annoying coworkers

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

As I sit here, bored, looking around at my fellow employees, it amazes me that the human race ever made it to the top of the food chain. The three-toed sloth, an animal that moves so slowly moss grows on it, has survived in the jungle for thousands of years, but not one person around me would last more than an average of 8.4 hours.

There’s Terri, who sits across from me, who is physically incapable of spending more than 38 seconds without some form of idoitic noise pollution spewing forth from her freakishly large mouth.

To my right is Ervin, who isn’t all that bad, but he constantly looks over my shoulder to see what I’m doing on the computer (he’s not a supervisor or anything, just nosy). He can remain silent for hours, until I actually have something that demands my attention, then he wants to chat away about some inane topic (a commercial he thought was funny) or something extremely outdated (if I have to hear about the Cardiac Cards one more time!!!).

For those of you wondering, the Cardiac Cards was the nickname given to the St Louis Cardinal football team of the 70s. I was born in 73, so I couldn’t care less about a team that is now in Pheonix, especially since we now have the SuperBowl Champion Rams.

The topper though, is my supervisor, Barry. This man is so stupid, he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the bottom of the heel. I find the best way to get rid of him is when he comes to ask how things are going, just answer with a bunch of technical jargon. He won’t know what I’m saying, and it sounds like I’m actually working instead of posting on this board.
Barry - “So, any luck with that Tampa situation?”
Me - “Well, I tried to reset the spans on bundle ID tamflpratc, but the NMC was acting flakey, so I was forced to call ALS and they conferenced LNS on the call. Then we found the tie downs were bouncing on all 23 ports of the first, third, and seventh PRIs. We placed a call to the LECs and they’re going to check it out and give me a call back.”

He doesn’t understand a word of that sentence (which is all BS, BTW) and I sound like I’m getting something done.

2

Yes. Yes, I know how you feel… And the weekend is so far away. :frowning:

3

I too am trapped in an office hell, my only escape being the fact that I have hacked myself onto the internet through our network. I learned from the master himself George Costanza that if you look annoyed, then you look busy…so whenever I peruse the net I scrunch my face up and try to scowl. It’s really hard to accomplish this when reading The Onion and The Straight Dope…but some how I manage.

Oh hey look, it’s the Director of Systems walking into our office (really, I’m not making this up :eek: )

scrunch scrunch scowl scowl

4

LOL!!!

5

One woman here seriously needs tro be bitch-slapped. She’s a very nice lady, but she has this VOICE. It’s theatrical and loud and effusive—like she’s telling a fairy tale to a three-year-old. “OH, so you’re going on VACATION? Isn’t that WOOOOONDERFULLL!” Add lots of honey and sugar to that and you get the idea. Jiminy! Just talk like a normal person, for Pete’s sake, you’re not up for a Golden Globe!

6

I know what you mean, as most of us do.

I am blessed with a really great group of people to work with. We have managers that respect (and even elevate) their employees, and co-workers who help each other. This is a situation many would envy, so I value it immensely.

Of course it has not been like this everywhere. There are a few “special” traits that get me going:
People who like to look at the time when you come in and leave, and make sure you see them looking at their watch, (those who are not keeping records or supervising).
People who like to say things about others in their absence, like “Oh, John was going to take care of that, I’m sure he meant to do it…”
Those who simply echo something that someone else said ten minutes ago, and make it sound like they’ve know it for years.

I’m sure there are worse things, but these are a few irritants that are quite common.

::::scowl, grit teeth, grunt, scowl::::

7

I am stuck between my boss and her assistant. The assistant found out last week that the boss is sleeping with her ex boyfriend. The assistant and boyfriend broke up last week after dating for a year and a half. Talk about some tension in my office…

8

My boss…the ugliest, toad faced gargoyle who sucks the ass of both her managers. She’s the: ‘Hey boss!!..look what I just did’ type for all remedial tasks.

AND THEY BUY IT!! Thay think she’s the best thing since sliced bread! AAARRRGHGHGHH :mad:

Then there’s those damn smokers that take a 10-15 minute break every hour… ::anger…rising::

And the people who abuse reserved/visitor parking so they don’t have to walk as far… ::must kill::

grrrrr…

9

HEY!!!

I’m one of those damn smokers! (At least until Sunday, don’t get mad at me, Shayna) Don’t be mad at the smokers, take up smoking and go out there with them. :wink:

10

HEY!!!

I’m one of those damn smokers! (At least until Sunday, don’t get mad at me, Shayna) Don’t be mad at the smokers, take up smoking and go out there with them. :wink:

11

Well, I used to have those co-workers surrounding me, practically polluting the air I was breathing with their ignorance. Then, by the Grace of God(otherwise known as the CFO) I got a promotion and my very own office without the Jerry Springer wannabe guests I called my co-workers.
But alas, all good things must end(I am sooo torn up about this :wink: ), tomorrow is my last day here.

