Yeah, I’m not big on birthdays OR anniversaries OR Christmas OR graduations OR much of anything beyond “Oh, that’s cool. We can have a nice dinner in celebration of that at some point.”
Dogzilla: Birthdays weren’t really a big deal for my family. We’d usually get to pick the meal, but it was from the list of normal meals. I, for example, always chose bean soup and cornbread. One of my brothers always chose beef and noodles over mashed potatoes (we’re German! We like starches!) I can’t even remember if we got a gift. Probably, but they were probably not very big. I try to send an email to my mom on her birthday and occasionally I’ll remember a sibling’s, but more often I’ll be late. It’s just not a big deal for us.
We had birthday parties and my mom made and decorated cakes for us when we were kids. She also made a big deal out of holidays, including presents for Valentine’s Day and Halloween. Despite that? Because of that? I’m a total birthday/holiday scrooge. Okay, scrooge is too strong a word - it’s more birthday/holiday apathy. I just don’t care to decorate and shop and celebrate for any of it. Birthday celebrations for adults have always seemed particularly silly to me, but your story makes me a little sad. I’m sorry you didn’t get the celebrations you wanted, Dogzilla.
[Male here]My birthday tradition for the last 20 years or so has consisted of being out on a roadtrip somewhere, usually near a national park. No need for a cake, presents, or any fuss by friends or family–I’m more than happy taking a hike, bike ride, scenic drive or something like that. I’ve “celebrated” my b-day in places like Alpine TX (Big Bend NP), Mitchell, OR (John Day Fossil Beds), Bryce Canyon, Bar Harbor, Grand Canyon, Zion, and Volcanoes NP.
Indeed. I should have said that I definitely tend to look askance at people for making a big deal over their birthdays, but I’m going to try to change my attitude about it and recognize that just because birthdays haven’t historically been important to me doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be important to anyone.
Yes, it’s a lesson I should have learned from an after school special. What can I say? I’m slow.
That’s just it, rich/poor, young/old, want 'em or not. Everyone gets exactly the same number of birthdays a year. Short of suicide, nothing you do is going to give you any more or any less of them.
Maybe this explains a few people, but it seems to me that most birthday people had near-ideal childhoods. I used to work with a major birthday person, and she once showed off the scrapbook that her mother kept while she was growing up. It was full of birthday party memories, as well as photos from just about every moment of her life. It was so sweet I got the beetus just looking at it.
My mother wasn’t the type to keep scrapbooks. She didn’t do a lot of other things that many doting mothers do, because she lived a life separate from her kids. I totally believe she did her best by us by making our childhood birthdays memorable. But once we became teenagers, she was probably relieved to be free from that particular chore. To be honest, I think I’d be the same way if I had been in her shoes.
My other sister, though, is a big birthday person. She likes attention and partying, so this makes sense to me.
Back on topic, I feel the need to more clearly make a distinction I tried to establish in my post: there is a difference between people who simply enjoy and get excited about their birthdays and people who have expectations about how others should feel/act.
I guess I’m in between? I don’t go all out for birthdays, but I do find it important to at least let the person know. I won’t tell acquaintances my birthday is coming, but I really prefer having something happen on my birthday, even if I have to come up with the idea myself.
I can’t imagine going all out, but I can’t imagine ignoring it, either, unless I was depressed. It would be like ignoring Christmas or Thanksgiving.
Yeah, this is really it. Like my coworker, who celebrated her birthday for the entire month. She talked about it all the time. And then another coworker had a “decade” birthday, (she turned 50), and when people do that, we do a little extra fuss - decorate their office, etc. Then my birthday coworker had her party, and since it was just an odd year (37) we just celebrated it normally, with a cake and a gift. She knew why we celebrated the other one, bigger, too, she helped! But omigod the drama. I wanted to take her gift back, I was so annoyed.
But making a big fuss about your birthday and getting excited just for yourself is good! I don’t want to face every year depressed; I am going to be 40 this year, so I want to try to enjoy every year I have left.
