And here's your Dec. rants thread - Merry Christbitchmas!

And “Bah. Humbug.” too.

My bitch is at myself.

Self, why do you let crap pile up on your desk with no rhyme or reason? Now you’ve got 2 things that need to get done pretty much immediately, and it’s going to take you a fair chunk of time just to find the pertinent papers, and you know it’s going to also end up costing you more time as you sort and organize while hunting. No fun for you today, dumbass!

I’m home sick today. :frowning: I’ve had some stomach issues since late Monday night/early Tuesday morning, and I thought I had them under control, but it got bad last night. I can’t decide if it’s food-related, or if I picked up some virus. I have a lot of stuff I need to do at work (deadline next week), and I can’t do it remotely. Worst of all, my mother got so worried about me last night that she almost had a panic attack.

Hang the fuck up ----- AND DRIVE!

I like to keep an eye on the fluid levels in the vehicles of various family members and friends. Never has this been hard for me, after all you just pull out a dipstick and look at the fluid level. At least it was easy until I checked under the hood of my girlfriend’s 97 Isuzu Rodeo. I spent 30 minutes looking for the dipstick for the transmission, and never found it.

I finally looked online, and found out you can’t check the transmission fluid yourself. There is no dipstick. You have to take the damn thing into a dealership or mechanic who happens to no something about isuzus to have it checked, or to have any put in.

Seriously, wtf? That should be a simple 5 minute job that costs $4, max. Now it’s gonna cost her who knows what to get it checked and filled if it needs any transmission fluid.

Up until yesterday I thought having to remove the left wheel and part of the dash assembly to change spark plugs in a ford aerostar was the worst thing i"d run into when it comes to general maintenance of a car. This is my new benchmark for that. Dumb ass engineers.

Asshole neighbor’s lawn service presently has six leafblowers going on at once right now. SIX. I hope she spends the rest of her life locked up in a room filled with car alarms, crying babies and a few dozen disembodied hands all crawling along the world’s largest blackboard.

I pit myself, because I’m beginning to suspect that I love food just a little bit more than I hate to be fat. The disparity isn’t enough to make me throw my hands up in despair and quit trying to lose weight, but it’s enough to make self-control twice as hard and three times more miserable.

At least I’ve managed to hang on to a 25-pound weight loss for more than two years. I can cling to that. But I’ve gained and lost the same five or ten pounds dozens of times over the last six months.

We woke up last night at 1:45 to an ungodly shrieking - apparently smoke detectors do that when their battery runs out. On the plus side, our house didn’t burn down, we’re both alive this morning, and we know that we won’t sleep through a real alarm. And that smoke detector works - well, it will, when I replace the battery.

Here’s how holiday get-together scheduling should be decided:

People with kids + jobs get 2 votes
People with jobs get 1 vote
People who are retired get .5 votes

I love you grandma and grandpa but you’re retired, and discussing and scheduling our Christmas get-together with my retired dad is kind of an ass move. Guess what? No one can get together on the day you chose.

I’m glad the people with kids and jobs finally spoke up and said “hey, that’s a bad day for us.”

So, are you going to insist that she get another car, or are you just going to get yourself a new girlfriend?

Word. I just recently purchased a Nissan Altima, which I like just fine, but discovered, on perusing the owner’s manual, that one is supposed to take it to the dealer to change a headlight bulb. Seriously? Couldn’t engineer any practical method for the owner to do that themselves, really?

This is George Osborne’s actual real life voice Autumn Statement 2011: George Osborne caps public sector pay increases - YouTube

and it makes me angry.

I pit myself for destroying my laptop. Things to remember :

1)When your computer shut down repeatedly due to suspected overheating, you have have it checked instead of crossing your fingers and hoping for the best.

2)If you fail to do 1) you at at least buy an external cooling system, instead of thinking every day “I’ll buy it tomorrow”

3)If you fail to do 2) you at least avoid running of the computer a software you know is overworking the system.

4)If you fail to do 3) at least when your computer shut down even more frequently, you don’t put it in the fridge so that it will cool quicker, even if you’re really in a hurry to finish this computer game level. This part is especially idiotic.

5)If you fail to do 4), at least you check that there’s no water dropping in the fridge, and that you don’t put it in upside down, so exposing the open grid to the aforementioned water.

  1. If you fail to do 5), at least, when you notice that water did drip into your laptop, you don’t just hairdry it for a couple minutes before starting it again while still crossing your fingers
    I think that’s about it. :frowning:

The most popular names inflicted on baby boys for 2011 (according to USA Today) are:

  1. Aiden
  2. Jackson
  3. Mason (apparently Kourtney Kardashian’s kute widdle infant is named Mason).

Or maybe Mason is popular because it was the name of the deformed pervert in the book Hannibal. Hard to say. But freaking Aiden? Give me a break.

