Today’s obscure wrestler name-drop is Vladimir Petrov, real name Al Blake. Back when the Road Warriors were feuding with the Barbarian and the Warlord, WWF snatched the latter two away and named them The Powers of Pain. WCW booker Dusty Rhodes and Ivan Koloff scrambled up replacements, gave them red masks, and they became the new Russian heel tag team. Petrov was the bigger one. Jack Victory was the other, and presumably the masks were issued to hide his face, since he was otherwise too recognizable.
On to the show…
Ex has been supplied with what Taz calls “a 55 gallon drum of diet soda pop.”
Taz blocks Ex when he tries to leave production meetings.
When “Perro Peligroso” Preston Vance is introduced, Taz calls him “Triple P, Perigloso Preston.” Ex asks if he called him Perry Como.
After Vance wins, he tears the mask off his opponent. Taz says “I’m gonna talk to Rush and Preston Vance about ripping your mask off.”
Taz: Dak Draper, no relation to Dak Prescott. Of course, people aren’t related by the first name.
Taz speculates on who in the wrestling world is hated more, Tony Neese or Dan Callis?
Taz urinated blood for 9 years after Sabu kicked him in the kidney.
Ex has trouble keeping track of which Renegade is which as they advance to the ring and cameras switch views. Taz says “How hard can it be? Charlotte’s in back! Charlotte’s in back!” Ex asks him if he’s a Thin Lizzy fan. Taz replies “No. Led Zeppelin.” After a minute, he mumbles, “OK, I see what you did there.”
The Wingmen vs. Jay Marte, Jarett Diaz & Rich Adams
The Wingmen enter the ring, all wearing black trunks.
Ex: Taz, are The Wingmen in mourning?
Taz: Yes, I think they are.
Ex: Usually a lot more colorful, but a very reserved color scheme for The Wingmen tonight.
Taz: Um, yes. Yes, I think you’re right about this.
…
Taz: Cesar Bononi, very handsome hair, kinda reminds me of Ricardo Montalban’s hair, back in the day. God rest his soul.
Ex: Is that who they’re in mourning over?
Hope Jeff is getting some help. I think he will be in pain the rest of his life, physical and otherwise, hope he can find some peace in his remaining time on earth. I think he has to stay away from wrestling, but I think he’ll find a way to return and start the cycle over again. Maybe not even a cycle, he might not make it all the way around the next time.
Now an Asuka/Liv Morgan team-up looks interesting (see the after match action starting around 4:45. Liv is a little weak technically, but strong in performance, Asuka needs help establishing a niche with the audience. This could be a tag team made in some hellish version of heaven and I want to see them perform. Gotta say I was initially underwhelmed by Asuka, but she pretty much saved women’s wrestling during the pandemic and proved her value once they allowed her to be multi-dimensional. She deserves another title run based on a big victory, like a clean win over Ronda.
Obscure wrestler reference part dieux: “Surfer” Ray Odyssey.
Throughout the show, Taz ribbed Excalibur for not winning Announcer of the Year for the 3rd year in a row (It went to Kevin Kelly of NJPW). Ex said he felt like “Surfer” Ray Odyssey when he got potato’ed 34 years ago. Odyssey was active during the 80’s and 90’s through feds big and small. His bio says he defeated Tazz (as he was known in WWF) in a dark match in 1991. Not sure if that was what Ex was referring to, but it was a subtle dig back at Taz nonetheless.
Incidentally, Taz was actually voted “Worst Wrestling Announcer” in 2013 when he was with TNA.
Taz puts Evil Uno over for his match with Jon Moxley last week, and then tells Ex “See? That’s how you build up anticipation!”
Ex asks Taz if he ever gets in street fights, and Taz railed about how he’ll wreck the bar if the bartender gets his drink wrong. He then tells Ex, “You’re usually the one in the corner sleepin’ while I’m fightin’ people!”
Ex announces a number of European streaming services that carry AEW. He then asks Taz, “Do you think we get a lot of views in Vatican City?” Taz replies, “I would think so. There’s a lot of paisans over there.”
The two criticize the wrestlers talking to their opponents during the match. Ex adds “Home boy talks too much!” Taz responds, “I know you like old school Hip Hop, but i digress.”
