Any last-minute advice for a third-trimester preggo?

In My Humble Opinion
41

Only because Mrs. Cliffy isn’t on the Dope.

Anyway. IME, the first couple weeks after the kid was born had us both in a near-constant state of “There’s no way we can handle this for another week, let alone 'til she goes to college!” But literally every day is easier than the last. Don’t focus on tomorrow. Just put one foot in front of the other and in a week or so you’ll laugh about how terrified those first days made you.

Also, as may be obvious, if I knew you, I’d tell you to go to the hospital. But you’re not – OK, fine. However, if the kid does stay transverse, or if there are other issues that require intervention, or if for whatever reason you can’t get going on the nursing and you have to formula feed, or whatever – that’s fine. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. The natural birth brigade can be insufferable, but more than that, the natural is better message is so ingrained in pre-natal education that when something requires medical or technological intervention, many women feel that it’s because they did something wrong. Bullshit. Especially in the days immediately postpartum, you’ll be susceptible to feelings of inadequacy and depression due to the hormone imbalance. When things don’t go according to plan, just realize that that’s the way it is for all parents. Things never go according to plan. It’s not because you had a bad plan, or because you screwed up. And if some nice old lady comes up to you in the park three months from now and says “You’re not breastfeeding? It’s much better for the baby,” the proper response is to smile up at her, and say “Go fuck yourself, you old bat.”

Anyway, good luck – parenthood’s a blast (after those first couple demoralizing weeks).

–Cliffy

42

Not all of the males here think that. I too would like to see the myth that childbirth is not some sort of disease and is not a procedure. The first child we had was via c-section, not for any medical reason except she was worried she might have issues with her hip. It was the worst , mostly because I was kicked out of the room about 30 seconds after the baby was born, my wife was left by herself to recover for three hours alone, I was left with no information for that entire time and the baby was left alone as well. We were told in the hospital that my wife would not be able to breastfeed, and a bunch of other crap as well. We left a day early simply because we wanted away from the place.

With our second child my wife started going back to the doctors and they were pretty much telling her she would have to have another c-section. Only one that I remember gave any kind of good information saying it’s entirely possible to have a VBAC. She ended up going to the midwives wanting to have a VBAC and they were very supportive. They even had stats on the wall and would give cites to any questions I had. They do not do home births, but do have a birthing center. The midwives were always there for the most part during labor and delivery, always answered questions, and gave multiple options and reasons for and against each option. Because her water had ruptured and labor hadn’t really started she was started on pictocin, I think, but at a very slow rate. That was the only medications she received. I was actually surprised as how little of the pictocin she had to use as they brought a liter bag and she used only a small amount. When I asked how much they normally use I was told a whole bag!

Quite frankly I think doctors, especially the ones who think the whole thing should be done right away, give what ever meds are needed to quicken things up, should be done away with. Yes they are good for when things go wrong, but otherwise they are just not there. Midwives on the other had deliver babies a few times a week and are there throughout the entire process.

For the OP, just make sure your husband, or whoever, knows what you would like to happen. We talked about almost everything we could for weeks leading up to the delivery. This way he/she, knows what you expect and want. That will make things go much easier.

43

I fully and readily admit that I have not investigated the risks and benefits of home birth. However, I have to believe that there are some situations that absolutely require a hospital, and it seems that the OP acknowledges the same (by packing a bag for the hospital). If one of those situations arises and mom or baby is injured or worse by the delay, it would be hard for me to think “oh well, we made our choice, too bad it turned oput that way.” Also, can you imagine the ride to the hospital? Pure regret avoidance is probably not the best way to make decisions on certain issues or maybe in general, but I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself if my decision to not go to a hospital hurt my baby even temporarily.

Thanks for being civil with me in this thread, and I won’t harp on this any further (but will read any responses).