12

My office is dominated by thay type of over-dramatic office queens…god I can’t stand them…ALWAYS wanting to be the center of attention and injecting themselves into conversations that have nothing to do with them. Ugh, my worst nightmare is to marry a sweet girl who evolves into that horrid type of beast.

BTW, for those of you keeping score, the systems Director didn’t catch me on the net…thank god for Alt Tab

Monkey Lucifer 1, Systems 0

13

The next cube over from mine contains a woman who evidently sees the office as the place where she conducts her personal business. She’s on personal calls probably 30 minutes out every 60 on the worst days-- yesterday, she spent hours finalizing her vacation plans with her husband, who was home and could have made the calls himself, and travel agent. She’s constantly jamming our shared printer with stuff she prints from web pages, and yes, she has a computer at home.

This, of course, only happens when she’s actually at her desk, as opposed to visiting friends in the building or going on two-hour lunches (or 45 minute “breaks”). God forbid our boss has an appointment; as soon as this woman is sure she’s gone, she’s out of here like her ass is on fire. She also calls in sick a tad more frequently than she really needs to; how do I know this? Because she thinks it’s funny, and will inform me a day in advance. She’s also recently taken to encouraging me to do the same, because “we earned our sick days and we should use them.” Yeah, but see, there’s this little thing called my “job” that I need to tend to…

14

Hey Pizzle Boy, I actually started smoking for that very reason. But keep in mind, every one of those 15 minute breaks is being deducted from the end of our lives.

15

Nothing makes me madder than those guys out there orking cows! When I think of how hard dairy farmers have to work and they get up so early every morning and then to find out some idiot has been…What?..Oh. Never mind.

16

What about the office dirtbag? You know, the guy who eats onion-and-doody sandwiches for lunch and never brushes his green teeth. The guy who you just know only showers on the weekend, because by Friday you can’t come within 6 feet of him. This is probably the same guy who sticks his hand under his clothes to scratch his stinky body, and then not-so-nonchalantly sniffs his fingers.
I know this guy. I had the misfortune of working next to him for a whole year. ::::shudder::::
Rose

17

I work with a woman who is convinced she cannot
understand the way I talk. This has become a
major hangup with her. I’ve had to stop things
I was doing to walk over to her desk and tell her
seven times while standing right in front of her
to pick up the frigging phone! Once, after dental
surgery, I was standing there with blood running
out of my month and she was just looking at me
like I wasn’t speaking English.

This is a major problem. Sometimes I will say
something three times, and she’ll look at someone
else and say “What did she say?” Her big excuse
is “I can’t hear you.” You can’t hear me when I
say something eight times?

18

I work at the Post Office.
All the stories are true.
Have mercy on me…

19

Tell her to watch Being John Malkovich and pay special attention to the executive secretary played by Mary Kay Place.

I could tell “stupid co-worker” stories until the cows come home, do their laundry, and go back to their dorm rooms, but instead I’ll settle for “just plain bizarre.”

Step right up, kids, for the tale of…

The Mad Urinator.

I swear, this is absolutely true. A couple of times a month, I (or one of my male co-workers) would go into the men’s room and find that the water in all of the toilets, both urinals and sit-downs, were, um, slightly yellow.

Using Occam’s Razor, determine which explanation is more likely:

Six men went into the restroom; whether simultaneously or in succession doesn’t matter. Each man then chose a different toilet to urinate into (including, of course, the sit-downs), and produced either just a little bit of Number One, or a uniformly almost-colorless fluid. Then each man left, and neglected to flush. And this statistical unlikelihood happened on a regular basis.

Or…

One guy occasionally went in, made sure he was alone, and then urinated a small amount into each toilet in turn, leaving his handiwork to be found by the next user(s).

The choice seems obvious, doesn’t it?

This was known among the people on the floor, and was a cause of much consternation. What person could want to do that? And why?

Eventually, it stopped, and we determined based on the timing of people leaving the company compared to previous “sightings” that it had to be one of a couple of different guys. Neither seemed the type.

Bizarre, huh?

20

I’m lucky, yesterday was the last day here for the only coworker I completely dislike.

My major problem is that he seems to think I am an idiot. One time I was putting some stuff back in the files and he came up with something to file. I was in his way so I offered to do it for him. He handed the file to me and said “that is Paloma del Mar, it goes under P.”

Thank you jackass! I am a former librarian, I passed the alphabetization class.

It also annoyed me when he would come to me and read me a report that I wrote.

My only revenge was to continuously ask him how his studying for the bar was going. He’s failed it three times so far.

But he’s gone, gone, gone. Now I don’t have to listen to him plan the night’s Bible study festivities on his constantly ringing cell phone.

Did I mention he’s gone? Did I mention I am now happy?