Leila Grey is announced as being from Queens NY. Ex asks Taz if he knows any girls from Queens. Taz replies, “I married one.” He then mumbles about struggling times in Queens, and then talks about watercraft.
Grey uses a hip check during her match. Taz says Tony Schiavone does the same thing at the salad bar. He loves his black olives.
Dream Girl Ellie screamed like Taz did in '95 when told he had to lose a match.
Taz now has legal representation with “Mongo” Mancino out of the Bronx. “Community College guys.”
“Slim J, short for Jones.”
Orange Cassidy makes a lackadaisical tag to Danhausen. Taz says, “Well, that was a warm tag. Not a hot one.”
During the Iron Man match at Revolution last night (which was an awesome match, BTW), MJF decided to take a breather in the stands at one point, and, ever dedicated to living his gimmick, he grabbed a fan’s beverage and threw it in a small child’s face.
Turns out that not only was the kid not a plant, the drink MJF threw on him was straight tequila.
Fortunately, the kid and his family seem to be OK, and Tony Khan reached out and gave them free tickets to Dynamite and a bunch of merch to smooth things over.
I wonder if Jim Cornette will be able to get over his instinctive hatred of all things AEW long enough to congratulate MJF for keeping kayfabe to a degree we haven’t seen since the days of The Sheik beating up fans for calling him by his real name.
wow, since when in the hell do ya get straight tequila at a show? the only time I have seen hard booze at a stadium or arena is at dodger stadium and it was a sort of club thing you had to have season tickets to enter
Climate Pledge Arena in Seattle has a full bar that’s open to the public. I’ve never patronized it, but I presume you could buy straight tequila there, and there’s probably nobody stopping you from bringing it into the bowl. Looking at Chase Center’s website, they apparently have a number of bars around the venue that serve hard liquor, including one that’s specifically tequila-themed.
Coming to you from the Cow Palace! The venue used to be known as the California State Livestock Pavilion. A local newspaper asked in 1935, “Why, when people are starving, should money be spent on a ‘palace for cows’?” A headline writer turned the phrase around, thus “Cow Palace”.
Taz: Too many people are happy today. That’s why I stay on social media, to bring my misery level up.
Brian Cage German Suplexes Bad Dude Tito. Taz: That’ll knock the vodka out of ya, Excalibur. Been wanting to say that all day.
Taz: Big man Murder Hawk Monster will rip your head off, spit right down your empty throat into your body cavity and organs and spit and throw up on you and everything.
Taz: Cartwheel Jones might be done doneski by Kenoshki – tried to rhyme there.
Taz: (Trying to describe Big Bill’s foot size) 20 inches, 20 foot, 20 foot foot… Ex: Foot foot?
Willow Nightingale vs. Zoe Dubois
Dasha Gonzales introduces Willow Nightingale from Long Island NY.
Ex: I have to compliment Dasha Gonzales. She nailed the “Lon Guyland.”
Taz: Yeah, it’s a little offensive to be honest.
Ex: It’s a cultural appropriation. You wouldn’t know anything about that.
Taz: Well, Dasha’s from Florida. Why she trying to do a NY accent? Sounds horrible! Zoe Dubois is introduced.
Ex: Zoe Dubois, got that Black Swan vibe.
Taz: She’s got that slanky woman vibe. Know what I mean? Slanky city. Like a Cirque De Soleil woman. Kind of mesmerizing. I have a cigar and watch somebody walk like that. Slanky.
Ex: Like a David Lynch movie where people are moving backwards.
Ryan Nemeth vs. A.R. Fox
Nemeth makes his entrance. A couple of dudes at ringside are dressed like Nemeth and Peter Avalon. Nemeth makes a rude gesture at them.
Taz: Love Nemeth. Nobody’s stealing my gimmick! I’m stealing!
…
Taz: Nemeth really pulled the rug from the fake Nemeth, right? That’s be like it Ryan Nemeth had a brother. That’s his brother!
Ex: That idea is so ludicrous, it would never work.
Ex makes a joke about Nemeth going through wallets backstage.
Taz: Speaking of wallets, I tried picking up Tony Kahn’s wallet. Couldn’t lift it.
Ex: It’s like Mjolnir. That’s Thor’s hammer.
