Yep, me too.
Marshall Tucker Band’s “Heard it in a love song”. I thought was… “Purty little love song”. My sister had to pull the car over because she was laughing so hard. :rolleyes:
Chris Isaak’s “I Believe”. I knew the title, but I though the chorus was “Ivy League, Ivy League, Ivy League”
What I finally googled them as…I’ll be damned, but I think Elton/Taupin’s lyrics are even more muddled than my own…
So goodbye yellow brick road
Where the dogs of society howl
You can’t plant me in your penthouse
I’m going back to my plough
Back to the howling old owl in the woods
Hunting the horny back toad
My ex always thought the Abba song lyrics were:
“Sleeping Willie is your brother” (Treat him well, he is your brother)
I always thought (don’t ask me why) that the Paul Simon lyrics for “The Boxer” were: “…in the quiet of a railway station, lettuce skins.”
That one gets my vote for the best so far, just for the sheer WTF-ness of it.
Draelin and ShibbOleth - My father thanks you. I think. For the record, he also screws up the “usual suspects,” too. I might have been in my teens before I heard the real words to “there’s a bathroom on the right” and “big old Jed had a light on” and “'cuse me while I kiss this guy,” so you can imagine that I thought he was just kidding when he said that he speaks “of the pompatus of love.” (Although sometimes he did say “elephant,” just to make us laugh.)
Hey, I was going to post that!
Obviously, a song about some opera fans with plenty of time on their hands, pissed off at their enemies for invading and occupying some town. They are getting organized to take it back and singing this ferocious song.
For the chorus of this Tubthumping, I thought was “I get no down” which isn’t too far off, but makes about zero sense (except, I think I heard it in a football commercial once, which might explain it)
Reportedly, as a child, I would sing the words of the hymn ‘Up from the grave He arose…’ as ‘Up from the gravy with a rose’.
So, apparently, braise the Messiah with a light meat broth, garnish optional, for 72 hours or until resurrected.
Huh, and until I read your post, that’s what I thought it was, too. :o
I thought you might still be stuck in the flying boobage thread.
I’d wondered where all our play-doh went!
You can tell them about my Beatles “Paperback Writer” one if you want. 
Me three!
Someone just mentioned 99 Red Balloons in an MPSIMS thread about not knowing the lyrics, so I finally looked to see what the real English lyrics are.
My version:
You and I and a little dachsund
Bought a bag of balloons when the money was gone
Actual lyrics:
You and I in a little toy shop
buy a bag of balloons with the money we’ve got
Rock me, I’m a Danish!
You just made my whole day Possible, my whole week.
Took years to be set straight that Prince’s song was not, “This is what it sounds like when dogs cry…”
I live to serve. 
For many years I sang this verse from the Dire Straits “I Want My MTV” song (is that the title?): “You (We?) got yer Flintstone microwave oven.” I think somebody here tipped me off that it was “to install.”
Some others that I’ve never bothered to look up the real words for:
From “Cars” by Gary Numan: “It gives me staple for a dice in cars.”
From “Down On Me” by Big Brother and The Holding Company: “Lipstick, everybody in the whole wide world…”
A couple from “Rocket Man” by Elton John:
“And there’s no one there to raise them, if you dig” (hell, that one may be right)
“Burning out the fuse to Heaven alone”
From “Disturbance At The Herron House” by R. E. M.: “C*nts and grunts and hirelings.”
(*rhymes with grunts)
In fact, just about all lyrics to all R. E. M. songs are misheard by most everybody, I would imagine.
Sir Rhosis
The problem is, you’re serving Jesus in a gravy boat.
Everyone knows Jesus is best served in a trifle dish.
Well, I never said I was a perfect Host.
“Money For Nothing.”