Anybody want to help me be a writer?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’ve always written for myself, for fun. I wrote my first story when I was seven years old. It was called “Baron of the Skies” and it was a historical novel about the Red Baron and the deadly missions he would fly from his submarine/aircraft carrier.

My second story was called “John,” written when I was seven also. It was about this guy, and his name was (you guessed it,) John. John invented a cure for a deadly tropical disease that he derived from the shrunken heads of a cannibal tribe.

Then he got the disease and before he was ready he had to try it out on himsefl. It cured his disease but it dissolved his skull and shrunk his head and he died saving humanity.

This story was inspired by art class where we carved apples into faces and let them dry out so they looked like shrunken heads.

I’ve been writing ever since.

When I was in College I toyed with the idea of becoming a writer but decided that I actually needed to feed myself, so I went into a career that would make me money.

I still write all the time though.

For the most part I post my crap here, and from the support that I’ve recieved from my writing I feel inspired to try and see if I can’t do this thing.

I couple of problems though. First I don’t have the slightest idea how to go about writing something for publication and getting it published. Second is the way I write. I really have no idea what I’m doing. My writing goes like this: Something stews in the back of my head without really any shape or form and then I sit down for a while and type. When I’m done I hit “submit,” of if I feel like it I proofread.

The stuff that seems to work the best and that people seem to like is the stuff that is most spontaneous. As soon as I know what’s going to happen or what I’m going to write, it’s no longer worth writing anymore.

I’ve started two novels and gotten pretty far with them, and then just stopped. I knew the rest of it, and once I knew the rest actually writing it was work. When it’s work the writing isn’t very good. When it’s fun it is.

This also happened on the board with a thread “Ewes Sluts” which I was having fun with in serial fashion for a while. I got about half way through, knew how the rest of it turned out, and it wasn’t fun anymore. Worse, when I was writing new parts they weren’t particularly good, because I was merely reporting on something that already happened. The good stuff seems to be happening in my mind as I’m writing it.

So, the problem is how do I discipline my writing without inflicting tedium and hence mediocrity on to it?

Should I try to do another novel, or just try to put a bunch of short essays together?

How do I go about finding somebody to give me money and publish something?

2

Dash out and buy 2003 Writers Market. It answers every question you posed. And it’s deductible.

3

I have no idea what the answers to any of your questions are, but I’d like to throw my support behind everyone elses, and ask to be put on the list of people who are notified the instant you have anything published. Hell, just take your posts from here alone, polish them up, and send them to publishers.

Also, where can I buy licensed Scylla Merchandise (preferably autographed) so I can say that I knew him when?

Ewes Sluts was good, also “The Horror of Blimps” and that recent Chainsaw one, “Death is a Cummins Turbo Deisel”. . . and the . . . oooh, how could I forget the. . . Hey wait, they were all great!

Best of luck.

4

Blink Blink

People will give people money to write?

5

I wasn’t aware people even read anymore.

My favorite way to get writing published is to strike fear into the heart of the publisher. Make him realize, that should he turn you down, his family will perish in a horribly gruesome manner. If he refuses still, destroy him, and find another publisher (this is more effective if you’ve previously sold your soul to the Devil in exchange for evil powers). Show the new publisher pictures of the fate that befell the last publisher. Next thing you know, “New York Times Best Seller” and “Pulitzer Prize Winner” are stamped on your shiny new book cover, which is sitting in the checkout lane of every grocery store, WalMart, and Target in the country. At least this works for me. But I’m sure there are more peaceful ways as well. They just take longer.

6

Go and find a critiquing group near you. The one I go to is at the local Barnes and Noble, and is run by the event director. It has been so successful that she started another one. Or, you can start one of your own.

The good thing about critique groups is that it makes you write, and if it has the right people you get a lot of different opinions on your work. Also, critiquing other people’s work helps your own, because it makes you analyze a story more closely.

In my experience, the biggest problems are people who want comments on their work but don’t want to bother reading others’, and people who have only one or two stories in them, then run out of material. Doesn’t sound like a problem you have. Almost everyone in my group is working on novels, which helps.

