I’ve mentioned a few times on here that I have bi-polar disorder, but I take a stabiliser (and I actually DO take it) which keeps me level. To date I’ve had two manic episodes and I’m keen to not have another one again, so I have no desire to ever go off the meds (both incidents were when I wasn’t taking my meds, so…).
Whilst my meds don’t have any side effects per se, an unintended effect of being on them (for me) is that they stopped me feeling any real extreme of emotion. Whilst that’s good with regards to not going manic, it also means that generally I find it very hard to get excited or worked up about things, but then neither do I really ever get down or unhappy. Generally I just trundle along in a general state of contentment, never really going too far up or too far down. Yes it makes life easier, but there are times when I miss my ability to get really excited about something, or feel inspired, or to feel that rush of happiness when you’re in a big moment.
I’m bipolar and stopped using meds for the exact reason that they take the good away with the bad. Once I quit I felt like I had woken from semi-hibernation, like my horizons expanded overnight. I’ve never experienced life-wrecking manic episodes and were it not for the crashes afterwards, the exciting highs with ideas flowing through my mind while feeling giddy would be pure joy. I feel the meds dull my artistic and creative streak. I can’t afford to take them. I prefer alternating A+'s and C-'s to steady B’s.
Perhaps it’s worth talking to your doctor about adjusting your dosage downwards a little? Now that you’ve found a drug that works, it be possible to fine tune the amount you need.
(I’m not bi-polar, I have other issues and I take a couple anti-depressants. I’ve done the dosage dance myself.)
Not my personal situation, but someone I know well. You need to get a good psychopharmacologist who knows how to balance off the meds and their dosages. It’s not easy and it’s not quick but it’s worth it in the long run. You don’t have to settle for “alternating A+'s and C-'s” or "steady B’s. " IMHO from what I’ve seen and read, a lot of bipolar is not usually A through C. It can be zero to 100. The extremes are not pretty.
A good psychotherapist who has experience with BPD can help, too.
There are definitely times I think it is taking away some of the good. The thing is, I’ll take ‘able to work, live on my own, have friends with some of the feeling taken away’ over ‘hermit in my parent’s basement’.
I like MLS’ take. Yeah, I’m only at 20% say, once every few years, but that 20% is devastating to me, so I’ll take 75% most of the time.
I’m not diagnosed as bipolar, I’m diagnosed as social anxiety and mood disorder (so I don’t crash much, but when I do it’s extreme), but there’s a lot of overlap.
Lithium here. Upping to 1200 mg as soon as my blood levels come back okay; I haven’t had much effect on 900. Zero side effects so far, maybe some weight gain but it’s hard not to chalk it up something else. I am probably BP-II or cyclothymic, so I don’t feel muted and I want it to work. I was previously on lamotrigine (Lamictal), although that didn’t work, along with tons of antidepressants.