And so, as Expected, My Life Prepares to Descend into Hell Yet Again...

Well now, looking back, I should’ve seen this coming…

I still don’t have a paying job, but I still have my health insurance. I suppose that’s something, considering what’s ahead.

But lately, I had been feeling pretty good. I passed my insurance licensing exam, and was told that I could start training to speak at presentation seminars. I’ve got 89% percent in my online math class towards my Accounting Bachelor’s Degree, which is good considering how deeply I hate math. I belong to two writer’s groups, and my novel is coming along okay, and I’ve just started up a new fan fiction piece I’m excited about.

Some of you might remember that I posted about receiving an unsolicited mammogram referral from my doctor. Well, I kept the appointment, and thought no further about it.

Now, I’ve just gotten a letter that the hospital wants to do a “diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound”.

Happiness, well equanimity anyway, comes to a screeching halt. Sheer stark terror begins. The quiet kind of terror, no screaming, no crying, very dignified, very adult terror. It’s the kind of terror that sits in the back of your mind saying things like “It’s probably nothing,” “This stuff happens all the time,” “I got dense breasts, they probably just need a closer look to be sure I’m okay.”

It’s the same kind of terror I had when my blood platelet count was too high, and they wanted to test my bone marrow for leukemia. It’s the same kind of terror I had when I had to be tested yet again for too much calcium in my blood, which can mean cancer too, but they wouldn’t tell me what kind. Just like this letter only says I need “diagnostic tests”, not saying what they found on the screening. Did the first picture just come out funny, or blurry, or is there a whopping big tumor eating away at my chest like the creature from Alien? (I always did admire John Hurt in that scene.)

I’m scared, but I’m tired too. I’m just so tired of shit falling out of the sky just when I think I might be getting a handle on things. Now, comes the doctor’s visits and the tests and all the emotional turmoil that goes with it until they find out like before that it’s nothing to worry about…

…or they find out that I really am sick with this thing.

I’m just so tired of my life’s endless descents into hell. It never even tries to ascend into heaven anymore.

I want to say don’t worry about it, it’s probably nothing- but I know that you will worry about it anyway. I’ve never had cancer, but I do know all about descents into hell. Keep in mind that there are strangers on the internet that care about what happens to you and will listen to you, talk to you, and send you those silly (((hug))) things. Like that really helps, right? Except, sometimes it does.

Yeah, what she said.

I’ve had three female friends need further testing/biopsy on suspicious breast lumps in the past 6 months! It is so, so scary… no matter how many times you tell yourself the odds are on your side. It turned out to be ‘nothing’ for all three of the women I know, FWIW.

Take care.

I come from lumpy folk - we get cysts all the time. The ultrasound should tell you right away if you have an (extremely common) breast cyst. This might make you feel better - they’d give you a phone call and not send a letter for a raging cancerous tumour, wouldn’t they?

Hugs from the village of the damned. I just passed a kidney stone today and I’ve been unemployed for almost 3 years. I was getting ready to shop CT scan prices when it passed.

Hope things go well for you.

I got that PHONE CALL :eek: from my doctor :eek: after my screening mammogram this year.:eek:

With a family history of my mother dying from metastatic breast cancer at age 69 and two of my father’s 5 sisters having had breast cancer (and one died).

And I had to wait ALMOST A MONTH before I could get in for the follow-up exams- so I well know what that descent into Hell is like.

And when I went in for the follow-up tests, I saw my mammogram, and saw the area that they had circled :eek: and it didn’t look like any other area in my breasts :eek:

And it did not show up on the repeat mammogram, and the sonogram was normal. (I think some tissue got pinched together the first time-it really hurt on the left side and I had a 2 inch bruise afterward)

Whew!

I still wish I had the money and the time to be off so I could get a bilateral mastectomy and get rid of the damn things. I’m getting tired of having that threat hanging over my head.

So, another not scary outcome of a mammogram story.

Fluid filled cyst here, that whole -come back in for another look- thing is pretty scary. Helga the stiff upper lip German sonogram tech was very quiet, and then left the room.

When she came back and said “you’re fine, it’s just a cyst” I didn’t believe her, and made her say it again.

I wish I could get all that freaking out time back and spend it eating donuts and listening to baby giggles instead.

Be kind to yourself and try to relax, it really could be nothing to worry about.

hugs Ditto on what everyone else has said. Doctors overtest like crazy these days, it’s probably nothing.

more hugs

I received a similar letter after my most recent screening mammo (late September). It was something like “diagnostic mammogram with ultrasound” as well, though when I got there it was “ultrasound if needed”.

