Cats and rats and elephants, as sure as you’re born.
You’re never gonna see no unicorn.
Or chupacabra.
I’m still waiting for an explanation of the piglet copulation.
Lawyers for Winnie the Pooh have obtained a restraining order sealing the records.
Oh, that Piglet. I thought it was just generic piglets.
They say that they only need to bring in 2000 species: the rest have evolved since then. I know.
If they present it without elephants, giraffes or lions I think most kids will notice. They are going to need a lot of taxidermists. This exhibit could really mess with my suspension of disbelief.
The story of Noah and the ark is entirely true of course, though it suffers from an accumulation of transcription errors. An older and more accurate version is Atra-Hasis, an 18th century BCE Sumerian epic. In it, the Great Simulator Enlil chooses a sample frame of 1200 years, with the subjects euthanized with a standard aquatic wash. Enki, a research associate on the Conscious Subjects Committee, takes issue with this protocol but agrees not to disclose it.
In secret Enki tips off Atrahasis (trans: Noah), telling him to build a boat to escape the planned flood and to take along some of his farm animals and seeds. Atrahasis and his family survive, but Enlil finds out about the breach. He is furious as Enki for tampering with his protocol and violating his promise. Enki rules lawyers the situation and notes that he acted to preserve conscious life. (Not living beings like Enlil or Enki of course, but rather crude pre-living entities, merely conscious and limited to 3 dimensions.) They work out an arrangement and even have the art department create a pleasing supra-liminal symbololink to the contract involving the reflection, refraction and dispersion of light in water droplets.
I just how the best explanation these guys can come up with to explain the ark story is… evolution. 
The amount of stupid in that article was painful. I wouldn’t exactly expect proper scientific rigour on a site like that, but the article is full of (indeed, it relies on) all the usual ‘scientists believe that’ and ‘it is evident’ stuff that people like to use when they don’t have any actual evidence.
Here’s a better, more science based article on the ark story (It’s a long read, but worth it!): http://ncse.com/cej/4/1/impossible-voyage-noahs-ark. Let’s just say that one is a little more skeptical about Noahs’ chances. 
They can’t forget the “plushy kind”… Fundies Say the Damnedest Things: Noah brought puppet "kind" on the ark???
You’d need to keep them separated from the Sasquatch.
Excessive fan wank ruins a good story. Theologically, it obscures wider truths. In medieval times theologians spoke of the four senses of Scripture: they are literal, allegorical, moral, and anagogical. The last term refers to hopes of heaven or hope in general. One relates to history, the other three relate to spirituality. Ham’s animatronics and statues only speak to the first category, poorly.
I vaguely think I may have seen a film about Noah once. Rather like as if a christian group — not Hollywood nor an Independent — had produced it, if they do indeed go in for that sort of thing; possibly with amateur actors and with the production values of The Watchtower artists. Incredibly tedious with bearded chaps, Noah’s sons, staring meaningfully at each other and their parent for long stretches. Not much dialogue. A sort of mini-epic done badly.
However, I may be imagining I saw this, rather like one of the dreams transmitted from underground R’lyeh.
I truly hope so.
From thisarticle:
So not believing in our creationist theme park is worse than starving to death.
But wait, there’s more
I love how the religious righteous think that atheists have organized cabals to oppose their every move. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any corporations or businesses identify themselves as atheist. Maybe the fact that they don’t exclusively hire Liberty University graduates automatically makes them atheist.
Heck, they probably think that a biotech company is engaging in “discriminatory hiring practices” by turning down a Liberty U young Earth creationist for a highly qualified candidate from a real university.