Taz (flabbergasted): It’s rare that you hear…
Ex: Rare that you hear a reference to Norse mythology?
Taz: That’s exactly right. Thank you for saving me.
…
Ex: Real ‘low key’ vibe off Ryan Nemeth, like the trickster out of Norse mythology.
Taz: mumbles
Ex: What a Sisiphian task, working with you.
Taz: Watch your mouth!
We begin with Taz struggling to announce Dark Order vs. The Outrunners. He eventually proposes they combine to form “Out of Order.”
Johnny Hungee and Magnum have a pose-off. Ex and Taz deduct points from John because he keeps doing double biceps. Ex says “We’re going to have to start issuing fines.” Taz comments “That’s a first.”
Taz considers doing the rest of the show in his radio voice. Ex asks him to do Riho’s entrance, but he says he’s not a machine. Ex says “So, Super Strong Suplex Machine but not radio machine?”
Taz says despite her smiles, Riho is really mean. He says that she yelled at him in catering. She was getting a black coffee with a double shot of espresso (the girl likes her caffeine) when Taz asked her to pass the oat milk. “She cut a promo on me bro! In English! She didn’t give me oat milk, she gave me almond milk!”
Taz says the AEW women’s division is full of “angry pissed-off women.”
Ex calls Riho’s 619 move as “The Area Code Shot.” Taz asks “What area code do you live in?” Ex replies “619.” A way to get around copyright infringement maybe?
Says women are better at bridging out because “they have different equipment.”
Taz says Jeeves K is a really mean butler as he was harassing the catering crew while getting food for the Trustbusters. Ex asks if this was the same time Riho yelled at him. Taz replies, “Yeah! How’d you know?”
Lee Johnson vs. Action Andretti
Taz gets annoyed at the producer handing him notes while he’s commenting.
Taz: New guy, Thomas. Tom Ass, that’s his name."
Ex: Tom Ass? Related to Billy Gunn? More nepotism at this company? Hard to believe!
Taz: Too much nepotism. It’s horrible.
on the Jim Cornette Experience podcast, they discussed a story where the WWE and the sportsbooks are trying to figure out how to take bets on wrestling The consensus was its a stupid idea… but its apparently a real thing as I found these results when I looked it up
This link is some odds websites explaining ho it works
According to someone on the board I believe, you can place bets on WWE events in England. Maybe someone with a true inside line to WWE decision making could trust a leak of a winner for an upcoming match, but otherwise the rumor mills aren’t that accurate and WWE has changed their mind last minute when a proposed ending gets to much ink. I imagine they can also set it up so you can’t win much, there are probably plenty of people just betting on a popular face that can provide some small payoff to those who bet on the heel, who is always most likely to win any match.
Reportedly WWE’s plan was to have an accounting firm secure the match results well in advance and only provide them to the wrestlers just before the match, a la the way Hollywood awards shows do. Seems like a good way to stifle creative’s ability to change things based on crowd reactions and give the wrestlers less opportunity to plan out a match.
It definitely wouldn’t work if Mr. “Tear up the script half an hour before airtime and rewrite everything on the fly” were still in charge.
Taz calls Juice Robinson “Rock Hard Jones,” and adds “I been wantin’ to say that since he got here!”
Juice throws Leon Ruffin through the ropes. Taz says “It was kinda like a nutbuster on the ropes and a jawbreaker outside!”
Taz thinks Ex calls too much attention to facial hair. Ex replies that’s it’s filler for when he doesn’t know what to say.
Taz says referee Mike Posey lost 50-60 grand at the 5 dollar slots.
Bear Bronson holds Ryan Nemeth upside down in a double arm hook. Ex says Nemeth enjoys it because it gives him a new inventive angle to steal stuff from. Taz adds, “You said it earlier, you just don’t know what to say sometimes.”
Taz says Nemeth stole his tournament bracket. Ex says “You know, you can do those online.”
Taz calls Bear Boulder “Meat Man Jones, like a big slab of baloney!” Ex asks, “Baloney comes in slabs?”
As the Renegades make their entrance, Taz says “You ask me, I think they’re twins. Identical twins.” Ex says “Not identical! Different facial structure, different hair style, come on Taz!” Taz replies, “What are you, a plastic surgeon all the sudden?”
