Apparently, I'm a jerk... (long)

The BBQ Pit
1

Or at least, that’s what the Doctor says…

My Mom has a serious case of MS. She no longer works, and is using a walker to get around. She lives alone, and needs a person to drive her to appointments.

My mother needs to see a new specialist. She’s gotten the referral from her current neurologist, so we’ve jumped through all the necessary hoops. We made the phone call in January, and were told that the first available appointment was 6 MONTHS later. :confused: :eek:

We took the appointment, because we didn’t think the wait would be problematic.

Since then, she’s begun failing badly. Recently, she started falling, daily. Bruises, minor abrasions, nothing serious yet, but she’s basically not moving out of bed for fear of winding up on her back.

We tried to move up the appointment. The specialist’s secretary told her that she “didn’t need” (secretary’s words, not mine) to change her appointment; that the falling wasn’t a big deal. And she would not put Mom on the priority list.

I called about the delay. I was polite (no swear words, no insulting the person), but very firm about needing an earlier appointment. I was told that “you don’t know what’s needed”, and that the Dr. would determine what’s best.

I got really pissed. This physician has never met my Mom, and he’s going to be better at assessing the situation? He’s never spoken to the referring physician, so he has no idea what her current symptoms are, nor what changes have occurred since the referring physician saw Mom last February. WTF?

I finally got a Case Manager (Gayle) in his office. She has been the only useful person we’ve talked to during this debacle. Gayle managed to get Mom on the priority list

Gayle also managed to get the Dr. to talk to the referring physician, where he proceeded to bitch about the abusive jerk(me :rolleyes: ) who is fouling up his schedule. (I was not abusive. I can be, if he’d like to see abusive. ) :wink:

The referring doctor called Mom and passed on the comment. But she was unable to get the appointment moved, either.

So, on July 16th Mom and I go to the Doctor’s. May Og help the Doctor if he plays games there.

Whatever happened to customer service, and patient responsibility? Or just plain up calling and talking to your patients? I can get my veterinarian to call me, why not a doctor?

And why the fuck is his schedule so busy that he cannot find room for a patient for 6 months?

Finally, what do I if/when Mom falls and does hurt herself? Again, may Og help him if she needs to go to the ER between now and July 16th.

2

You’re not looking at going to another doc? She with an HMO?

If so, does she have to be? Is she old enough for Medicare? Because I don’t think they have preferred provider lists.

Remember, just because someone calls you a jerk doesn’t mean 1) you are 2) they’re not a bigger one.

3

From what I can determine, this Dr. is “da bomb” Dr. in the MS arena, and has an ego to match. He’s one of those people that when other Dr’s say his name, they say it with awe/reverence/fear in their voices; kind of like Darth Vader’s name was said in Star Wars.

Didn’t think about that before, but that’s strange by itself…

The HMO isn’t making the recommendation, the treating neurologist is referring to another neurologist. The HMO is sensibly not getting involved. (yet, give them time. They’ll come up with another way to foul this all up.)

Trust me. I work for an HMO, and we can find all sorts of ways to screw this up even more.

And I’m not so upset about the jerk comment; I’d happily take it, if they would just move up the damn appointment.

4

Shit, what are you complaining about? Only the Dr. thinks you’re a jerk. Damn near every one I’ve run across my whole life thinks I’m an asshole!

I had no shoes, and complained. Then I met a man who had no feet.

5

So sorry to hear about your Mom. :frowning:

If it were me, I’d be worried that an MD who is that arrogant might not pay adequate attention to you mother’s symptoms even when she is in the room with him.

Would it be possible to send someone else to drive Mom to see Herr Doktor on the appointed day so that your apparently “offensive” presence won’t distract the jerk into a bravura display of high-handedness just to show you who’s boss? I hate to have to think that way, but in this case it might be warranted.

By the way, kudos to the referring physician. At least he/she seems to have some sense and sensitivity.

6

I have to admit that I am very suspicious about a doctor who’s supposedly so good with a disease, but neglects to remember that the disease inhabits the body of PEOPLE. People with family members who love them and are legitimately concerned about them.

So my rule is: No matter how good the expert, if the doctor can’t treat his patients with at least courtesy, we go somewhere else. My dad had Parkinson’s, and my parents went through several doctors before finding a neurologist who was actually there for them. Who would fit in an emergency appointment, who would return phone calls – personally! – and who was actually KIND.

I’d be highly concerned about the treatment your mom is going to get from this doctor. And I’d definitely insist on going to personally witness his treatment of her. If he’s nasty to you and about you without ever having even met you, what’s to say he’s not going to do the same to your mom? And do you really want her in the care of someone who treats her badly, no matter how much he allegedly knows?

7

My father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and I dealt with a lot of neurologists during the course of 6 years.
While I am loath to lump them all into the uncaring and egotistical bastard brigade, I can testify that I only found one, count 'em one, that actually appeared to give a rat’s ass about the human being trapped inside the disease.

My all time favorite was the first doctor that he went to after we moved him to Austin.
He way over-medicated my father and dad began to suffer from terrible hallucinations.
As a result, he was asked to leave the retirement community that he had been living in (couldn’t stay in his apartment as he was dangerous to both himself and the other residents).
I took him home with me but it took almost two weeks to get an appointment and I had to become a flaming asshole to get that.
Receptionist (spoken in a shrill nasal whine): “But the Doctor is very busy…”
Me: “Yes, and my father thinks he’s back in Vietnam and he’s looking for a weapon to protect himself with. We need help now.”
Receptionist (spoken in a shrill nasal whine): “But the Doctor is very busy…”
When we finally did get in to see the man, the very second thing he said to my father was “Mr. B. your daughter is quite attractive.”
That’s when I came close to bitch smacking him.
He basically washed his hands of us during that appointment and referred to another specialist.
Of course, it took almost a week to get in to see him.
Meanwhile, I’ve missed nearly three weeks of work with no pay.
I will give that doctor his due however, he was very professional and cut two of the three meds dad was taking right away.
Bingo, the hallucinations stopped, dad stabilzed and I was able to look for another personal care home.

It’s a very good thing that your mother has you to serve as her advocate Eliphalet.
My father was of the generation that believed doctor’s were demi-gods and it was hard for him to question the neurologists that we saw.

8

Doctors are not gods. People need to know that listening and understanding the patient are as important as all the education.

Get another doctor.

9

Now that I’m not quite as cranky as yesterday, I’ve begun formulating a plan…

I need to go to the appointment for three reasons:

  1. Mom doesn’t always pass on the whole story. If we really want to hear what the Dr. says, either my sister or I need to be there.

2.If you think I’m pissed, you should see my sister. :eek: :eek: :eek:

  1. I’ve got a Healthcare Power of Attorney. This means that I’m responsible for “approving” any care that my Mom has done.

So, I’m going to the appointment. I’m going to be sweetness & light, the kindest little so&so you’ve ever met. Unless the gent decides to be an uncaring and egotistical bastard…

gatopescado:
I am a jerk. I know that, but I try to hide it so that only my closest friends realize. The fact that I’m an asshole I save only for the VERY special. :wink:

10

Part of any medical treatment is the psychological setting. A patient (and relatives) who feel comfortable, well-served, well-informed, and are treated with respect will have a better mental attitude. And that helps improve treatment.

Hence, a doctor who has treated you this way has already mis-diagnosed and mis-treated the situation.

Find another doctor.

No matter what this egomaniac doctor may think, he’s not the top specialist in the world, in the country, in the city, or even in that neighborhood. He’s just proved that, by his attitude towards patients.

You and your mom will do better by finding a doctor who is a human being, who cares, and who can spend the time with you.