I have had anxiety for a long time relating to being judged negatively for my preferences in movies, music, and other personal interests. Particularly on the Internet, there is a very disturbing tendency for some people to judge others’ intelligence and worth negatively based on things like what movies, music, books, or whatever else they happen to like. Certain works in particular are singled out as being the exclusive domain of stupid people or smart people (with nothing in between, as it would seem), and the process for determining an Acceptable Interest versus an Unacceptable Interest seems obtuse and arbitrary to me (the concept of “guilty pleasure” seems to draw upon this distinction. Even if I don’t watch/listen to/partake in the particular object of that person’s ire, that doesn’t really matter. After all, it could be my favorite thing that gets deemed officially Unacceptable some day.
As a result of this fear, I have tended to go out of my way to prevent others from finding out what things I like. I always listen to music with headphones, I minimize videos or news articles I find on the Internet if someone else enters the room, and I am rather vague when it comes to describing my interests when I am asked.
As a relatively recent example, there was an incident at my cousin’s place about a year ago, where she asked me what movie she should get from Netflix for us to watch. I said that I didn’t know and that I couldn’t anything interesting enough. She ended up just picking something herself. The truth was, I did see stuff that was somewhat interesting (or that I at least wouldn’t have minded watching). I didn’t mention any of it because I didn’t want to be judged negatively.
Is there something I’m missing? Is there a method to judge what is “acceptable” or “unacceptable” that everyone else seems to see that I don’t? What is the cut-off point? Is it, for example, a score of 80% or higher on Rotten Tomatoes? Or else, is the ability to distinguish quality something that certain people are born with? In which case, should I have run everything by these chosen people before I do anything? At some points, I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say “FINE! Give me a list! Give me a list of what I can and can’t have as entertainment preferences! Would I be a better person in your eyes then?”
Sorry if this is a bit long and rambling, but it has seriously caused me anxiety and I just need to get my grievances out.
It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to watch any movies or read books any more, for fear of choosing the “wrong” ones and that my choice is the result of an immutable inferiority, as some of the judgmental sorts of people would imply in their condemnations.
What you’re missing is not the ability to figure out the “right” things to watch or listen to, but the ability to be your own person and watch and listen to what makes you happy without feeling insecure because others judge you or fail to share your interests.
There is no one right list, because every group of people, and especially every group of people online, has their own preferences. I spend my online time primarily at three sites, one of which is the Dope, and there is very little intersection of interests among the three. The things that one site would find to be most appropriate would frankly be laughed off the Dope (the Christmas at the White House T.V. special, for instance, got great play at one site I visit, with everyone finding it very uplifting and meaningful. It was not even mentioned on the Dope, and if it had been it would only have been as an object of ridicule.)
Your choices are not signs of inferiority, they are signs that you are a unique individual with your own tastes and interests. Watching only what others like only makes you a follower, without the ability to think or act independently.
I went to the movies yesterday, and had a choice between *The Hobbit *and *Rust and Bone *(a French film). I went with Rust and Bone. Whether this makes me one of the crowd or not depends entirely on which crowd we’re talking about.
Yeah, if you’re worried about being cool you’re never going to enjoy anything without anxiety (or, seemingly paradoxically, be admired by anyone). I personally find action/fantasy/Adam Sandler movies dumb, but that’s a far cry from thinking the people who enjoy them are dumb. There are plenty of hip/“intellectual” movies I find dumb, too (Wes Anderson, Paul Thomas Anderson). I have my own personal tastes, just like all adults. Only morons judge people solely on the entertainment they prefer.
But why does the sentiment I fear seem so common? Every other day I see some variation of “The popularity of is a sign that society’s going to hell in a handbasket” or “I die a little inside when someone tells me they like [Y],” and there’s usually some sort of consistency regarding what gets condemned. They will vehemently deny that popularity is the reason for their disdain and condescension, but it’s usually something that had the unmitigated audacity to become too well known. This sentiment also seems to be common among those who pride themselves as being smarter than everyone else.
The trick is to not care what people think. Disagreement is just the flip side of agreement and both are arbitrary and meaningless. Even if 99% of people think your opinion is wrong there are literally millions (yes, literally and yes, millions) that agree with you. And what about all those things, unpopular initially but later loved, are you wrong when you like them from the start?
It’s pretty hard not to care when there’s the potential that I only like what I like due to there being something intrinsically wrong with me, and that there is apparently nothing I can do about it.
Or the misfortune of being someone who is not content to live and let live. It’s not just about the “let live” part, it’s also about the “live” part. Live your own life, and let others worry about themselves.
Here’s a tip: Unless real live human beings or animals are being harmed, there’s no form of entertainment for which enjoyment would indicate that there’s something intrinsically wrong with you.
If it’s popular, then by definition it’s enjoyed by many people. Anyone who dismisses art solely because it’s popular is just trying to mask their own insecurity by coming up with a reason to feel superior.
There are a number of people who would no doubt think there was something intrinsically wrong with me for being an atheist, or having pre-marital sex, or not wanting to live in the suburbs or whatever. Who gives a shit? Most people, I’d wager, would be more likely to judge you for letting a bunch of strangers define you than for what TV shows you enjoy.
Maybe, maybe not, but neither is there that assumption regarding entertainment preferences, except among 20-year-olds and pretentious, insecure douchebags. Well-adjusted adults understand taste and intelligence are not equivalent.
Note: I have not seen any of the Transformers movies, and I have never had interest in them. That is beside the point. My point is, I don’t know if there’s something that I like that would deem me as an uneducated, second-class citizen if it were revealed.
I read it. So what? You seem to think there’s some cultural governing body deciding who to deem a moron and who to deem intelligent, and that their word is law. That’s not reality, and I can’t figure out why you’re so hung up on some blogger/journalist/author’s opinion.
That’s news to me, considering the certitude by which people state what is “High Art” or “Low Art,” and condemn those enjoying the wrong things (“lowest common denominator trash”) as “a sign that Idiocracy is coming true” (as a side note, I’ve come to dislike the way that movie gets cited on the Internet as a shorthand way of saying “Everyone is stupid except US! Right guys?”)
How else would you explain things like the near-universal condemnation of the Star Wars prequels, or the near-universal praise of The Wire? Don’t tell me there isn’t some kind of consensus to this stuff. Is there some set of criteria used to make such determinations?
I worry because I don’t want to be demonized, ostracized, scapegoated, or lumped in with whomever the speaker thinks is ruining society or is marking the downfall of civilization.
Don’t tell me you haven’t seen on the Internet the sentiment (or some variation thereof) that goes something like this, usually uttered by self described “smart people”:
“Smart people like things like Radiohead, Mad Men, and Inception; idiots like things like American Idol, Jersey Shore, and Nickelback!”
This sentiment seems depressingly common.
To tell you the truth, I’ll tell you what triggered my anxiety this time. It was this thread:
I didn’t want to say it because I didn’t want it to seem like I was calling anyone out.