Dingdingding! Yup, don’t want to be an Opalesque “looka meeeee!!!” type.
But I don’t want to seem coy, so here’s the scoop. At the tender age of 16, a couple guys had unsuccessfully tried the “battering ram” method of deflowering me, much to the embarrassment and discomfort of both of us. Then, upon my next menses, I tried to use a tampon - in 1969, still something relatively new on the scene. I could not remove it when the time came. Of course I panicked, and cried for my mother. Bless her heart, this poor woman thought she was having fatal hemmoraging when when had her first menses, since her mom died when she was an infant and no one had clued her in to what was in store for her. As a result, she was determined to help her child through whatever menses drama occurred; she didn’t hesitate to try and help me, even though she didn’t approve of tampons in the first place. Well, that little bastard was not coming out, so we went off to the ER.
So here’s the
Dingdingding! Yup, don’t want to be an Opalesque “looka meeeee!!!” type.
But I don’t want to seem coy, so here’s the scoop. At the tender age of 16, a couple guys had unsuccessfully tried the “battering ram” method of deflowering me, much to the embarrassment and discomfort of both of us. Then, upon my next menses, I tried to use a tampon - in 1969, still something relatively new on the scene. I could not remove it when the time came. Of course I panicked, and cried for my mother. Bless her heart, this poor woman thought she was having fatal hemmoraging when when had her first menses, since her mom died when she was an infant and no one had clued her in to what was in store for her. As a result, she was determined to help her child through whatever menses drama occurred; she didn’t hesitate to try and help me, even though she didn’t approve of tampons in the first place. Well, that little bastard was not coming out, so we went off to the ER.
So picture a circle divided into two halves. One half is clear and open. The other half is solid membrane. That’s a normal hyman. Now picture a tendon, apparently constructed of titanium and nerve endings, stretching from the center of the hole to the top of that hole, blocking all things from entering or exiting through said hole. That was my pubescent pudenda. The doctor said he could snip the tendon and solve the problem. With wide-eyed innocence I tremblingly asked if I would still be a virgin, and promptly got the troublemaker disposed of and went on to enjoy lots of unencumbered teen sex.
I was just wondering if that was common…
Dang! Don’t know how I double posted. Sorry.
TMI WARNING:
I have a remaining band of tissue separating my hoohaw into two openings. One side is significantly smaller than the other. Occasionally I will get a tampon inserted into the small side and when it swells, it can’t be removed. After the initial panic, I’ve discovered ways to manipulate the tampon to remove it but…um…EWWW. I’ve never had any problems with sex, though. My family doc said it could be removed but unless it was troublesome or I got pregnant I should just leave it alone.
What is the world is a hoohaw?
Surgery, no. Anesthesia, yes.
“Battering Ram”, Really? That made me snort and now the dogs are looking at me like I am an idiot.
A vagina.
Inspired, no doubt, by the Uruk-Hai breaching the gate at Helm’s Deep.
It sounds to me like the trip to the ER was the traumatic part. Beyond teen angst, was the sexual aspect extremely scarring?
I couldn’t say for sure, not having been there, but I’d guess the GP was more sadistic than masochistic… :dubious:
Yup. My feeble attempt at a funny.
I’m actually curious about this. I’ve been with my girlfriend for a long, long time and we’re at the point where we’re thinking of getting engaged within a year or so. However, we’ve never been able to have sex; in fact, even one finger hurts her tremendously. I have no idea what kind of solution there is for this. What sort of surgery did you have?
It took five sessions, with a well-experienced helpmate, for my cherry to finally pop…I mean, break…I mean, stretch and rip…whatever. I didn’t think much about it, except that it seemed odd, until my niece had a similar issue and the doctor surgically removed hers; I guess it was causing her actual female problems. I guess there’s a name for it, though I don’t remember what it was, just that it’s apparantly hereditary and, well…voila. It wasn’t just me being a wuss! 
