The spouse asked me today if I could track down the rules to “Three-Cornered Pitney,” which is a made-up game published in Mad Magazine #241 from 1983. I managed to find some artwork (with no text) and a couple of snippets of rules using Google, but nothing complete. I know this is a long shot (though maybe not that much of one around here!), but does anyone happen to have that issue and could let me know what the rules are?
Thanks in advance!
The complete catalog of Mad Magazine was released on CD-ROM [del]a few years ago[/del] ca. 1998. Surely someone here snagged it. If not, and you’re desperate, Amazon has it used for $25.00.
You could also try to get it through interlibrary loan at your local library.
Actually it was updated to DVD-ROM just a few years ago, covering the first 50 years of the magazine. I have this version and can check on it after I get home if no one comes up with the info in the meantime.
I have some I d/l from a newsgroup some time ago; I’ll see what I have when I get home from work. Maybe later on this evening.
I’ve got the CD version - I’m looking for it now.
OK, I have all 5 pages as MDI files - PM me and I’ll email them to you.
Woot, thanks! PM sent! 
A few sample rules for the curious:
Once your board is properly cut, mark off each of the
three sides identically, except that one side should be
left blank while the second should be divided into 23
green squares of equal size and the third should be cov-
ered with asphalt. (Asphalt is readily available in most
areas. Look in the Yellow Pages under “Street Pavers”.)
Three Cornered Pitney officially begins when the first
player rolls the three dice, and subtracts the number on
one of them from the combined total shown on the other
two. (Example: On a roll of 6-4-1, the 4 may be subtract-
ed from the 6 + 1, or the 1 may be subtracted from the
6 + 4. The 6 may even be subtracted from the 4+1, but
that leaves less than 0 and ends the game immediately.)
Each of the other players shall remove one kernel from
the can of unpopped popcorn, and use it as a marker to
move up five spaces. This leaves everyone tied at the
end of the opening vimmert, which makes for a good, close
game and also prevents sore losers from getting violent.
The player in fifth place after the second vimmert must
use his conch hacker (described above) to strike the fox
terrier skulls (described in the same place) until he has
banged out a recognizable version of “Melancholy Baby.”
(During December, “Good King Wenceslas” may be substi-
tuted for “Melancholy Baby,” but only with the written
approval of two-thirds of the others playing the game.)
Reminds me a little bit of another Mad game: 43-man Squamish.
Played it on the playground in 7th grade. “Mi Tio es infermo, pero la carretera es verde!” Strong words spoken in the heat of battle, but less useful than what my teacher taught us, “¿Donde esta el baño?”
Isn’t there one about a loser having to microwave frozen waffles to fool Canadians into buying them as hockey pucks?
“I now roll my whirtling toward the kitchen.”
Holy Moses, I actually have this issue. Did anyone else have the Mad Magazine board game? It was sort of like Monopoly, but you want to lose all your money.
My sister and I had that game!