The girls’ name list is not a whole lot better, featuring mostly flossy 19th-century monikers (Sophia, Emma, Olivia etc.).

I feel sorry for the teachers who’ll have to keep a straight face (while keeping all those Aidens straight) in coming years.

A short rant about my Internet provider’s call center :
1)When I tell you I can’t manage to start the installation of your software on my brand new laptop (see my previous rant) and you ask me what system I’m using, don’t excuse yourself, let me hang for five minutes and come back with the explanation of my problem : “your CD isn’t compatible with Windows 7”. Just ask me, and I’ll tell you it is, in fact, compatible, since I installed it previously on a laptop with windows 7.

2)Your second attempt at solving the issue shouldn’t be “The problem is with your CD drive, you must bring your laptop back to the place where you bought it”. Instead, just ask me if I verified that my CD drive was in working condition, by, for instance, inserting in it another CD.

3)You third attempt shouldn’t be “Then your disk is defective, we’ll send you another one”. You should have told me instead that the CDs you provide aren’t installed automatically and that I must search on the disk for that folder with a name I forgot, where I will find an icon named “install kit” or something like that, and just click on it, as I later found out while looking through all the folders just in case. This was the extremely easy solution, and I assume you should probably know how to launch your CDs, even though its unobvious for your customers.
4)This one isn’t directed at you, since it’s probably what you’re told to say to your customers. I know it doesn’t take the postal service seven working days to handle a parcel. Mostly everybody knows that, I would assume, and anyway, it’s part of my job to know exactly how long it takes. So, I’d rather have you say nothing rather than blame the postal service because it takes your company 5 working days or so to send out a parcel.

By the way, it’s not the first time I have a problem with your call center, and your company bought my previous Internet provider, who always have had an extremely helpful and competent technical staff. I’m not sure whether you fired them for being too good at what they were doing, or they left on their own accord, ashamed to work for you.

The boy’s names are awful.

My idiot SIL named her poor son Brady. Yuck.

I probably shouldn’t talk about flowery old lady names as we went with Charlotte.


At least it’s not Destiny, ShyAnne or Caitlyn. Alyssa is the current very popular girl name in my neck of the words. I know three of them. A neighbor chose Luciana which I think quite gorgeous.

Not sure who to pit. After two attacks of pancreatitis in the last two months, they did enough scans to decide that my grown son who lives in Colorado probably has pancreas divisum. On Tuesday he had the procedure. Or, rather, he had half of it.

Basically, they put you out and run tubes down your throat to do remote work on the ducts connecting to your duodenum. The procedure was supposed to go in two parts. 1) Confirm the diagnosis suggested by the scans. 2) Do a little snip-snip or stretching to make the main duct big enough to handle the load.

Unfortunately, just after #1 was complete, he woke up. That is, the anesthesia wore off or stopped working. Not being asleep, he started choking involuntarily on the tubes. End of procedure.

They’re going to try again today, with a different anesthesiologist. I don’t know when, so it might actually be happening. We’re hoping this goes better. Pancreatitis sucks dead donkey balls. Oh, and he’s not getting a discount on today’s second procedure. After two hospital stays and an aborted ERCP to pay for. Fuck.

On the up side, he says that the nurses have been fantastic. When they found out that his wife (and designated driver) worked swing and graveyard, they found her a recliner in a dim room so that she could nap. So, thumbs up for the nurses.

So you really think that tailgating me is going to make me speed up? In my 'hood I drive 25, which is the speed limit. I’m not going any faster than that so you can save 2 minutes getting to work by using the neighborhood as you shortcut. Go fuck yourselves.

To the woman who couldn’t wait five seconds for me to completely pull out of my parking space: Did you really think it was a good idea (or legal) to pass me by pulling into the turn lane? And then, when I was startled to see a car cutting back in front of me from seemingly out of nowhere and laid on the horn, you shook your finger at me in a shame on you gesture. Fuck you, you moron, and every other impatient asshole on the road yesterday. I guess the Christmas aggression season is upon us.

Gahhh! I’m itchy!!

I’d pit the baby in my belly for causing me so much trouble, but he can’t defend himself. :slight_smile:

At least it will only be another six weeks or so…

I have to say that every bit of this applies to me, right down to the number of pounds. I think I will go do an extra 1/2 hour on the walking track today, just because. (Because I just ate two chocolate covered cherries, that’s why. NO WILL POWER!)