Yes!
I posted about this in Cafe, and someone came up with the title/author in 15 minutes – the collective Doper Mind is an awesome thing. 
BTW, if anyone else wants to read the story, it’s included in a collection called “The Science Fiction Weight Loss Book”. Which is OOP, but I think you have a better chance of finding that in your local library than a nearly 30 year old magazine.
Dude on the bus eating pretzels: are you truly unaware that you are not supposed to give food to a blind person’s guide dog? She was right to bitch you out for doing it.
Holy Cow! I wouldn’t feed anybody’s pet or children anything without permission.
One day, I went to adoptions and brought popcorn to share. One of the adult dogs begged for some and I’m such a pushover that I started giving him bits. A lady was in the process of adopting said dog and after she finished the paperwork and paid, she asked if the dog was now hers.
Lolli told her that he was, but that we would keep the dog while she shopped if she wanted. She turned to look at me and said “Will you please stop feeding my dog popcorn?”
I own a pair of Dr. Scholl’s Wooden Flip-flops Of Doom: +500 to scaring kids into behaving, +5000 to paddling. Wanna borrow them?
Yeah, pretty much this. It’s very strange, but I’ve been thinking of him more as my parents son than my brother. I mourned the loss of my brother a long time ago to the alcohol – now my folks have lost their son. It’s a weird phenomenon, cognitively.
I admit it usually isn’t my first response, but it would be so satifying here! And given the trouble you’ve gotten into by creatively interpreting your doctor’s orders before, probably shouldn’t risk it.
Dipshit the first is absolutely getting a physical response. Dipshit the second, however, is a candidate for the Billings road trip…
Thank you for the kind offer.
My facebook friends list went from 9 to over 80 to keep everyone updated on this. The funeral is Monday. Tuesday I will un-friend most of the additions and get back to my life.
Thank you as well.
Well, the funeral will be just off Route 66 in Oklahoma. If ever there was an appropriate place to take a road trip…
Thank you for the offer. Someone else suggested a baseball bat. However, I still remember Fiona from Burn Notice’s sage words on the subject: “Never use a baseball bat. Use a golf club. Smaller area means more force” Ain’t science grand?
Seriously, I shall have a large contingent of redneck relatives at the funeral. And Dad was a volunteer chaplain for the sheriff’s dept for decades, so they will have a few representatives at the funeral, as well. (Lest you think that will deter me-- these are the guys who taught me the following joke: Q: How many deputies does it take to push a suspect down a flight of stairs? A: None. He fell)
M-o-A All I can say is keep you feet apart, grip the club firmly, and follow through.
Goddamn it now it’s my turn. I came out to my car this AM to find some low life broke the passenger’s window. They went into the center console and got an old Garmin GPS my cell charger and I just realized my check book with some of my lesser used credit cards.
Great it’s Sunday I can’t get a window glass today, I have to take DW Christmas shopping, I have to contact the bank and CC companies.
This is my idea of a good time. This much fun should be illegal.
Fuckity, fuck, fuck!
It’s particularly egregious behavior with a guide dog. The dog has to be absolutely loyal to its owner and is a working dog far more than a pet. Distractions are just not acceptable. Any dog will eat free food, unfortunately, and the dog knew it was being ‘bad’, trying to hide under the seat while the blind woman grappled with it, trying to remove the food from its mouth. She was royally pissed, and I don’t blame her.
But wait it gets worse.
The a-hole also took my high end iPhone wired headset (ouch), and get this a partial package of floss/toothpicks, a pad of post it notes and my work jacket (all three no big deal).
So I call the credit card companies and my bank to put stop payments and report stuff stolen. This could well be a separate rant, but I digress.
Then I come out to clean up the damage. I lift a large piece of the shattered window that still had the tint attached off the floor in front of the passenger’s seat and what do I find? My fucking checkbook. You know the one I spent about an hour and a half trying to get through various menus to report shit stolen.
I must have been bad in another life.
My estranged dad drank himself to death a couple of years ago - trust me when I say, you will have all kinds of reactions to your brother’s death, and all of them are pretty much normal for the situation.
Susan Hewitt creeps me out.
“If this gets 100 shares this kids gets his heart transplant for free”
Really? If I get 100 shares, can I be the one to operate on him?
I can’t escape the stupid, it’s everywhere, just louder now.
My neice and I were giving my parent’s dog turkey under the table. Does that count?
When I watched their dog and my parent’s dog while they were out of the country, I fed them cheez-its. They might have killed me if hadn’t.
And of course, every time I typed dog in this thread but in this sentence, I mistyped it as ‘god’, leading me to remember this sketch.
You were slipping god Cheez-its?
I think it is hilarious that, with less than a week to go, only four people on my 18 person team have signed up to bring something for our pot-luck lunch next Friday.
I said it was a bad idea.
We’re ALL poor. We don’t make a lot.
It’s Christmas, we have other priorities.
I myself am extra poor and broke and spending this month’s money not on Christmas, but on medical bills. So FUCK the idea that I’m going to spend another $10-20 bringing sufficient anything for 18 people when I can’t afford something for my neice and nephew.
I’m going to suggest that we cancel it altogether. Hopefully our boss will see the light rather than trying to badger us into bringing stuff.
And once again, you show how gracious you are. Do remember that your dysfunctional family will be thinking about you.
Rick, if God asks for cheez-its, I will sit at her feet and hand feed her. I’m smart that way
My rant. For my 34th birthday, I woke up to beautiful roses on my coffee table. We had a nice day which ended up with a wonderful dinner and then Bill gave me a promise ring. Really? If I had gotten a promise ring back when I was 17, I would have been all bragging, but really?
When I mentioned our supposed maturity levels, Bill said that it meant that when/if we were thinking about getting married, we promise to talk to each other first. Then he said that he couldn’t ask me to marry him because his knees were worn out and he couldn’t kneel.
I do love the guy, but he’s an engineer. A promise ring? Seriously? Eyes rolled down the staircase, out the door and to the liquor store.
flatlined, I think that’s sweet. Would you have accepted him if he had proposed? Maybe he’s trying to get you used to the idea gradually…
Can I bitch in here instead of the December rants thread? Since I sorta kinda work for the Booster Club…volunteer, but still work…
The hockey team had a giveaway kids jersey promotion last night, coupled with a Cub Scout “sleep overnight on the ice” event. We had over a thousand screaming kids at the Civic Center, and the players put on a really good show, winning 5-2.
My rant is for the goat-fletching Executive Board member who took the button box home “so her husband could build us a better one” and didn’t bring it back for the fucking kids game. I am so mad I could spit. I take pictures of the players - one posed headshot and one action - and make them into pinback buttons to help with fundraising for the club. We would have made a bunch of money last night. But no, Mrs “I don’t delegate I do everything myself so no one else can participate” explained "her car was full of stuff for the party Sunday.
I swear if that bitch is elected President of the club at end of season elections I am not joining the club next season. We do not need selfish and dumb-as-a-bag-of-carrots as President.
MoA, I am sorry for your family’s loss. I am also sorry you are having to deal with dipshit.
You’re confusing me - this is the December rants thread. Isn’t it? What am I missing?
Maybe she thought she was in the Workplace Griping thread?
I took my daughter to see “The Muppets” yesterday. Holy fuck with the previews and shit. After like 8 previews there was some fucking “Toy Story” short that lasted for like ten minutes. The actual movie didn’t start until 25 minutes after the listed show time. We hadn’t been to the movies in a while and it was a good reminder of why we usually just watch at home.