Well, it was Grodin for a while, then it was that red-headed New Englander (who had some funny stuff).
Now, it’s that guy Steve Hartman that I mentioned in my first post. He’s done some funny, interesting stuff.
A few weeks ago we went into the IRS office and asked to be audited, just to be sure he was doing everything right.
One day he decided to go to lawn sales to see how it was done and then do one of his own. It was a little funny.
He’s got some creative ideas, anyway.
While we’re at it, what the hell is with Leslie Stahl’s hair? Run a brush through it, woman!
Can’t say I’m sorry. So who else has been “tributized” besides Wallach?
When Kurt Cobain died, Andy Rooney did a spot essentially to the effect of “He was a drug-addled loser who had it coming. Why can’t we mourn somebody worthwhile for a change?” I sometimes admired him for being such a contrarian grouch, sort of a villiage stereotype of the old salt with wisdom and a heart of gold to match his sour puss. But glowering over the death and suffering of Cobain with such righteous indignation was in some seriously bad taste, IMO, and seemed to be truly be motivated only by the desire to offend those who mourned him. Got me thinking “He’s not playful; he’s not impish; he’s not an arch and thought-provoking social critic. He’s a mean-spirited, flatulent old prune who should know better.”
You and I must have exact opposite views. I lost a lot of respect for Rooney when his report the following week consisted of an apology for his remarks about Cobain, which I didn’t think was necessary at all.
I lost the rest of my respect for Rooney some time later when he refused to apologize for some dumbass remarks about how women reporters were incapable of covering football games from the sidelines.
All bolding is mine.
You seem to be repeating yourself. 
Cripes, Andy Rooney was producing useless hack pieces decades ago. I hate to think what he must be emitting now.
Andy Rooney is to television what Johnny Hart is to comic strips, only without the religiobabble.
Maybe we could put Rooney, Paul Harvey and John Madden together in the same room, and lock the door from the outside.*
*in accordance with board policy, someone would come around to let them out for meals.
How about George Carlin? Sure, he’s not as funny as he used to be, but between all the bleeping, it’d make for an entertaining segment.
I haven’t watched him since the early '80s, but even then I thought he was a moron. Case in point is one piece he did about White House breakfasts; he didn’t understand how they worked. First of all, I couldn’t believe that anyone as stuck on himself as Rooney would admit that he’d never been to a White House breakfast (although he may have been to one by now). Second of all, I was like 12, and even I could answer the questions that seemed to bamboozle him.
"How does the kitchen staff deal with multiple orders? What if some people want granola and others want Cheerios?" Well, genius, they don’t take individual orders. They serve something like Belgian waffles or eggs BEnedict that can be prepared for ~50 people.
"Do you eat first? I can’t imagine that anyone could do all their morning rituals and get to the White House, all the time knowing they were going to meet the POTUS, on an empty stomach." Of course they eat first, you moron. They’re not there to eat; they’re there to listen to the POTUS. The breakfast deal is to make it more hospitable.
"Do they say grace? How does that go over with all the various religions or lack of that may be represented?" Anyone who’s active in DC should be okay with a non-denominational grace.
And so on. He asks the dumbest questions, that a middle-schooler could answer, and acts as if they are cosmic mysteries.
Plus, it’s almost scary that parodies of him are hardly any different from the real thing. Years ago, Joe Piscopo used to play him on SNL. “Ever notice what a weird name Morley Safer is? Morley—is that the opposite of Leslie? [and this was before Lesley Stahl came on board!] Ever notice I have too much rouge on my cheeks? I don’t like this new underwear that comes in toobs. I like my underwear the way I like my women. Big and loose. Ever wonder why they call it suicide? You’re not suing anyone. They should call it splattercide! [jumps out window]”
And yes, I’m wondering how it is that he was old when I was young, and he’s still hanging on.
Anyone remember the episode of MST3K when Mike and the 'Bots did an “Andy Rooney-off” and they all did their various impressions of Rooney? Gypsy got so pissed she freaked out and told them to shut up. Then they all started, “Ever notice sometimes when Gypsy gets mad?”
[Andy Rooney] Have you ever noticed that if you stare at your fingernails long enough you can see them grow? Why is that? [/Andy Rooney]
One summer when I was bored, I read one of his books. It was written during the economic shocks of the 80s and he was blasting the governor of Ohio at the time (Dick Celeste), because he signed a “Buy Ohio First” order which forced the state to buy from Ohio companies, instead of out of state companies, if an Ohio company offered the same product/service. This pissed Andy off because he felt the people of Ohio would be better served if the state sought out the cheapest price, rather than ensure that Ohioians had jobs. Uh, dipshit, at that time Ohio’s economy was in the toilet and tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of Ohioians were being laid off, Dick Celeste might have been a grade A asshole, but that was a good idea, since it at least offered a chance of staving off the massive job losses the state was experiencing at that time.
I liked it when he called Mel Gibson a wacko.
Henry Rollins. Or Jello Biafra.