Honestly, I’d recommend you just go get it snipped. You are likely to become pregnant at some point, and it’s probably better to just do it NOW, planned, and solve all those other problems as well.
I think a similar question was asked, but my only question would be: Was your surgery to “remove” or otherwise address an issue specifically related to the hymen?
Don’t assume it’s a hymen issue. There are many possible causes for sexual pain.
SiXSwordS threw out the word “Dyspareunia”, here’s the Wiki article. A friend of mine dealt with the agony of vulvar vestibulitis for a few years- this came after she had for many years enjoyed a healthy sex life, it just all of the sudden got really bad one day. Doctors instructed several kinds of therapy, which didn’t seem to work, then one day it just got better.
I do tend to get annoyed at how dismissively posters here bark “ask a doctor” anytime someone has a medical question (seems those with health coverage have no idea that they are lucky to have health coverage and that “ask a doctor” is a financially burdensome experience for many of us), however, she really does need to see a doctor. There are way too many different possible causes for her pain and she needs a professional to diagnose it.
That, said, if medical care is out of her reach at the moment and you are both fulfilled in a loving sexual experience of “everything except penetration”, then just keep enjoying all the non-painful sex acts until she can see a doctor.
I actually like hearing of a couple recognizing they can have a happy sex life without intercourse. I happen to really like intercourse, but it seems to me too many people fall into a “sex = intercourse” way of thinking rather than more fully exploring many of the other delights.
My sisters’ and I all rode horses so it wasn’t an issue.
Check out this page for medical diagrams of some possible shapes a hymen can take. Spoilered for the two-click rule, as it’s not something you want coming up on your screen at work.
I have no idea how you’d tell the difference between some of those. Real life isn’t as neat and clear as those diagrams. But a couple people here have mentioned septate hymens (with a bridge of sorts) and other trouble, so I thought it might be useful.
I chose to have surgery before becoming sexually active. I had one of the ‘rare’ types shown on that page, and while it never caused problems with tampons my gyno and I decided that taking care of it surgically before I tried to fit a penis in there would be the best idea.
The gynecologist did the work herself. She used only a local anesthetic, I was awake and on a bed with my legs spread and a really bright light focused on my nether regions. She snipped out the offending bit (not the entire hymen, just the part that was bothersome) and used chemical cauterization to stop the blood flow. Her assistant had a needle and thread at the ready if I needed a stitch or two, but I didn’t. I drove myself home afterward. I’d planned to return to work that afternoon, but ended up going home instead. (I was walking really carefully and didn’t want to have to deal with coworkers.)
The most painful part was that the chemicals used for cauterization got, um, smeared around a bit by my underwear. That stuff BURNS when it gets into non-numb areas! Once I got home I wiped up as much as I could without actually hitting the surgery site. Aaaah, relief! I was walking normally by the end of the evening. I probably had some mild spotting afterward, but I don’t really recall.
I had no bleeding or pain when I lost my virginity. After the surgery I got a toy and used it, which probably helped. 
I did have some pain later which eventually turned out to be the only symptom of a low-level yeast infection, but that’s another story.
Hope that helps people who have questions or are curious.
I would love for her to go to the doctor but I can’t convince her to go. She is absolutely terrified of the speculum. I don’t really blame her; if I can’t get one finger in without pain, how are they supposed to use a rigid device without causing her agony? That said, it’s been almost eight years of non-penetrative sex. I love her dearly, but I do want something more.
Speculums are part of a standard pelvic exam, but there’s no law that doctors have to do a complete pelvic exam on every woman who walks in the door. She could ask the doctor to do a visual examination only with NO penetration, or even discuss the problem without allowing a pelvic examination at all (though that would handicap the doctor quite a bit). I know there are some real asshole MDs out there who won’t listen, but a good doctor - particularly a female gyno - should understand the problem and be able to do something for her without putting her in agony. Her body, her choice of how much access the doctor gets.
I hope something works out for you guys. Pain down there is not fun. 