I keep hearing all over the place that because of feminism women are reporting the highest rate of relationship dissatisfaction in history. Now even whether or not this has anything to do with feminism, are women reporting more relationship dissatisfaction or is it just that women are able to report dissastisfaction now… where would they even report this to (is there a 1-800-my-husbands-a-jerk line that women report to)?
I’ve been looking around and plenty of right wing websites and men’s sites report this, but I can’t for the life of me find a single reference or works cited with an actual report to back this up.
I think this might just be a meme going around as it seems to come in, get talked about in elevators at work and then disappears. I assume that the articles you’re reading are written by men who may just be overhearing women (wives, coworkers) complaining and figuring it’s a big problem, probably because they never gave it much thought before.
Well there was a doctor (author) that was saying this as truth. Basically a woman can’t be an “independant woman” if she wants to be in a relationship… yada yada yada… and one of the things he says is “because the current “feminized society” - one in which many women have bought into but frankly, it’s also the reason that so many women are reporting the greatest dissatisfaction with their relationships of any time in history!” but he has no reference for this. It’s one of those stupid online advice guys, but it’s sort of bigger than that to me - I like to be clear on facts and understand where they come from. I just like to be a great big know it all.
So I’m wondering if there really is a study that shows women’s dissatisfaction over time (which could be attributed to the growing specialization of our heterogenous society, education levels, and other social/cultural issues) or it could be a load of carp which <i>men’s men</i> say to make them feel better that their misogynist butts get dumped by an “independant woman”.
I’d vote for a load of carp. Men are pretty dissatisfied these days too. Society is changing fast, technology is changing faster, and what one knew to be true and stable 2 years ago is now false and swept from the table. As a result, people are stressed, both sexes. And the first appearance of this dissatisfaction tends to be in those areas most important to us, our relationships. It doesn’t mean one is necessarily in sick relationships, only that our stressors are disturbing our relationships.
Or so it is in my not so humble view.
And remember, just because someone has a doctorate, that does not mean that they are not a fool. I’ve proved this many times!
I’m with the Mercotan on this one. It’s easy to throw around statistics about relationship satisfaction. Those who are dissatisfied will always seize on them.
As women and men both grow in their understanding of fairness and mutual respect, the burdens of traditional roles will drop away and both partners in a relationship will become more comfortable.
There is something very freeing about knowing that you are responsible for your own happiness. Women who are independent are more confident. Men who are partners with confident women don’t feel that they have to prove their love all of the time. Communication is more direct and honest. Concerns can be shared. Trust is easier. The feelings of needing to control one another fade.
It just may take a while before everyone catches on.
If I detect the undercurrent of your initial query, Uberbabe, it seems that you feel the possible urban legend regarding female dissatisfaction with marriage is perpetuated by those opposed to feminism in general. Your skepticism is probably well founded and the “study” probably has to do more with a politcal agenda than with any real findings.
Well, it just might be true. It could be that expectations of relationships have changed, and there are more options out there. The higher one’s expectations are, the more likely it is that they won’t be met, causing dissatisfaction. Also, the more options there are, the more likely someone is to be dissatisfied with what they have. (Like when you’re having a hotdog for lunch, and it’s pretty good until someone starts waving a steak around. Then your hotdog is pretty crappy all of a sudden.)
I’d have to see some actual poll results, along with hard-core statistical breakdown before I believed it, though.
It should be noted that the absolute least that any useful statistic about this issue should offer is that the exact same question was asked of a comparable sample of women recently and at this time in the past when supposedly women were less dissatisfied in relationships. It’s hard to believe that there was a survey. If all the statistics indicate is that women say that their relationships at the moment are unsatisfactory, that doesn’t prove anything about the changes in relationships.
Furthermore, it would be necessary to know what the term “dissatisfied” means. Frequently in advice columns, you see women write in and say things like “My boyfriend and I have a great relationship. Well, except for the fact that he ignores me frequently and occasionally hits me and sometimes cheats on me with other women. But most of the time our relationship is great. My boyfriend tells me all the time that he loves me and that I’d be crazy to leave him. My friends say that I should dump him, but I don’t know. What do you think I should do?” (Sometimes men write in with similar sorts of complaints.) I’m not sure that even if you had asked the question “Is your relationship satisfactory?” of comparable samples of women now and at some time in the past that you could usefully compare the answers. It’s possible that the definition of a satisfactory relationship has changed.
Also, it should be noted that the burden of proof falls on people who make claims about the changes in dissatisfaction in relationships. It’s not our responsibility in rebutting the claim to find contrary statistics. If no useful statistics exist about the changes in dissatisfaction in relationships, then no relevant statement can be made one way or the other.