Ex: Is this Philadelphia? All the boo birds are out. Taz: Announcer cliche 101.
Billie Starks comes out wearing a gigantic ugly possum head. Ex says “Taz, I want you to take back every mean thing you said about my mask!”
Leila Grey vs. Kiera Hogan
Taz: She’s out of Queens, you know.
Ex: It’s almost like you called one of Leila’s matches before and had prolonged discussions about women from Queens.
Taz: Well, it’s a New York thing. You wouldn’t get it, know what I mean bro? New York people get it, you know.
Ex: Are you accusing me of not being a native New Yorker?
Taz: You’re not a native New Yorker. You spent some time in the Westchester area of New York, I believe. Some type of house arrest you were under, I dunno.
Ex: That was actually a roundabout way of me making a reference to the song by Odyssey, “Oh Oh Oh You’re a native New Yorker.”
Taz: I remember that song. You’re old. You’re an old guy!
Ex: The mask hides it well.
…
Taz: Leila Grey is upset with everything going on right now. Very upset. Look at that. That’s a sign that someone’s upset when they smash your head into the mat. It’s what I want to do to Alex Marvez in the announcers’ room sometimes on Dynamite. Smash his head into the locker.
Ex: Any reason in particular?
Taz: He tried to talk to me at a hotel front desk. Bad timing.
Ex: Did you hear he was giving out your Social Security Number backstage?
Wrestlemania is only 6 days away, and barring any last-minute surprises it looks like we’ve got the full card announced, so here’s my predictions.
Undisputed WWE Universal World Heavyweight Championship of the Universe: Roman Reigns (c) vs. Cody Rhodes. Cody is the right person to win this match, but I kinda wish it hadn’t been booked this way. Roman’s streak should have been booked to go at least another year, and possibly long enough to rival Bruno’s 7-year run back in the day. It would’ve been better if they’d booked Roman to defend one title against Cody on one night and the other against someone else (Sami or Lashley or Strowman maybe) the other night, so Cody could win without ending his streak. If this is the way it has to be, though, Cody is the right man for the job and it’ll be a good conclusion to his ten-year arc of becoming Stardust, getting buried, quitting, dominating the indies, starting his own promotion, and then returning as a top star to the company that once saw him as an afterthought.
Intercontinental Championship: GUNTHER (c) vs. Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre. Sheamus, who’s been an underappreciated workhorse for years, gets the win here to cap off his feud with the artist formerly known as WALTER and finally become a Grand Slam Champion. I wish this were just Sheamus vs. GUNTHER one-on-one so they could try and outdo their match-of-the-year from Clash at the Castle. Perhaps Drew is here to take the fall so GUNTHER’s reputation as an unbeatable powerhouse can be protected. (Humorous aside: Back when Sheamus gave Drew McIntyre his sword on Smackdown a few years back, Michael Cole screwed up a few weeks later and said the sword was a gift from Drew’s grandfather, so it’s my headcanon that Sheamus is in fact Drew McIntyre’s grandpa.)
Undisputed Tag Team Championship: The Usos (c) vs. Sami Zayn & Kevin Owens. It feels wrong to have the Bloodline lose all their belts in one night, but Sami/Kevin are the right pick to win this one. Their respective face turns have played out masterfully, with Sami’s run with the Bloodline being one of the best examples of long-term booking WWE has pulled off in decades, and them winning the titles is the proper conclusion to that arc. Maybe there’ll be a last-minute switcheroo where they decide only one set of belts is up for contention so that the two brands can each have their own titles again.
Raw Women’s Championship: Bianca Belair (c) vs. Asuka. This could go either way, but I’m gonna say Bianca retains.
Smackdown Women’s Championship: Charlotte (c) vs. Rhea Ripley. The last time these two met at Wrestlemania, it was in a gymnasium with no audience and Charlotte condescended to take Rhea’s NXT championship off of her despite being on the main roster at the time. This is Rhea’s chance for revenge, and I say she wins the belt.
United States Championship: Austin Theory (c) vs. John Cena. The outcome of this one depends on whether Cena plans on sticking around for at least a part-time run. If he’s gonna be wrestling on the regular again, then CENAWINSLOL. I don’t think that’s going to be the case, though, so Austin wins and gets to be The Man by beating The Man.
