

Citizen: “Why slowly?”

Official: “Well, you don’t want to cause a panic.”**

I’m guessing this is a somewhat typical Russian joke, and is probably even funnier in that language. It seems there are several layers to this it:

  • The idea that any sort of action should be necessary in the face of imminent doom

  • Nobody will be around to bury you if you get to the cemetary

  • This sort of advice might just be plausibly issued by the Soviet goverment

  • The idea that if doom is seconds away, that causing a momentary panic would be harmful

Any other reasons why this joke is funny? It’s just become one of my favorites.

2

Hadn’t heard that one but I like it.

Related to your last point, that running around will cause a panic but the 10MT explosion that just went BOOM would not.

3

“If you see a nuclear flash, first cover yourself with a reflective object.”

Presumably this is to protect yourself from the nuclear flash. Which has already arrived.

I think this advice is probably an insightful hint at the Russian attitude about government efficiency in the Soviet era.

ETA: The notion of someone sparking a panic by crawling too quickly is also kind of funny in and of itself.

4

No end of trouble if all those soon-corpses caused a run on the banks. Black humor, indeed.

5

Because it’s very, very bleak and it’s a funny illustration of a clueless, controlling government: ‘we wouldn’t want people to panic for a couple of minutes before the nuclear fallout kills them.’

6

It’s funny to me for two reasons:

  • the Government advice to cover yourself AFTER the flash is reminiscent of the UK Government’s pathetic advice about atomic bombs (which was something like “If a bomb lands on your city, cover the windows and hide under a table”) :rolleyes::smack:

  • you’re all going to die - but don’t cause a panic (this is like asking “why are lethal injection needles sterilised?”)

7

It is funny because first they give advice on how to protect yourself by covering yourself with a shiny object:

Then they show that they already know their advice won’t work as they tell you to head to a cemetry. The crawl slowly part to avoid panic just makes it funnier.

8

I’d have told it like this:

**Government Official: “If you see a nuclear flash, first cover yourself with a reflective object. Then crawl very slowly to the nearest cemetary.”

Citizen: “Why slowly?”

Official: "Causing a panic would interfere with the collectivization of the proletariat and the elimination of the bourgeoisie and is punishable by five years hard labor "**

That brings in the Soviet propaganda machine and harsh punishments for anti-revolutionary activities.

9

:dubious:

Do not abandon the valued work that you contribute during the day, Comrade Bill.

:wink:

10

You’d be surprised how hard it is to work “Resolutely strive against the paper tiger neo-colonialists” into a punch line.

11

Reminds me of this good one from Blackadder:

G: “If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do ?”
EB: “Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area.”

12

Or this exchange from another British classic, the Young Ones:
RICK: Neil, can you lend me…What are you doing?

[Neil is reading his survival manual while painting himself white with a paintbrush]

NEIL: Oh, painting myself white to deflect the blast!

RICK: That’s great, isn’t it? Racial discrimination, even in death!
from the episode, “Bomb”