I think it would be cool to have a game of football played with animals. You could use bears as offensive and defensive lineman, gorillas as linebackers and tight ends, a tiger or lion as a running back and safetys and wolves as wide receivers and cornerbacks. And a chimp or agile ape as the quarterback. Do you think it could be done or would they wind up getting mad and killing each other?
Or . . . you could have teams composed of the team names, like Bears vs. Panthers, or Giants vs. Titans.
No, animals cannot play football.
Were you expecting any other sort of answer? Although, seeing your other threads I’m not actually sure of the answer.
With some kind of sci-fi neural implants that allow humans to manipulate the animals – a kind of futuristic puppetry – sure. Otherwise, hell no. There isn’t any way you could even get them to line up in play formation! C’mon! Get real!
You’d be much better off creating robot versions of the animals – robot cheetahs to be wide receivers, robot gorillas to be guards, etc. And that would be a game I’d enjoy watching! (Once. After that, the novelty is gone.)
There are also several role-playing-gaming systems that could be used to simulate the affair.
What I’m thinking of is the animal equivalent of androids (animoids?). They could have all the advantages of their species, but with expanded brains. I wonder what’ll happen when universities start recruiting them. How many colleges stipulate that students must be human?
Midway through the second quarter, the centipede trots onto the field.
Bear: “Where the hell were you?”
Centipede: “Puttin’ on my cleats.”
mmm
Of course zebras would be the refs.
When I was a young lad, my brother and I would play a game somewhat similar to football with our dog. The rules were my brother and I would get down on our hands and knees and throw an old hat we had to our dog. Our dog had to then get past the two of us and make it under the coffee table in our living room. If he got under the table with the hat, he won. If we were able to wrestle the hat away from him, we won.
The game was called “buffalo” because our mother once said that it sounded like a herd of buffalo where stampeding in the living room when we played this game.
That said, I think we had reached the apex of an animal’s ability to play a football-like game. I don’t think we would have been able to communicate any further nuances of the sport to our dog. And as it was, it took two humans to keep the game going.
Mules would be the kickers. Or kangaroos, though I dunno how that could be arranged. I see kangaroos more as soccer players.
Yes it can be done, and yes, they just end up more or less killing each other. Not so clear if they are actually angry, but if you manage to teach them the need to compete, then that’s exactly what they do. But they don’t necessarily learn the concepts of “fair play”.
Frank Robson, author of Thinking Dolphins, Talking Whales (1977 or so), was the dolphin trainer at a show in New Zealand. For one of the dolphin acts, he trained a bunch of dolphins to play football. (I take it this means the game we Merkins call “soccer”, certainly not American football.)
According to his telling, the dolphins got too good at it. During the training, correct actions were rewarded with fish as usual (I gather). The dolphins apparently took this seriously. Not knowing anything of the ideas of “fair play”, they got very competitive and very aggressive about it – to the extent that Robson had to discontinue the act, fearing for the animals’ safety.
Millions of people watch the annual Puppy Bowl.
Indeed, Mules do make great kickers! Disney was 37 years ahead of you.
Pigs would be used for the pigski… oh my, never mind.
It’s not going to last if they don’t start getting mad and killing each other.
And the Bud Bowl! Shit, if beer can play football, why not every animal large enough to carry a football? And hey, we can scale down the football too, it’s all negotiable.
Paging Dr. Moreau. Paging Dr. Moreau. You’re wanted in the Gym.