Okay, to be scrupulously fair, if you go into preferences (and change to Sam’s Simple theme, that helps immensely) then set your preferred landing page to “latest” that’s about a close as you’re likely to get to having the “new posts” button. The Sam’s theme does tell you who the OP is (this matters a LOT to me) and also tells you who the last poster in the thread is (also something I use on the regular) so that helps as well. I haven’t found a fix for the goddamned endless white space though, this site is a fucking mess on a computer and I imagine it’s even more fun on a phone.
Leaving is unlikely for me. Re-upping my charter memberships is very unlikely.
I just noticed at the bottom of the page Zoid’s icon and a little message next to it that indicated he was typing a message. I waited and his message appeared.
It’s a zingy new world.
Cheers! 
Recency
Bottoms up! I feel a little better now.
I clicked around, found my profile, then prefs… found the different themes, AND set the font to “Larger”, which helped immensely.
I’ve heard this before. In contrast, I set the font on smaller.
And I don’t know whether I should pick Sam’s Simple or Discourse Classic.
(Gravity Falls puma shirt panther shirt quandary…)
And if you want to use your original DINSDALE account—
Log out of the new account and select Log In at the top of the page.
Select “forgot my password” and enter the old account name or the email. I used the e-mail because I wasn’t sure how Discourse had parsed the space in my user name.
Then you will get an e-mail and you can choose a new password. Once you set this password it will log you into your old account.
I don’t know if TPTB posted these instructions, I didn’t check. I just did what I described above and it worked for me.
Of course, I did update my email address on the old board as Jenny requested - if I hadn’t I would have had to make a new account, I think.
I hope this helps.
Found it - thanks man. I clicked on my icon, and then clicked on a green “1”, but nothing said it was a PM.
I’m impressed at how many folk post comments like “after messing with if for a few HOURS!”, or “I like exploring.” That’s fine. Apparently MOST people are happy w/ that sort of activity. Not me.
And kayaker looks like i picked a bad time to give up beer (and pot!) 
I post on another forum that uses the same format. I don’t care for it there either, but I put up with it, and I guess I’ll put up with it here too.
And Ann - didn’t seem to work for me. Didn’t get an email, thought I had changed my email over the weekend.
Someone referred to greater functionality. That’s a recurrent problem for this Luddite. I had ZERO problem w/ the previous functionality. It disappoints me to have a change that “increases/improves” functionality - while, in the process, encumbering my level of participation.
Shuffling further into irrelevance…
Obviously there is a learning curve but I think it will be OK. My biggest grip right now is the wasted space on the sides of a widescreen monitor.
Try getting in touch with TubaDiva. I think she can help you regain your identity.
First, look in your junk mail folder. That’s where my notification was.
StG
When I click on the hamburger menu, two choices I see are “new” and “unread”. I think “new” is pretty similar to the old “show new posts”. And “unread” seems to show the thread that I’ve previously commented in that now have new posts. So, not very unlike the old “User CP” list.
I don’t love this software, but I think we can work with it.
Heh, yeah, local IPA and my vape pen and suddenly everything makes sense. 
Ok, that’s really cool.
Be sure to look in your SPAM box, that’s where I found the email.
I got a really cool one if I can figure it all out again.
Once I figure out how to log in without receiving a clickable e-mail link, I’ll find my way and get used to the new digs. Also my avatar, need to change that back. Hang in there, Dinsdale!