I am exactly the same way.
And you are correct, that this has NOTHING to do with the *worth *of human v. animal lives. It’s much deeper and more subtle than that. The discussion of worth (which we’re NOT going to have), takes place in the realm of the logical/rational. This reaction to animals is in a gut-level place of feelings, fears, and revulsion that is way below the level of words and logical argument.
I have given this a lot of thought and the best thing I can come up with is that the adult, rational, moral, ethical part of me finds cruelty and violence against human beings (especially children) to be abhorrent, wrong, disgusting, etc., and all of those feelings and judgments that have names… that have *words *that can be used to condemn the acts and the intentions behind the acts. IOW my reactions and revulsion take place in a “civilized” part of me.
Violence against animals is something different. My reaction to it (or the anticipation of it) takes place in and actually *evokes *some primeval, pre-verbal, helpless place in me that can only respond with a wordless shriek (like the Munch paintings). My initial reaction to violence against an animal isn’t retaliation or vengeance (which would be logical and “adult”), it’s that I simply want to cease to exist. I just want to disappear from This Place. Not hide or go underground or run, or even die per se. Just let me be obliterated.
I’ve tried to analyze why *this *is. Maybe letting myself feel the horror of gratuitous destruction of pure innocence that can’t even speak is so terrifying that I’d rather cease to exist than feel it. I really don’t know.
Anyway, it has something to do with animals being pre-verbal, non-verbal, and also that the domestic ones are in our care. They look to us for safety, protection, and humane treatment. As for the wild ones, we are guardians of their world, too, even if we don’t interact with them. To betray this implicit trust that we will care for them is… well, there isn’t a word for it. In a world where that is possible, or God forbid, the norm, no one and nothing is safe. That’s what it *feels *like.
I haven’t sorted this out, even though I’ve given decades of thought to it. Frankly, I’ll be afraid to even read the rest of this thread…
ETA: I’m not a parent, but what **Malthus **said is surely true.