Stone cold sober, I’d say no. I’m not entirely sure why. Part of it is that I’d be scared: what’s a woman seeing in a 40 year old guy who’s yet to manage so much as a kiss? Part of it is caution, both physical - I don’t carry a condom - and mental - I’m a naturally cautious person.
With a few drinks inside me, I couldn’t say.
I’m not quite there, I can imagine having sex after having spoken to somebody for a couple of hours or so, but I’d have to say that without even that it’s very unlikely for me.
Yes there are men who would refuse, based on their own personal moral/religious beliefs.
I was never comfortable with it, and I know why: there was some casual sex in high school, but mostly everyone who was sexually active had boyfriends and girlfriends. Except me: I was too weird. (These are the exact words used).
When I was in college and the navy and now, in the dating scene of middle-aged people, all places where casual sex is more common than committmed sex, I couldn’t and still can’t get into it because in puberty I was made to feel that I was unworthy of love, and that concern overwelmed my desire for sex in an of itself.
When drunken women come up to me in bars, instead of getting sloppy in the parking lot, I’m more likely to see that they get home safely, hold their hair while they vomit, help their kids with their homework, marry them, let them ruin my credit score, etc.
It’s not a “I’m more moral than you” attitude, I’m just emotionally retarded where sex is concerned. And I think there are a lot of guys like me, too.
My first thought
"They did this experience - a hot slutty chick walked up to ten guys in a Monastery and asked them to have sex and they all turned her down.
They they had Brad Pitt ask ten drunk sorority girls."
Sample selection issues - the women in bars are less likely to have casual sex than the men in bars.
Heterosexual male and nup, wouldn’t do it.
I don’t have any interest in sleeping with someone I don’t respect.
Never done it.
There was a girl once who invited me in for a “nightcap” after we had just met. I turned her down because it wasn’t my thing.
Our eight year wedding anniversary is next week, and I never stop reminding her of that night!
:eek: 
This renews my faith in the male-side of humanity. I have become somewhat cynical about guys because I was expecting 98% of guys to say something like, “Yes, and I’d grab her hand and run to the van or just do her in the bathroom since it’s closer, and all my buddies can listen and cheer outside the door. Hope my wife/girlfriend doesn’t find out. Hell, I don’t even care if she was attractive just as long as she has an orifice, and I don’t even care if she was a woman as long as she had tits.”
Thank you to all the respondents. I’m sure that the dopers who responded couldn’t be representative of most men, eh? Perhaps, sluttier guys are more vocal than non-slutty guys, or guys like to joke about their virility with their friends as a way of male bonding.
These answers have spawned a dozen more questions–I’ll try to contain myself and just ask a few in this thread. First, where do I find a guy who’s not a slut? Are there any obvious or subtle ways to identify them without wasting a month dating them? I know they don’t walk around with a halo and don’t have a secret handshake, but are there any distinguishing qualities that most non-slutty guys have in common? Perhaps, this is an impossible question, but I’d appreciate comments. I get the feeling that some guys are like this from a young age and some guys just leave their slutty years behind when they get older or some guys just go through a brief phase of sluttiness like the divorced guy who responded. Bonus question: What makes a man slutty or not? Age? Religious upbringing? Bad divorce? Peer group? Hormone levels? Being an introvert or extrovert?
I want to reword my questions because they are a bit too vague and pejorative. How do I find a guy who is not into casual sex? And the identifiers, if any? What factors decide or influence whether a guy is into casual sex (which could mean sex without a relationship)? I’ll leave it to the responders to interpret and/or explain what casual sex is.
Yes, and I’d grab her hand and run to the van or just do her in the bathroom since it’s closer, and all my buddies can listen and cheer outside the door. Hope my wife/girlfriend doesn’t find out. Hell, I don’t even care if she was attractive just as long as she has an orifice, and I don’t even care if she was a woman as long as she had tits.
