We live in an apartment with six units, two on each floor. We are on the “garden” level (read: basement), on the west side. Mr. Jeannie and I have nicknames that we use to describe our neighbors, since we don’t actually know any of them by name (we tried making nice when we first moved in, but no one seems to want to be buddies around here). These are our neighbors:
Garden East: Black guy and the Bitch. Black guy is the only black person in the building (and in the immediate neighborhood, so far as I can tell), hence his nickname. He is by far and away the friendliest person in the place, which means that he says “Hello, how are you?” when you see him. This is far more than anyone else usually does. He lives with his girlfriend, the Bitch. She screams and yells at him constantly (and we don’t even have thin walls and we can hear her). I don’t think she ever calls her boyfriend by name. Her term of endearment for him is apparently “Motherf*cker.”
1st Floor West: The Stupid Family. Consists of Mom, Dad, Son, and Baby. Son plays the trumpet, which isn’t annoying since he’s actually pretty good at it. But Dad is constantly trying to fix or build things, and it sounds like a construction crew. They once accidentally flushed a ham bone down their toilet, it got clogged, the toilet leaked, they tried to fix it themselves, and water leaked into our bathroom through our ceiling. We called the building manager, who was not amused. Mom once broke the washing machine. She put a comforter in there along with a full load of laundry. She also uses the drier a lot, but hardly ever the washing machine. Hmmm…
Baby cries a lot, which we understand, but Baby’s room is right above ours and it’ll cry for 30 minutes before we hear anyone go in there to check on it.
1st Floor East: The Tattoo Brothers. Self explanatory. Two brothers, both covered head-to-toe in tattoos. Very nice people. Hardly ever see them around, but always smile and wave at us when we do see them. Brother #1 hangs out in the laundry room with his girlfriend, since she smokes, and Brother #2 doesn’t like people smoking in their place.
2nd Floor West: The Alleged Drug Dealers. Young kid (late teens, early twenties is my guess), his girlfriend, her sister (not sure if she lives there, but is there a lot), two little kids. Hardly ever see the guy, and he won’t even look at us when we see him (details here). Girlfriend is nice. Reason for the nickname: When the Tattoo Brothers moved in, one of them commented to Mr. Jeannie that the people in 2W had offered to hook them up with some pot.
2nd Floor East: The Loud Lady and her Dorky Son. This woman is the loudest person. Sometimes she comes down to the laundry room (right down the hall from us) to use her cell phone for private calls. We can hear every freaking word. Mr. Jeannie and I did an experiment to see how loud her normal speaking voice really was. I stood just outside our door, and he stood just inside the apartment. I said his name with increasing loudness until he indicated that he could hear me. I was practically screaming by the time he heard me (and I am NOT a soft-spoken person). Sometimes we can hear her if she’s on her floor in the hallway. Sheesh! Her son is this adorable little dorky kid with glasses. He once asked me if he could borrow a quarter for the washing machine. He asked as if he was afraid I’d scream at him. Then he kept swearing up and down that he’s pay me back later, until I finally was able to interrupt long enough to tell him not to worry about it. He once accidentally bumped into me in the hallway. He started sputtering, “Oh, man…I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, oh God, I’m so sorry.” I said, “Hey no big deal. See you later.” I imagine with a mom like that, everything she says sounds like she’s yelling, so “Time for dinner” may even sound like she’s angry.
So, who are the people in your neighborhood?