Apparently, I have the look

[dropzone]

A lawyer friend down the hall asked if I was bleeding. I’m working on my lymphedema sores and the correct answer was, “No more than usual,” but I denied it.

[dropzone]

@Sefton

Sounds like the beginning of an espionage-comedy involving mistaken identity and wacky hijinks.

Did you notice any microfilm associated with the Diet Coke?

Um, that would require one to order a Diet Coke, which immediately labels one a Hostile Alien.

[dropzone]

@jsgoddess

I went to a hot dog stand on the corner. The proprietor was busy, so I started digging in one of the ice chests for a Diet Coke. I didn’t see one right away, and the guy was no longer talking to someone else so I asked if he knew whether he had any.

“One moment!” he said, in a thick Russian accent.

I continued rummaging. He ducked out of the stand and came around just as I found a bottle.

Me: Oh, sorry, I found one.
Him: You don’t want that one. No.
Me: I… don’t?
Him: No. You want THE BIG ONE.

(He rummages through a different ice chest and pulls out a 1 liter bottle.)

Me: Ooh.
Him: Yes.
Me: Do I look that desperate for caffeine?
Him: Some people, they come up and you can look at them and tell, “This is VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS.”
Me: How much for THE BIG ONE?
Him: For you? Same charge.

Thus I found out that I have the look of someone VERY SERIOUS about caffeine and that I should never play poker against this guy. He read me like a very short book.

Oh. I get it. It took me 40-some years to learn this, but…

…jsgodess, you remain tye most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. May I go now?

[wonky]

@Maastricht

I’m so stealing that. “He read me like a very short book.”

A Google search yielded that you invented that very sentence. The expression sounded so good, so like it should have been used many times before. And yet, Google says that very sentence has only been used in your OP.

And now in this post. Ha! Second !!

At this rate, I’ll be famous in approximately 1 MEELION years!

@Sefton

Sounds like the beginning of an espionage-comedy involving mistaken identity and wacky hijinks.

Did you notice any microfilm associated with the Diet Coke?

I didn’t think of it, but you’re right. He could have turned me into a microfilm mule and I’ll be chased by bad guys through the streets of DC. I’ll be sure to lead them to the White House.

[digs]

@Maastricht

I’m so stealing that. “He read me like a very short book.”

jsgoddess, you should use that phrase in your first novel. Your first very short novel.

Available in paperback only.

[Count_Blucher]

@DrDeth

somkes?

Somkes…? Somkes…!? Oh-oh-OHHHH! I should have shot him in Sabrett when I had the chance…!