Why not? I think half the world’s problems stem from the fact that we can’t get enough sex, so [dante]I think we should all have sex with each other[/dante].
Well, what exactly do you have to offer apart from that? A nice car maybe? I like nice cars.
Not really much different than if the genders were reversed.
I think that might hijack the thread a bit. Why not start a new thread?; I’d imagine there will be lots of responses.
Posts 2-27, with a few exceptions.
My SO is the same way. At first, I thought he must be totally full of it, but now I’m pretty sure it’s true. Its one of my favorite things about him, actually. I know that he loves me for who I am. It makes me feel very special.
Surely there’s a tux-and-ball-gown fetish group out their somewhere. Try usenet.
What?
(Waiver: That is a big, big criteria point, but if you make it the only criteria point, the relationship won’t be sustainable.)
Overall, how do you find a guy with whom you’re compatible (including on the issue of sexual exclusiveness)? As he read your words, an alarm went off in the head of every guy here, the faster typers among whom are now posting this ahead of me: BE PROACTIVE! If you wait for a guy to ask you out, he’s the kind of guy more willing to ask other women out, too.
This is one of the best things I’ve ever seen on Youtube; Joy Nash’s Fat Rant., well worth a thread of its own on the topic of weight acceptance. However, as she’s brilliantly cutting through the BS about this issue, she addresses how heavy women use it as an excuse for failure “That guy probably won’t ask me out because I’m fat (not because I’m a bitch, so I can always deny I need to work on my personality)” Pure gold, but, while she’s defying stereotypes and convention, she still hangs onto the idea that women are attractive (which in her belief should be more all-encompassing of real women) and guys attracted.
Everybody decides what to do with their own lives: when they let other people make those decisions for them, that’s still their own decision.
Thanks for enduring this rant, hope you liked the video.
Slithy, that is a brilliant video. Thank you for posting it.
Now I want to go shopping for a cool nubby jacket in my size and some dangly earrings.
I don’t have a system, I personally got lucky. But I’ll tell you, I’ve never had casual sex either. I’m vaguely disturbed by the idea, in fact. I’ve also never been into the whole bar scene.
I would say, based on my own limited experience, that you should look for a man based on some sort of shared interest. Instead of going to bars, look for other things to do that are more centered around an activity or hobby (we met at a nightime bike ride through an historic part of town for example. I went because I like to ride bikes, and I like old architecture. He thought I had a neat bike, and said so. I thought he had a neat bike, so we ended up talking). Oh, and actually, quit looking for a man. Just, find things that are interesting to do, and do them because you enjoy them. Looking for a man is boring.
Also, look beyond Mr. Hottie. A guy who isn’t into casual sex isn’t going to dress or act like one who is, because he isn’t pursuing that. Which isn’t to say you should look for a slob or something, but I just mean, if you are always chatting up the sexiest guy in the room, you are probably passing over the nicest guy in the room. And you might have to be more aggressive, at least initially. Again, the guy who seeks you out to talk to is probably trying to sleep with you. Which means he’s always doing that, which means he might be a bit if a slut. If a guy isn’t looking for casual sex, he might not approach you, or his approach might be clumsy. You have to kind of overlook that. You might have to walk up to the shy guy in the back and start a conversation with him.
And, as far as identifiers go, I would look for someone who is kind. I know for certain that is my SO’s defining characteristic, and having read a number of olivesmarch4th’s posts, I think it’s also a major part of her husband’s personality. I could talk for days about how wonderful my SO is, but no one else cares, so I won’t. Suffice it to say, I am always amazed at the depth and breadth of his kindness, and I think he loves me because he sees something similar in me. Which is really cool, I think.
Just another one of those sexual myths, along with “All men like big boobs”, “All women are turned on by the guy with the megabucks”, and “A woman can’t be satisfied unless the guy has a massive dong.” Don’t know why people buy into these myths, really.
Since we have two threads on the same subject by the same person, please continue commenting on this thread.
Thank you.