44

My husband probably would have preferred a home birth. As it was, I had complications, so it was better that we were in a hospital. But I do wish I had taken more time to really talk to the people at the hospital we went to. Some of the nurses there were incredibly insensitive. Case in point: after I had had eclampsia, was on magnesium sulfate, one of them asked us how we wanted our son treated when he was circumcised (I won’t even get into the circumcision discussion). Standard procedure was to give them a pacifier dipped in sugar water along with the topical anesthetic. I was already having nursing problems because I could hardly sit up thanks to the meds they were giving me and I didn’t want any chance that those could be compounded, so we asked that they not have the sugar on the pacifier because it’s possible that that can impact nursing. The nurse’s response? A really snotty, “Oh, so you want your baby to cry.” It was a damn good thing I was medicated or I would have smacked her. Hard.

So, if you have time and have already selected a hospital in case of emergency, consider talking to the nurses or staff there to find out what their standard procedures are. Keep in mind that you’ll have to be very flexible - in my opinion anyway, their SOPs if you or your baby are in danger trump many personal preferences; however, it’s good to know what you can and can’t control. That way you’ll know what’s a reasonable request and what could have a negative impact on you or the baby. An emergency during labor is a very heightened situation and you really won’t have time to think clearly. Better to think it through beforehand.

45

I am female and would virtually always recommend a hospital birth if it’s at all possible. I didn’t think that was the kind of advice the OP was going for, so I wasn’t going to mention it, but I decided to when I read this comment.

Yeah, well, I had a hospital birth with no stitches and no dropped or almost-dropped babies, so I’m guessing we could exchange anecdotes all day long without ever coming to a conclusion which way is better.

Sure there is…I didn’t want chocolate cake, but I had a bagel, lox, and cream cheese right afterwards, courtesy of my husband (he stopped to get it on the way to the hospital…we were each coming from our workplaces, so we weren’t together). God DAMN was I craving that lox! Made me wish for the good old days, when our moms ate whatever they wanted when they were pregnant. :slight_smile:

Anyway, my advice to the OP…don’t be surprised if nursing is WAY more time-intensive than anticipated. I felt like they were virutally latched on 24 hours a day for the first couple of months.

Also, what shallora said about the stuff you need & don’t need is pretty much true…the only thing I would add is several of those receiving blankets that you use to swaddle the baby. Mine liked to be swaddled all the time for at least a month or so, and they tend to spit up all over them, so you want to have a bunch of them on hand.

46

I’m going to trust that you’ve done your research like any Doper and that you have good reasons for choosing a home birth, and that you have an emergency plan in place. Just because it isn’t the option that everyone would choose doesn’t mean it’s wrong. (I split the difference and had a hospital birth with midwives, but I live in hippy-dippy Seattle where the hospitals have birth centers and, generally, a non-invasive approach to labor & delivery.) And I agree with WhyNot’s advice to practice (internal) eye-rolling and defending your parenting choices now, although I hate that our society makes us do that.

If you haven’t read it already, I highly, highly recommend Erica Lyons’ The Big Book of Birth. It’s all about labor, and I found it incredibly helpful – positive, empowering, and full of information.

Second, start reading askmoxie.org. Go through her archives, and definitely read the comments! I have had so much more confidence as a parent thanks to her site, and I trust my instincts more than I would have, too. If you don’t visit the site, at least remember this: YOU ARE THE BEST PARENT FOR YOUR CHILD. Just because something worked for my kid doesn’t mean it will work for yours, and you know your baby better than I do. And you know your baby better than your mom does! I’ve had to gently remind my folks that my son is not me or my brother – they can’t assume that something that worked for them (with their sample size of 2) will of course work for my son. Also, I suspect they have faulty memories, since it was 30 years ago! :wink:

Third, I loved my Moby Wrap and would loan you one if you lived near me. My son came to work with me until he was about 4 months old, and he practically lived in the thing all day long. He loved it, too – was happy as a clam, all snuggled up to me. He’ll be 16 months tomorrow, but I wore him in it last night when we went to get our Christmas tree! They’re only about $35, too, which is a LOT cheaper than a Bjorn or Ergo.

I second the recommendations for Happiest Baby on the Block and Sears’ The Baby Book. I still break out the latter for reference.