Hell in a Cell: Edge vs. Demon Finn Balor. Now THIS is the kind of match HIAC is made for. Too often HIAC matches just get thrown together because the calendar says it’s time for the PPV of that name. This is another one that could go either way. Edge winning here would get him his revenge against Finn for taking Judgment Day away from him. On the other hand, the last time we saw Demon Finn, his supernatural powers were laid waste to by a broken turnbuckle and a single spear from Roman Reigns, utterly destroying his mojo and credibility and killing what had been an awesome match up to that point, so Finn absolutely needs to look strong here. If he doesn’t win, then it needs to be because Edge is capable of channeling his old Brood persona and becoming even more demonic and maniacal than the Demon.
Seth Rollins vs. Logan Paul. Rollins became a jobber to the stars so gradually that I didn’t even notice until just recently. He wrestles almost every PPV and often main-events, but he’s only gotten a non-DQ win in singles PPV matches five times in the last three years. And as much as I loathe Logan Paul as a banal and childish Youtuber and an overall shitty human being, I grudgingly respect the quality of his ring work, so it’s an easy call to say he wins this one. Backlash is taking place in Puerto Rico this year, and Bad Bunny vs. Logan Paul is rumored for that card, so there’s a chance that Bunny gets involved in this match in some fashion to set up that feud.
Brock Lesnar vs. Omos. Rumor has it that Brock’s contract is up after Wrestlemania, and while Hunter is probably willing to pay any sum of money to keep him around, Brock doesn’t really need the money at this point, so it’s anyone’s guess if he’s gonna stick around. If he’s staying, then BORK SMASH is the obvious call, but a win for Omos would really boost his reputation, which he could use since he’s physically very impressive but not really much of a worker.
Becky Lynch, Trish Stratus, & Lita vs. Bayley, Dakota Kai, and Iyo Sky. Vince was never able to resist putting legends over at Wrestlemania at the expense of the current generation, and although Hunter’s booking style is very different from his father-in-law’s, he probably sees the value in going for that nostalgia pop too. Becky & co. win this one.
Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Dominik Mysterio. Another one that could go either way. It’d be very odd for Rey to lose the same weekend that he’s going into the Hall of Fame, but if he’s winding down his career at this point (which I wouldn’t blame him for, seeing as he’s done pretty much everything there is that a wrestler can do in the span of a career), I can see him deciding to be old-school and go out by putting his kid over. Dominik wins. (Another aside; I recently saw a Tiktok of a fan interaction with Rey where he didn’t have his mask on. The whole angle back in the day where Eddie Guerrero claimed to be Dom’s real father would never have worked without the mask, because Dominik looks exactly like his old man.)
Raquel Rodriguez & Liv Morgan vs. Natalya and Shotzi vs. Ronda Rousey and Shayna Baszler vs. TBA. This match, and the next one after it, feels like one of those 5-on-5 filler matches New Japan puts on the undercard of their big shows so everyone can get a few minutes in the spotlight without any of them having to put in too much work. There’s not really any story behind either of them and it doesn’t really matter who wins, so I’m gonna give it to the Two Horsewomen.
The Street Profits vs. Alpha Academy vs. The Viking Raiders vs. Braun Strowman & Ricochet. Ditto everything I said above. I’ll give this one to, let’s say, Ricochet and Braun.
That’s 13 matches spread across two nights, which is the fewest they’ve had since Wrestlemania became a two-night event, and also less than the last time they did Wrestlemania in one night. In fact, it’s been 7 years since there was a Wrestlemania with fewer matches on the card, and that show was awful since Vince seemed hellbent on putting over the heels in every single match up to the main event so that the crowd would be forced to cheer for Roman (which didn’t work since he STILL got booed to Hell and back when he beat Hunter for the title.) It’s entirely possible another match or two gets added at Raw or Smackdown this week. Bobby Lashley vs. Bray Wyatt was being planned at one point, but Bray is reportedly sidelined with an illness, so maybe they’ll find a substitute opponent for Lashley. The Miz is being promoted as this year’s “host”, so maybe he’ll get worked into a match against Dexter Lumis, Johnny Gargano, or both of them with a tag partner.
