:smack: How could I forget? I have some MAJOR father issues… Idlewild–that made me laugh until tears came.
IMO, Tom Bombadil would get berry, I mean very, annoying very quickly. I do have a thing for Beorn, though. NOT into furries in the slightest (I just became nauseated from the thought), but I like his lil’ fiefdom and his relationship with the animals and his mystery. Ok, so maybe I have more than just Daddy issues…
If I HAD to pick a hobbit, it’d be either Merry or Frodo. Pippin is too boisterous and Sam is too thick and plodding (and he has a cookware fetish)
who (or what) is Faramir’s alter ego?
And no hot monkey love for Gollum, eh? Dopers, you surprise me.
The girl I went to see Two Towers with pointed out that the movie version seemed not to have any sort of genitalia. I can easily see that as a side-effect fo the Ring.
He’s got a loincloth on! It hides something that is… precious to him.
If neutering is a side effect of the Ring, that explains a great deal about Frodo and Bilbo.
I’d still like to shag an elf–just to say I had. Another dream gone unrealized. Another hope shattered. O woe unto me!
Goodgulf (as Minas Troney is besieged): “Bring me my white robes!”
Moxie or Pepsi (does it matter which?): “White robes for white magic?”
Goodgulf: “No, white robes for white flag!”
What in hell IS that guy’s name–the one with the animals and he only eats honey and he changes into a bear etc–is it Beorn or Beren? I am not going to go looking for my books, thankyouverymuch. He features more in The Hobbit (does he even come into LOTR? I can’t remember).
Anyway, Legolas probably WAS a slut–those elves knew how to party (one thing that jarred me in the film–that stupid drinking contest between Gimli and Legolas).
Beorn. IIRC, there’s some mention of his clan / descendents / whatever in LotR (fighting the good fight against Sauron’s northern forces, I believe), but no direct appearances.
Elf parties would involve drinking and eating and singing – oh, God, the singing – but not casual sex. There is no such thing as casual elf sex.
Once elves have sex, they’re married for life. Oh, sure, they’ll usually have a nice ceremony to please the parents, but that’s just a wedding. The act of physical union is the marriage. And they don’t divorce or sleep around after marriage, either. The good news is that they do enjoy having sex with each other. Their interest fades in time, but with elves that can be a long time.
So no one-night stands or brief flings with Legolas. You break him, you bought him.
ETA: Yes, Tolkien did actually write this stuff down somewhere. Ah, here’s a summary with citations.
Beorn is the bear shapeshifter in the Hobbit. Beren one-hand is Luthien Tinuviel’s mortal squeeze–can’t tell the players without a Silmarillion scorecard.
That’s why I didn’t know him–I’ve never made it past about page 17 of Simarillon.
The elves suddenly sound a LOT less fun. How very Victorian of them all.
The key to the Silmarillion is to (a) skip the first two sections on first reading, using them only as reference, and (b) to be an enormous geek in the first place. You’re just too well-balanced
It’s really important to know about Beren and Lúthien Tinúviel, because their story sort of foreshadows the whole bit with Aragorn and Arwen, who was incidentally Lúthien’s descendant in some round-about manner, and that’s integral to…
…nah, I’m going to agree with the ‘enormous geek’ conclusion. But I loved parts of the Silmarillion. It just doesn’t read as modern prose, it reads as religious text.
Hey, OP, are we allowed to pick multiple options?