And this may or may not be helpful to you, but try to keep it in mind: when my son was about 2 months old, I noticed that things had slid into place a couple of weeks earlier. It wasn’t a “click – suddenly everything makes sense!” type of experience, but a, “Hey, this breastfeeding thing doesn’t feel awkward anymore; I think I’ve got the hang of it.” And my body adjusted somewhat to the amount of sleep I was getting. And I felt like I knew this little person who was living with us. So, give it 6 weeks or so, and it won’t feel so foreign. That said, if you’re having problems with PPD or breastfeeding or healing or whatever, don’t wait 6 weeks because some random person on teh intarwebs said so. :wink:

Oh! And my son only pooped every 2 weeks until he started eating solids. That was honestly normal for him. So if your kid’s “normal” is out of the ordinary (but otherwise healthy), remember that he or she hasn’t read the baby books and doesn’t know what’s normal. :slight_smile:

47

Even better is to take some of the mondo pads you’ve got stocked and soak them in water. Wring them out a bit and put them business side up in a mixing bowl in the freezer. They will freeze in a person-friendly shape and are not very messy.
Then you get to explain to your husband why there are pads next to the ice cream.

My favorite labor advice is that just when you reach the point where you don’t think you can take any more, there usually isn’t any more to take. It’s done.
I was perfectly happy with midwives (though we were at a freestanding birthcenter). In fact I’m thinking real hard about doing it one more time.

With all our prenatal prep (it was extensive) no one told me about the postpartum night sweats. I sweat like a hog at night for the first week while my body rid itself of the remaining accumulated fluid. Yick. Totally normal.

The handiest thing to remember with a new baby is that they’re very hard to break. Keep them warm, fed, clean, and cuddled and you pretty much can’t go wrong. The rest is details.

48

This just reminded me of something. When my younger son was weaned to formula from breast milk, he became very constipated. Our doctor said to put a tablespoon (I think) of dark Karo syrup in his formula. It worked! Has anyone else ever done this, or is it not accepted procedure now?

49

The thing that I am finally starting to get my head around after two and a half years is this: Almost every situation that seems hopeless, exasperating, or impossible? It’s just a phase.

Baby slept through the night for four months and now is up every hour? It’ll pass.
Baby won’t eat anything except noodles and mandarin oranges? It’ll pass.
Baby suddenly hates having a bath? It’ll pass.

Sometimes it might seem like just when everything seems to be going smoothly and you’ve got the hang of things, something will start going wonky and you’ll feel this utter despair. But pay close attention and I bet you’ll find that things are going right a lot more often than not.

When my daughter was about 6 weeks old, she would cry her little face off around 7:00 every night for no apparent reason. She wasn’t hungry, tired, wet or hurt, and the only thing that worked even a little was holding her slightly on a down angle under a bright light near a running faucet. It was exhausting and distressing and we knew we were the world’s worst parents ever. One night after she had stopped, I called my mom in tears, explaining how at 7:00 every night she cried for hours and hours, and that it had been going on for months on end. My mom laughed and told me to look at the clock. It was 7:45. I genuinely believed she had been crying for hours, but it had actually only been 45 minutes, which also prompted me to realize that what felt like months and months had actually only been a little over a week. (She hadn’t even been around for months and months!) All told, she did it for about a week and a half, but while we were in the midst of it, it seemed like it had always been that way and we sort of assumed it always would.

Same with other stuff like eating and sleeping. She’s had a number of phases where she’ll sleep through the night for months and months, and then for a couple of days or even a week will suddenly be difficult to get down at bedtime, or up a million times in the night. And during those few short days, we somehow get ourselves into the mindset of “Oh no! She never sleeps through the night anymore and probably never will again!” And, especially early on, moments like that can lead to a lot of panic and frustration, but if you ever find yourself in one of those moments, I hope you’ll remember that this too shall pass.

50

Oh, and calm calm calm. Almost every situation can be vastly helped by remaining calm.

51

Not Done.

Although I had a nurse (or rather, my daughter did) in the NICU who was fond of putting glycerin in the *other *end, in the form of suppositories, to get her to poop at least once every three days. They have to chart this stuff, and if the babies don’t poop often enough, they start to get scared and suspect NEC and then start talking about Procedures and Interventions, so I was all for the glycerin suppositories.