I can give you details of how we work if you are interested, and there is at least one book out on it. Don’t know the title - I skimmed it in A Clean Well Lighted Place for Books in San Francisco, decided we were doing okay, and didn’t buy it.

7

What Mastema said!

The only question you asked that I can even begin to pretend like my humble input might be helpful is when you asked whether you should try to start another novel or put some short essays together? I think you should start with the essays. We know that you’re scary-good at writing essays and that might be an easier place to start, than writing a novel. (Although I’m sure that there are several awesome novels in that head of yours. But that can come later, once you’re rich and famous and have worked on your self-discline and have all day, unfettered by another job, to work on said novels.)

Good luck Scylla! I can’t wait unti I can say, “I knew him when…”

8

Scylla, don’t do it! Your writing has caused too much horror and tragedy already!

Specifically, I refer to the day I went to the dentist right after reading “The Horror of Blimps” and, just as Dr. Whatshisname was doing something delicate and dangerous inside my mouth with a DRILL, I recalled the moment in the aforementioned story when our narrator wakes up and reaches back into the lizard brain to react. In my mouth at the time were a dentist’s suction thing, some cotton gauze, approximately four human hands, a RUNNING DRILL, and several other implements that I couldn’t see for obvious reasons but that were making intimidating noises.

I would like to state for the record that this was probably the world’s MOST inopportune moment for bursting into laughter, which is exactly what I did when the story floated into my fear-addled brain. Yep, right there on the dentist’s chair, I started laughing like a jackass.

Fortunately, my dentist has pretty good reflexes, and got the dangerous stuff out of my mouth pretty quickly, so no harm was done. Still, I shudder to think of the possibilities. Scylla, tragedy has been narrowly averted once; don’t make us face the possibility again. For Pete’s sake, think of the children, man!

9

Check out www.hollylisle.com/fm/index.html - it’s a great site for writers and should answer all your questions - for free. As well as technical tips and info about “the business” of writing, it has loads of motivational stuff to keep you going through the boring/rough patches. Also feel free to email me with any questions you might have.

10

Sure. I always get paid for my fiction.

Here’s a good page on writing basics: http://www.sfwa.org/writing/

As far as writing methods are concerned, some writers plot out and outline everything; others write off the top of their heads (I lean toward the latter). Do whatever works for you.

11

I’m torn. While jackelope makes a good point, I feel that any career which takes you away from banking is probably best for society at large.

Ok, seriously, if you do go pro, will you still throw us a bone here occasionally? I do think your style lends itself more to a newspaper column format (similar to a Dave Berry or Lewis Grizzard) than a longer format, from what I’ve seen. So you might try that while you secretly craft the perfect novel in the background.

12

Only reading a few of your post Scylla, you remind me a little bit of Dave Barry. Why write a whole book when you get write funny short stories?

13

GET means CAN on my planet.

14

You could begin by collecting the short pieces you’ve already done and trying something with them, a la David Sedaris.

15

Not ignoring you, Scylla, it’s just that I’m a nonfiction writer, and those are two entirely different worlds. I wouldn’t have the first idea on writing or marketing fiction . . .

Hey, Cooler! Nice to see you in other threads! How’s that taking over the world thing coming?

16

Well, it sounds to me like you’re ALREADY a writer, you just need to get paid for it.

www.critters.org - A Critique Group
www.theharrow.com - Online Horror E-Zine

What type of fiction do you write?

17

I don’t know a thing about writing, but I’ve heard good reviews of the book that Stephen King wrote on the subject. No title, sorry (though it might just be On Writing), but it was rather popular and shouldn’t be hard to locate.

18

I second buying “Writers Market 2003”. I actually bought the online version, which has very nice tools if you have manuscripts anywhere near the submission-ready state. Not to mention articles and instant market updates. You can buy the online subscription for a month, and check it out, before signing on for longer.

So, what you are saying is that you have loads of gift, but the craft escapes you. Gift will get you started, but as you’ve noticed, the craft part is actually, well, work.

