I expected no less. Now that I’m retired, I expect a National Day of Mourning.
Another way to tell if your coworkers don't like you: They leave you dead at your desk for four days
Was this from The Onion?
Thank you for calling Liberty product support. Our offices are currently closed as all employees are engaged in mandatory mourning following the death of Janice from Accounting. Janice retired twelve years ago, but she will always remain a part of the Liberty family.
We will be happy to assist you at the conclusion of our mourning period in three days, assuming that no other current or former Liberty employees pass away during the intervening period.
Ride through Montana on a motorcycle and you’ll experience decomposing flesh often. So much rotting roadkill! You learn to hold your breath at first hint of the smell, or when you see the carcass or blood spill.
No, they’re behind the curve on this one.
Appears to be original satirical prose riffing on the article in the OP.
FWIW, I’ve worked in a cubicle farm where one employee had a mini refrigerator at her desk and forgot about some leftover broccoli. Decomposing broccoli has one hell of a stench!
My immediate supervisor at a job 20+ years ago died suddenly. He was well-liked by the boss, who considered him a friend. I respected him, but the work must go on, so I (delicately) put my hat in the ring to replace him within a few days and was promoted to his position. The boss was actually grateful not to have to deal with interviews and the like.
Since you have cats, they presumably will need to be fed if you’re away for more than a day. Don’t you even have a neighbor or a landlord/super who would do that for you? Use them as your emergency contact.
Postal workers (usually carriers) are often the ones who check up on people who have not picked up their mail in quite a while.
one office i worked in had 2 vice presidents pass suddenly from heart issues.
one was very quiet and only the top tier of the business went to the funeral. the office did not close, business as usual.
the second, the entire office closed for the day, and the entire office was expected to attend the funeral. there were car pools to get everyone there.
in all the offices i worked in, the cleaning staff would work monday - friday and start around 4 pm and leave at 11pm or midnight. the firms i worked in had people working round the clock. you got to know the crew fairly well.
i could see a person being alive when the cleaning crew cleaned the area and then passing away when they were in a different section. the cleaner would have no reason to go back to an area they were in previously.
in a higher security business many times the cleaners have to clean during business hours so they are not alone in office. once again giving the person time to pass when no one would check the office.
all the buildings we were in you had to sign in and out during non- office hours; usually 7pm to 7am. any security checks during the night usually the very wee hours of the horribly early morning after midnight, would just go up and down the main corridors. they did not venture into the cubicle boats or offices unless something really odd caught their eye or ear.
Happened to one of my wife’s coworkers. She was 60 years old, unmarried, didn’t have a dog. When she didn’t show up for work on Monday, they called her brother. He went to her house and the car was parked in the garage. She had collapsed and died right after she walked inside. He found her with her keys still in her hand.
…and to think, it was only a few weeks ago we were all ragging on WF for having what was characterized as intrusive monitoring software on their work computers.
You carry the bacteria that will decompose you. They produce putrescine and cadaverine. Our noses react strongly to those chemicals.
My adult kids and I play Pikmin daily. They’ve never claimed to do it to check up on me.
Back in the late 80s, we had a guy drop dead at his desk. This was before we even had cubicles (or computers!) There were just 8-10 of us at desks in each of 3-4 large open rooms. This guy seemed strange. He sat in the room next to mine. Just one day someone else in that room noticed him slumped over at his desk. Thought he was sleeping, but he was dead.
I remember after another employer said they had seen him vomiting into his trash can, but said he was fine. Like I said, strange dude. I assume the cow-orkers just lit up smokes to cover up any smell.
Well done! 
Honestly, my documentation was mediocre, and my boss didn’t understand my work. I expect they would have had a rough patch if I’d been hit by a bus. I mean, they would have managed, but a lot of people would have felt some pain.
When i retired i spent several hours training my replacement. And i left in quiet season. I assume they’ve been fine.
IDK about most episodes, but it was a running gag in the (season 8?) Walmart episode, and I think might have been repeated a couple times since then.
ETA: it’s definitely part of the series canon.
Never watched South Park.
Pooping when you die is common I think.
I have thought the death process alot. My biggest goal at this point is to be a beautiful corpse. Poop ain’t gonna cut it for me.
I need assurances.
Jim Hardy would have discovered it right away.
Definitely not from Wells Fargo. I bank with them, and have never gotten a call. You might look into NoMoRobo - that cut down Indian calls a lot even before they changed the rules to make even small connectivity companies verify calls.
That reminds me of an old Donovan song:
“If you have to die,
Please do it during tea break.”
Our trash emptiers came in the evening, and if not Friday certainly Monday, but I know of places that made you empty your own trash. More concerning is security. You’d think they would walk through the entire building at night, to check for electrical problems at least.
Can’t poop after you die if there’s no poop to poop, so if you think you’re about to die, go poop before the moment arrives. Problem solved.