When she came home, we soon discovered that she’d poop on Friday at 11:45, thank you. And that was it. Once a week, but like clockwork. As her pediatrician said, “Well, I’d call that pretty ‘regular’!” :smiley:

ETA: Our ped was/is far more interested in the color and consistency of poop than the frequency. Oh, and there’s another warning for the OP: soon, you will actually enjoy conversations about your kid’s bowel movements. It’s okay. You can start poop threads in MPSIMS and we’ll understand.

52

I don’t think this is accepted procedure now because of the sugar. Then again, it depends on your doctor. Some are more old-school than others, but most would strongly recommend against it in most circumstances.

Plus, if you asked on a mom’s messageboard, you’d get flamed. People on those boards can be so freaking touchy! I once asked about a recommendation my son’s old pediatrician had made that I refuse to allow him more than X minutes on each breast when he was nursing and thought a lynch mob would show up at my door any day. Turns out the recommendation he made wasn’t a good one for our situation (one of the many reasons he is no longer my son’s pediatrician), but still, those people got downright rabid about the mere suggestion.

53

This reminds me that one other thing I learned is that, at least in my experience, doctors really aren’t very helpful when it comes to feeding babies & the issues/problems that come with it. For instance, my daughter’s poop was VERY green, and her doc was completely unconcerned. I did research on my own, because it just didn’t seem right. Turns out, the way she nursed was causing her to not get any hindmilk, which is the fattier breastmilk that lets down after they’ve been sucking a while. She was an on-again, off-again nurser, and didn’t suck long enough at any one time to get at the good stuff. So, I learned (on the internet), NOT to switch her from one side to the other with each feeding. For her, it was better to stay on one side from 4-6 hours, no matter how many times she decided to eat during that time, and then switch her to the other side for 4-6 hours. In about 1 day, her poop turned its normal color, and I’m convinced it helped her in the weight-gaining department, which she kind of needed, as well.

The moral of the story…if something doesn’t feel right to you…trust your instincts! (Not that I’m worried about it in your case…homebirthers tend to be well empowered in that direction, but I just thought I’d mention it. :))

54

Yes, I agree. If you do have to go to the hospital, will your same midwives deliver the baby? Or do you have an OB, as well? If the latter, I would also suggest reviewing a birth plan with him or her. I had one which my doctor had signed off on. One or two things on it deviated from SOP at the hospital. Despite the fact that I had my doctor’s signature right there, the nurse needed to call my OB to confirm things. She was very nice about it, actually. I just point it out to note that if you do end up at the hospital, you may have to speak up a little to get your way.

55

[hijack]Can anyone tell me where the term “preggo” came from? Is it just an Internet thing? I can’t look at the term without thinking of waffles. Now I’m hungry. Too bad there’s nothing waffle-y here at work.[/hijack]

56

Breathe.

57

Some more random things:

Read “Babycatcher” by Peggy Vincent for entertainment purposes. It’s autobiographical of her career as a midwife. Each chapter has at least one birth. You might cry a lot but it’s a great book especially if you have baby on the brain.

Also, after a couple weeks, join a mom’s group if you can. It’s awesome to have other new moms to discuss breastfeeding and such with. Also after several weeks it is great just to get out of the house for a few hours.

Stretch marks fade. Mine were vicious and purple but now they are shadows of their former selves. Also many moms don’t get them until the very end, so don’t be surprised if they only show up in the last couple of weeks.

If you’re a web geek, get hip to the mommy blogosphere. I favor SFGate’s The Poop and ParentHacks as well as local stuff. Google Reader is the main reason I have survived many naptimes (my son preferred to nap only on my chest for a while there.) I’m also digging Momversations recently.

58

Or, the morning you’re due to go in for the induction after waiting two weeks + past the due date :smack:.

I agree with the joining new mothers’ groups - just be aware that there are still some catty bitches even though they’re all new mothers. What I said earlier about taking advice with a pinch of salt applies to these groups as much as any one else. Not that I’m still bitter about that woman’s constant (march - august 1999) criticism of my child’s upbringing, not at all!