No no, my friends, the stroller is about to evolve. I don’t know what I’m going to call it yet, but this will surely kick ass soon as I can afford to build it…
Imagine a stroller…not just any stroller, I’m talking about a titanium frame, a downsized '57 Chevy front end (complete with flames), a finely tuned sport suspension, and custom made seat designed to securely support the weight of…a keg of beer.
Why make the lonely keg sit in a bucket of ice in the corner at your next party? Why not let it get some sun, take it for a jog, take it to the mall, the race, the game, let that keg have some fun in style!
The system will include a restraint system for the keg, a sun shade, and a liquid nitrogen cooling system. Weight sensors will let you know when you need to trade that bastard in for a full one, and a vomit bag will be attached in between the handles.
Since you know everyone likes to drink your beer, the stroller will also come equipped with a security system. The tap has a built in fingerprint scanner, if the hand that attempts to draw a pint is not your own, security system
will shoot flames approximately four feet in all directions
for 30 seconds. This feature cannot be deactivated.
I don’t know about you, but whenever I have a full keg of beer to myself, I tend to get a little…reckless, so to speak. That’s why I have decided to employ the use of airbags and seatbelts. In the unfortunate event of a drunken crash, the airbags will deploy and the tap will shut off for approximately 2 minutes to avoid foaminess.
Other features of the Keg Stroller include: Off road tires by Panaracer, for great traction on any surface, Ground effects for increased aerodynamics, Lockable keg tap, so your friends can cut you off if they fear for someones life (including your own)[sub]note: Anyone attempting to lock keg tap may be engulfed in flames by the anti-theft system[/sub], An incredibly realistic fake baby, to pick up chicks (“awwww, what a cute kid!”…“hey, you want a beer?”), A fold out cot, in case you get too drunk to walk home, or in case the fake baby works and you need a bed real quick, A lifetime supply of condoms (for me, thats about…umm…2 apparently;) , and, of course, a built in laptop with internet access, with water/vomit/beer/fire proof cover.
Any other ideas for additional features? Feel free to e-mail me, or just post to the boards 
[sub] This is truly mundane and pointless…I amaze myself with my drivel sometimes…[/sub]