Recently I have become well aquainted with two women who used to be guys. Both are wonderful people who seem content with their choices. In the course talking with these women, I have become aware of a number of different issues surrounding the transgender community that I have never really considered until now. Because I fear being rude and insensitive, I have resisted ‘grilling’ my new friends about their experiences. Also, no two people have the same experiences.
So… Any transgender Dopers…
Was the change all you thought it would be?
What are the downsides of changing gender?
How did your family, friends, and community react to your gender change?
Were you able to navigate the legal aspects of gender change easily? or did you run into roadblocks, either intentional or unintentional?
What would you like mainstream, straigt folk to understand about your experiences?
Do you welcome honest questions about your gender change?
and last
Is it wrong of me to be resentful (but in a good way) that my two transgender friends, who have only been girls a relatively short period of time, look way better as chicks than I, who has been a girl my whole life, ever will?
Umm… look, OP, this board has a very prominent and highly respected poster who happens to be transgender. However, knowing her (insomuch as I may presume to know her), I highly doubt she’ll be posting in this thread. It just ain’t her style.
There are several Dopers who are transgendered, although it’s not my place to name them. If you do a search for transgender or transsexual on the boards, you’ll find a lot of discussion on the topics you’re asking about, and a lot of personal testimony about being trans.
I know you’re not trying to be rude or insensitive, but saying things like “they used to be guys” and “they changed genders” starts you off on the wrong foot.
They have always been women, they just had the misfortune to be born with the wrong physical characteristics.
Most of the transgendered people I have known and seen online have spent a LOT of time and energy, not to mention expensive and painful surgery, to look the way they think they should look. I would certainly hope they look fantastic.
And when a person’s gender identity is a legal question first and foremost you’ll have a point. Since legal considerations fall somewhere on the list between “what does my fourth cousin twice removed I met once in Cleveland that time I had a layover think of Robert Ludlum?” and “what brand of dog food does Jim Parsons feed his Yorkies?” in terms of importance, you don’t.
And since this doesn’t apply to you and you’re directly contradicting other people’s lived experience, maybe you’re the one who should stop forcing your perspective, which is blatantly wrong, into the discussion.
And by the by, for everyone playing, it’s transgender. (The OP got it right.) Not transgendered. There is no -ed. Stop with the damned -eds already. Transgender. Often shorthanded as trans or trans*. Opposite: cisgender.
Actually, bouv’s statement is factually correct, in that, if you don’t want to appear rude or insensitive, then you should avoid language like that when talking to or about transpeople.
If you don’t care about being rude or insensitive to transpeople, knock yourself out.
If you were the only person in the world, that would matter. But you aren’t and so it doesn’t. There are dozens of situations where the legal definition of one’s gender is all that is going to matter-- insisting that Bob is a girl might be politically correct, but not always operationally useful.
So, while I can appreciate your informing us of the etiquette involved, let’s not transform etiquette rules into unassailable facts.
Opposite as in, gender matches biology. In other words (and I apologize in advance for not being completely open in my language; it’s hard for a person unpracticed to get the vocabulary right), people with girl bodies who are girls, and people with boy bodies who are boys. (ie, most people).
I believe the most modern, up-to-date terminology is transman (for a man who was born with a vagina) and transwoman (for a woman who was born with a penis). Transfolk would not say “I am transgendered.” They would say, “I am trans/transgender” or “I am a transwoman/transman.” You can call transfolk “transgendered” if you want, but it’s not what they call themselves. I don’t know why, that’s just how it’s done. If you want to be sensitive to transfolk, then call them what they call themselves. If you don’t want to be sensitive to transfolk, then act like John Mace is acting in this thread.
“Cisgender” is a neologism, coined to mean the opposite of transgender. “Cis” is a Latin prefix meaning “on the same side as” (wiki definition). It just means your internalized gender concept has matched your physical genitalia for your entire life. And similar to the abbreviated form “trans,” people who aren’t trans but are active in the sexual identity community may call themselves “cis.” “I’m cis,” means I’m a woman who was born with a vagina, and I have always felt like a woman (or man, penis, etc).
There are also people who go back and forth, are undecided, don’t feel like EITHER gender, or feel like a third gender. They refer to themselves as “genderqueer.”