I’ve got 10 children’s picture books in development (and two novels, and some nonfiction). The inspired manuscripts take less rewriting, less tweaking, etc. But every one of them was improved with help from a critique group. And some got absolutely essential help therefrom. You can find critique groups online, fairly easily.

You are already a writer. What you want to be is an author (that is, recognized published works). And you’d like to be a paid author, at that. Cool. Me, too.

It takes effort, dedication, and yeah, work. If you want it, you’ll work at it to improve your gift with skills, add craft to talent, and off you go. Not that you will necessarily become published - there are others with gifts out there, too. Don’t get discouraged, because professionalism and a dose of craft will get you farther than 90% of the population of writers submitting to publishers. You don’t even have to have superior craft to get published (if that was necessary, we’d never have met Harry Potter! The first book has major writing no-nos in it, which are completely gone by the time you get to the third book… she learned on the way, but had enough craft to get in the door.) You definitely have to have enough skill to look like you mean business, and will take your development as an author seriously.

As my mom said when I grumbled about the fourth or fifth rewrite of a manuscript, “If it was easy, everyone would be published.” It isn’t easy. But it is way more satisfying than not writing.

(I’m only published as a contributor to other authors’ books, so far.)

19

Well I still think you should write a children’s book and submit it to me. I’d love to publish something by you; genuinely funny writers are a rare find. I’m sure you’ve seen from your daughter’s books that there are some pretty offbeat, sophisticated picture books out there–they’re not all cozy little stories about cute bunnies–and children’s books are short enough that maybe you could avoid the getting-bored-with-it problem.

20

I’m just wondering, Alto, why is it that people–and apparently that includes those in the publishing business–tend to a equate “children’s book” with “picture book” and nothing more? Do you make that equation above simply because you exclusively handle picture books? I ask this not just because of your post, but also because whenever I see reviews of children’s books in my Sunday paper, they never seem to include anything but picture books; it’s like “‘middle readers’ need not apply.” It’s like any kid lit longer than 38 pages doesn’t get published anymore (with a few notable exceptions–you know who they are). Last I checked at my local library, the children’s section included a whole wall of shelves filled with juvenile fiction a step up from the picture book level. Don’t those books get published anymore?

I’m curious about this because–as should be obvious–I’ve written a couple of manuscripts of children’s books myself (middle reader level) and I’m distressed that there is so much emphasis on picture books and so little on “chapter” books in today’s publishing. At least that’s my perception.

Of course, if you really are trolling for manuscripts…my e-mail is always open; I’d be happy to take your mailing address…

As to the opening post: Scylla, I must admit that I haven’t caught your previous work here on the Board, so I’m a little vague on your style. I like what the others have said above–except for buying the Writer’s Market; I suggest saving the money and going to your local library–but I would caution you against relying too much on spontaneity for finished product. It’s good to have that “top of the head” quality for initial drafts; getting on a roll and rushing through can keep you interested and in working mode. But you really do have to edit and revise, over multiple readings, to get your work in presentable form. I know from my own experience: sometimes when you’re writing, the first words that go through the keyboard seem like fantastic stuff, and if you read it immediately thereafter you’ll probably love it…but then you go back to it some time later, after days or weeks have passed, and you read it, and you find your text to be embarrassingly bad. It happens to all writers; of that I’m sure. You’ve got to re-read and revise, and then do it some more. As was noted above, it’s hard work, but it has to be done.

I don’t have an opinion on essays vs. fiction–as I said above, I haven’t caught your work, so I don’t have your style readily in mind–but I would note that essays and fiction (short story or novel) are very different breeds of writing, and that each has its own stylistic demands. I guess I’d say, try to match up what you write–particularly the stuff you really like–with what you usually read, and see where the comparisons come closest. Where there is more of a stylistic match, and a more “natural” feel for you, that’s probably your “home genre.”

Good luck on trying to get your stuff published. I’m always heartened to see stories about folks who’ve broken in to the field and made an impact. It’s so rare, given the number who try it, that it’s something to celebrate when it happens. Good luck again, and keep writing.