Basically they did some extra-special squishing in the area they needed to re-look-at. The radiologist checked, was satisfied with what she (he?) saw, and sent me on my way. No ultrasound needed. And with a goody bag, no less, in the form of a lunchbag-sized pink and white tote, a pink pen, and a chocolate bar. (for the screening mammo I just got the chocolate bar).

So - while obviously there’s a chance it could be something, there’s a much greater chance that there was just some artifact, localized density, cyst, benign calcification or whatever, that they just need to look more closely at.

If you don’t get chocolate, then I’d be PISSED. So make sure you have an extra dollar in your pocket to stop by 7-11 afterward for some cacao-based mood stabilizers.

Aren’t 70 % or higher really nothing but fatty or lumpy tissue?

I had a girlfriend that had a cyst the size of a golfball develop in her boob years ago. Several tests showed it was benign, and removing it would be considered cosmetic surgery. Since it basically amounted to a lump only she (and I from time to time :slight_smile: ) could feel, she still has it.

Well, I’m sorry to hear that.

I had a mammogram about three weeks ago and got the same phone call. I have a cluster of microcalcifications in Lefty. So I had to have what you have to have: the magnified films (so they can take a better look). I am over 40, so they’ve never bothered with the ultrasound. (You must be under 35.) After the magnified films, they informed me that these calcifications have changed since my last mammo a year ago, so I was called in for a biopsy right away. I had that two weeks ago. The results came back negative for cancer cells, but there were “atypical” cells. So the doc wants to take a larger sample; therefore, I am scheduled for surgery on Monday. My pre-op appointment is today at 11. I will know by Tuesday if there are any cancer cells hiding behind the atypical cells, or if I’m merely on BoobWatch for the indefinite future.

Tell me again about your descent into hell?

I’ve been there, too.

I’ve been called back after every mam I’ve ever had, and I’m 47 so that would be 7 times. Each one was nothing. I promise myself I won’t freak out before every one but still do anyway. Just keep on hanging on.

My mother has gotten called back for a diagnostic mammogram so many times that now they just skip the preliminary one and go straight for that type. I inherited that tendency - apparently we just have dense areas in our tissue. Just breathe, and remind yourself that if there’s the slightest dark spot on the first mammogram, they’ll call you back, even if that dark spot turns out to be a fold in the skin.

(((Two Many Cats)))*

(((Magiver)))

(((Dogzilla)))

  • love that user name!

I’ve been through this. Got called back for an extra-special mammo and they showed me the tiny little specks on it that concerned them, then they wanted to do a needle biopsy, but that didn’t work, so they just sent me in for day surgery to drill the buggers out. We went to an art fair the next day and had dinner with a friend. All was clear; I had one six-month followup mammo, and then my regular one this fall, and I am officially no longer a troublemaker. I have a very faint one-inch scar that looks no worse than a scratch.

I went through all the terror stuff too. But it all turned out fine in the end. I was actually happy to be scheduled for the surgery because it meant (in my case) that good or bad, the problem area would be GONE.

Best wishes to you. I know it’s hard, but BREATHE and try not to freak out. Don’t borrow trouble.

I’ve been called back in for the microscopic sonogram and an ultrasound too, but it turned out to be calcifications. They asked me to come in every 6 months for a couple years, but nothing ever came of it.
My Mom went for 4 biopsies and they all turned out to be benign lumps.
How would you feel if you waste all this time worrying and it’s nothing?
{{{Too Many Cats}}}

Thank you for posting that. I just came back from my pre-op appointment to have my little buggers drilled out. Your post made me feel MUCH better. My surgery is on Monday, so that means my Christmas should be fine. Well, as “fine” as Christmas ever is. :wink: I’ve never had a surgery before in my life, so I’m having much more anxiety about that than the actual possibility of having something I don’t want to hear. It sounds like it won’t be too big a deal. I really appreciate a little peace of mind right now. Thanks again.

OP, while you’re in my thoughts, you probably have nothing to worry about. I became friends with a coworker over the summer; she’d had cancer in the past. Doctor calls her, tells her to leave the meeting we were in right now and go over to the Women’s hospital a few blocks away and get a certain test she was calling in after they hung up. Her recent bloodwork came back with one weird thing extremely elevated. Nobody else at the meeting seemed to give a shit. She came back a few hours later and it was nothing at all, just a fluke test.

Relax, don’t worry. And let us know how it turns out.

Very same thing happened to me after my first mammogram at age 35, meant to be a “baseline.” Finally, they seem to have it in their records or notes or whatever only to bother me for follow up if that area changes.