“Gilligan” has almost made me want to ditch my given name and run like the wind, but “Jellybean” just barely makes me stick it out. I don’t think my parents would be thrilled if I changed it, but they wouldn’t stand in the way of it happening.
For most people I’ve known, whatever reasons they have for choosing the name, it’s given to a child within the first few days. I can’t think of any other circumstance where we’d expect someone to make a big decision like that within the first few days of knowing someone, so surely telling your parents that this decision doesn’t seem to fit anymore shouldn’t be read as a huge questioning of their judgement overall.
My “new” name is actually a combination of family traditions from both sides-- my mom changed her name legally from First Middle Married to Middle Maiden Married (she’s gone by her middle name since high school). I chose a new middle name, the same as her maiden name-- so our middle and last names are the same. My dad’s middle name is the same as his mother’s maiden name, so my name’s very much like both of theirs. They think I’m strange, but they’re not terribly upset by it. It also doesn’t bother me that they still call me by my birth name; that’s parental privilege.
Speaking of strange-- one of my uncles, the youngest on my mother’s side, was named by his siblings. His parents apparently didn’t feel like coming up with the right name, so within a few months his siblings had nicknamed him “Rabbit” because he was very small. It stuck, and he was known as Rabbit all his life. I guess I’d have to do something weirder than filching my mom’s name to be weird, in this family!
Corrvin
Doh! I meant “great-uncle” here, and not my mother’s brother. (Uncle by courtesy.)
This is just my humble opinion.
Call yourself whatever you want. Your folks will still call you Jane or John but you can train all new folks to call you whatever.
I personally wouldn’t abandon my given name permenently (ie: have it officially changed) until I was older as most grow into their names. I hated mine. I mean, who think being named after a daisy or a CHEAP brand of pop is clever??? But now it is me and I love it.
In the olden days it was common for people with the same name to give each other nicknames. My grandmother was called Piper. There were two Mary’s in her family…16 kids, must have run out of name options. When she moved away she called herself Mae but at home she was Piper.
Pretty cool, huh?
Shasta…yup, cheap pop :smack:
Forgot to reply to the second half.
Would I be offended if one of my kids changed their name? No because I understand that is all apart of the growth process. I won’t say I’d use it (old habits die hard) but offended? No.
Shasta
I changed my name and frankly I don’t think it’s any of my parents’ business. As it happened, they were not in the slightest upset. My grandmother was, but that was just entertaining to me.
I was given my grandmother’s name, Barbara, when I was born. My mother had also been christened Barbara, but in order to avoid confusion had always been called by her middle name. My grandmother never really went by Barbara either, just by her initials or by title and surname.
About six years before I changed my name, my mother legally changed hers to be just the middle name and last name. Then I changed mine to be a foreign diminutive of the (at this point completely unused by anyone but me) Barbara. That’s when my grandmother, who as I noted didn’t even go by Barbara decided to throw a shitfit over everyone abandoning her name.
Whatever.
My brother and sister both have three given names + surname.
I, the oldest, got two given names + surname. My middle name is a family name. We are allegedly descended from Light Horse Harry Lee, although I have found no proof of that yet, so one child in each family gets Lee as a middle name. My first name is Virginia. I HATED it growing up. I heard the jokes like “Virgin for short but not for long.” I was also called Virginia ham, and every other cruel thing you can imagine.
I tried going by Ginny, and did so for some years. But I didn’t really like it either. I’m just not a Ginny.
So about 6 years ago I was talking to my Mom one day about how much I disliked my name, and she casually asked why I didn’t change it. So I did. I was completely at a loss, and asked my husband what he would choose. He told me what name he would give me, and I liked it, and went with it.
My dad was extremely unhappy. He and my mother chose my name very carefully and he was upset that I was abandoning it. I explained that I’m not abandoning it–if I ever get around to legally changing it, I will just add my new name to the other two names. That way I’ll have 3 given names like my brother and sister do, and am not getting rid of the names he and my mother carefully chose.
My dad and monster still call me Virginia or Ginny, as do my in-laws (whom I haven’t even bothered to tell about the new name–they already think I’m totally bonkers). And old friends still slip every now and then, but I’m not offended. When I introduce myself to new people, I give them the new name.
I don’t have kids, but if I did, having been through the name thing myself, I don’t think I’d be too concerned about them changing their names.
Now, this is the one thing that I think would bother me, as a parent. If my kids decided they didn’t like their first names, I’d probably be surprised and likely a little disappointed, but I don’t think I’d be completely bothered. But all three have what you refer to as heirloom middle names - my son has his great-grandfather’s middle name, my first daughter has her father’s middle name (which was his grandmother’s maiden name) and my youngest daughter has my maiden name. It might be selfish, but especially in the case of my youngest daughter, I’d be sad if she decided to ditch her middle name, especially since there is only one boy in my father’s family who could possibly pass it on. We gave them perfectly nice, acceptable names (which they all seem to like) and took our liberties with the middle name, given that it’s a lot less likely to cause them any sort of real embarassment or grief.
The upshot is, they all have names that truly pass the “Supreme Court Justice” test. I frequently get comments on how “impressive” the names sound, and am told they’ll either be business tycoons or Hollywood stars.
I’m actually in the process of dithering about whether I want to change my name legally.
The forename my parents gave me is floral. I am … not floral. So it’s always sort of rubbed me funny.
For a while I did fullname – first-middle doesn’t rub me wrong, something about the moderating influence of the middle name makes the floralness less present or something. Then for a while I did initials.
I have a preferred new name, and my friends are fairly consistent about using it these days. I haven’t bothered my kin with it, because I figure it’s not a big deal (and I don’t know if it would cause drama, and I’d rather not invite it). My in-laws were confused by the presents my husband directed to the new name at Christmas, though. :}
So I dither about changing it. On the one hand, having a name that parses as sort of an alias, an impersonal handle, makes dealing with bureaucracies psychologically easier. But it could, in theory, be a big old hassle to deal with documents and stuff. On the other hand, that’s not my name, my name is what my friends call me. And if I get it legally changed (adding the new one at the front and bumping the old forename-middle to two middles) my initials would be ‘KHAN’, which would be kinda cool.
-
I did. I feel my legal name is too antiquated, unattractive and hard to pronounce so I go by Anu. My family still calls me by my legal name but everyone I’ve met since the first day of college calls me by my nickname (which was my childhood nickname until my parents figured out that yelling my real name was more satisfying…more syllables and all)
-
No, I anticipate it. I have the same fondness for old-fashioned Indian names my parents did.
- How many of you dopers have abandoned your given names for a nickname, and why?
I haven’t, except online and everyone there calls me by my initials. I don’t really make a secret of my given names, I just don’t really use them here.
- Would you be offended if one of your children made it clear that he or she simply couldn’t stand the name you gave him or her?
I’d be sad I think, as I named my son after my Grandfather and a Great-uncle. But if he really hated his name so much, I think by the time he got around to changing it I’d know already.
I did know a guy who changed his name (his full name). His parents hated it enough that he was considering changing his last name back, though keeping the first and middle name he’d chosen. Whenever his parents called to ask for him they always used his old name and though I called him by his new chosen name (which is what he introduced himself with when I met him) I was used to hearing people who’d known him before calling him by his old name.
I realize we’re not talking last names here, but the slap in the face part applies.
All my life I was teased about my last name, but my father took great pride in it. During my marriage and for a few years following my divorce I had my ex-husband’s last name, and I remember once saying to my father, “[This married] name is just so much better than [my maiden name].” I’ll never forget the hurt look on his face, something I never intended to cause.
Following my father’s unexpected death I took back his name and now wear it proudly, in his honor.