I always wondered about this…it seems to me, that if you are fixated upon yourself, then you don’t care much about how you appear to other people. So you would not be worried about your clothing , or grooming…etc. Would this lack of interest (in others) make you less likely to worry? if so, shouldn’t you be happier?
I don’t believe I was happier when I was more self absorbed. I just tended to worry more about things that affected me. Also, unless you’re a real sociopath what other people think is going to bother you.
But worrying about what other people think of you, or how you appear to other people, is a form of self-absorption. It seems to me that the opposite of self-absorption is caring about other people or things (activities, causes, ideals, disciplines) for their own sake rather than for what they can do for you.
I don’t have time to tell you the answer right now, I have much more important things to do.
No. First off, I’m not sure that self-absorbed people aren’t worried about clothing and grooming. The people I’ve known who were really self-absorbed often put forward an immaculate image, nice clothes, well groomed, etc. Now, maybe they did that because they just thought they were that awesome and deserved to look and feel that way, or maybe they just wanted to impress people because they were presenting an image of self-confidence to cover a lack of it. But I also think there’s a difference between not really caring what other people think, because the opinions of other people are beneath you, and not really caring, because you have enough self-worth to value yourself and to care more about the opinions of people that matter to you and not so much about the people’s opinions that don’t.
That all said, while some can find some pleasure in being self-absorbed, I would have a hard time really seeing those sorts of people as happy. Again, from the experience I have of people like that, they SEEM like they have a good time, going out and partying, meeting lots of women, drinking, eating good food, etc. when I’ve gotten to know who they are, it’s often appeared to me more like a pursuit of happiness because of a void within. After all, it’s much my belief, even for those of us who are generally more introverted, that we NEED other people to be happy. Hell, I’m about as introverted as anyone I know, and I feel happiest when I connect with people, it’s just with one or maybe a few at a time and in a deep and meaningful way.
We’re social creatures, after all, and we need to relate to people to be healthy and be happy. As such, I could even see someone that’s self-absorbed thinking they’re happy, but I’m not sure they really are.
I think only idiots care too much about what people think in general. In certain situations it is important; but only insofar as it relates to adverse behavior towards oneself. For example, I want my boss to think I am meeting or exceeding the standards; otherwise my employment status would be negatively effected. As far as caring what people think in the sense about how they feel about what I do I grew out of that long ago and am much the better for it.
I think people who care about what people think about them in terms of wanting to keep up with the joneses and whatnot are weak and pathetic; and live a life enslaved by nefarious and empty values and mores.
Of course one should always care about not offending someone without good reason; but that’s a whole different matter.
Only if life is going your way. If I was fully self-absorbed, I’d be miserable, because there’s a lot of shit in my life. So I concentrate a lot on others.
I think BigT is right a lot of people have a habit or maybe its just human nature if things start going wrong in their life they start reaching out to others almost like a life raft, they suddenly need other people when their life loses direction.
There are a ton of things to worry about that have nothing to do with how others perceive you. You can be 100% self-absorbed, and 100% worried about your own health, to the point where you are constantly miserable. Or you can be worried about the quality of the food you’re eating, or whether you have enough money to purchase the things you want, or whether your house is clean enough (for you, not for someone else). In my experience, some of the most miserable people are also the most self-absorbed.