I Pit my birthday – and my friends’ lack of interest (long-winded – Sorry!)

Let me preface this: I moved to this area and have been hanging out with the people I now know for the last eleven years. I sort of fell into this group of friends (who already were pretty tight) quite by accident, but because I am such a great guy (:D) I was accepted very warmly and quickly. Our group has been through periods of ebbs and flows, as most groups have, but basically we all remain a pretty cohesive unit. New folks come and go, others move on with their lives, but the core group is pretty solid. We’ve been hanging out (it seems like) forever, and all share in personal accomplishments and tragedies. (Graduations, births, marriages, and thankfully only a few deaths, etc.)

One friend’s wife is the self-nominated “Birthday Queen” – she remembers everybody’s birthday (she has a calendar and is not afraid to use it), goes out of the way to plan a sneaky surprise party, organize the invites, gifts and decorations, and usually bakes the cake. To include having somebody sneak the birthday person to whatever location has been pre-determined. I am usually roped into being the assistant and either help with the party organization or the actual get-together and attendance. It almost always goes well, and many drinks are consumed. Gag gifts, serious gifts and the usual party hilarity are enjoyed by all. Declarations of great love and friendship are bestowed upon the guest of honor and there is much rejoicing.

Although I sometimes (infrequently) hint about my bday a few months ahead of time, I do not try to get attention by reminding everybody of the actual date and get all needy for attention as it nears. My birthday is 2 January, and most folks are usually still recovering from the holiday festivities and family activities. I can understand that. What I do not understand is that never, I say **NEVER **in eleven years, has any of these friends ever made a big deal about my birthday. The effort that is put forth in February, April, June, August, September, November or even early December (the other friends’ birthdays) has not been made during the entire time I have known these people. This year was no different.

So here I am, one hour after the end of my special day, and here’s the response: One email, two text messages (the second arriving at 11:40 PM), one MySpace message and one person who came to my apt to borrow money saying “oh, by the way, happy birthday. Can I borrow $50 to cover my rent?” (I did get a phone call from The Giver Of Life (Mom), but I was at the doctor’s office and couldn’t speak at length. I plan to call her tomorrow.) No gifts, no visitors (other than the money-needing mooch), no take-the-birthday-boy-to-dinner (on a Friday night, so there’s no conflict with work in the morning). That’s it.

I’ve got nothing else. Just pity venting, I guess. I realize that most adults don’t consider birthdays to be as important as when you were a kid, and as an adult they tend to be mere ‘dates on the calendar’ than ‘events’, but it would be nice to know that the people that I help to be involved in the ‘big deal’ that is their birthdays and the effort, time and money involved that maybe somebody would make the same effort for me.

Somebody call the Waaah-bulance. I’ll be at the bar.

I hear ya. My birthday is December 22, which is right in the middle of preparations for Christmas. This means that friends are scattered since they’ve mostly gone to visit their folks, and everybody is preoccupied with other stuff.

That’s kinda weird. Is there any chance they think, for some reason, that you don’t want a big deal made over your birthday?

Awww Happy Birthday! My birthday is on a holiday and also rarely gets more than a couple minutes acknowledgment. I know how it feels. Chances are everyone is just beat from the holidays on your birthday and want nothing to do with celebrating anything.

If you guys are going to be doing this for years, maybe you ought to to take over some other event and make it “yours.” Start hosting a solstice party or something. You won’t be the center of attention, but whats most important is having fun with your friends.

for fuck sake, birthdays are for kids.

Happy birthday! For whatever odd reason, my friends often forget my birthday, though it is near no other fetes. I send them cards and gifts every year, and only about half remember mine. I’ve checked with some of them and they say they want to celebrate my birthday, but they don’t remember. What I’ve started to do is this: When a friend forgets my birthday, instead of a gift, I send a donation to a charity they’d approve of, and send them the thanks from the charity in a birthday card. This allows me to acknowledge friends’ birthdays without feeling upset or annoyed that they’ve forgotten mine.


There’s always one, isn’t there.

Happy Birthday Uncle Brother Walker

Thanks. I wasn’t going to be rude, but thanks for sayin’

Besides, I already addressed that I acknowledge that ‘silly rabbit, birthdays are for kids’ thing.

Again: Thanks for saying it for me. I am not in the mood to pit myself.

Maybe you should throw yourself a party next year. I know Miss Manners may not think it’s proper and it’s nicer when other people do it for you, but that will guarantee that you have something festive to mark the occasion with and it may help your friends to realize that yes, you do have a birthday, and would like it to be celebrated.

Someone forgot yours this year, I take it.

Two more ideas:

One of the advantages of being in a long-term relationship is that the significant other can always be the designated host so the guest of honor can maintain a facade of humility, even if you do all the actual planning and prep. So just get married before January 2!

OK, maybe that’s a little extreme. Give yourself a secret birthday party. One year I threw a St. Patrick’s Day party on the Saturday between my birthday and St. Paddy’s. I was shocked, shocked I say that some of the guests caught on and turned into a surprise birthday party. If they hadn’t, it still would have been a fun party.

Had you posted this in MPSIMS I probably would have responded with “That sucks, sorry to hear that. Happy Birthday!” But you posted it in the Pit where presumably honest reactions are solicited. My honest reaction is that an adult getting pissy over a birthday is silly. That does not mean that I don’t wish you a Happy Birthday or that I don’t wish your friends had made it better for you.

Or since everyone’s so partied out on Jan 2, you could throw youself an Un-Birthday Party. The opposite side of the year to your real birthday. That’d be, what, July 2nd - nice and sunny, no other conflicting celebr…oh bugger.

Well, at least you’d get in AHEAD of the conflicting celebration.

(BTW I do agree with askeptic in one thing - this really would make a better MPSIMS thread)

After the fact, I did actually think about that, although I was too late for the edit. But MPSIMS wasn’t the feeling I had at the time. Like I said, I was just venting. Not ready to load the Glock or grab the Mossberg 930 and take it out upon my ‘friends’, but also I realize that I am not the most important person in anybody else’s world other than my own. I was just being grumpy.

If a mod wants to move this, feel free. I like saying what I can here, and tonight, I am grumpy. This is the Pit, eh?

Besides, IMO the Pit is the recycle bin of posts. I can say what I want here. I’m not flaming anybody or advocating child porn or kitten kiling, but I am … a tad feeling that the involvement that I give to my friends is not being reciprocated. Pardon me for being emotional. Or articulate.


And the Pit really isn’t the recycle bin. Many of the best discussions happen right here. I am not talking about flame fests but genuine intelligent discussions.

I hear you. But like I said: The work I put into the machine is not being equalled to what I get.

I know it is petty, but, hey. I am almost human.

PS: and I am not trying to get into it with you, but I do appreciate your side of the story. I know I should be past this, but there is a history. Thanks for raising your flag in this fight.

OR: take your choice: since this is the Pit: KAPLAHH!!!

Is there another person in the “core” that has a Dec. or Jan. birthday? Maybe you can suggest a joint celebration so that it is 1) easier to remember in the future and 2) your friends can kill two birds with one stone.

Or you can just not make a big deal about birthdays, including other people’s. Life is easier when we have lowered expectations.

Eh. I’m not a big birthday celebrator, m’self. My birthday’s in march, and everyone forgets it. That said, the day before my birthday about 5 years ago now, we lost one of our dear friends in a seriously nastyass car accident. Almost lost 3 others in the process. From that day on, we all remember the day before as the marker for THAT tragedy and I just never bring up the following day as, mayhaps, a day to celebrate. Last year I turned 30 and no one noticed. I think I even forgot, myself. Go figure.

We can call the whaaaaaaambulance together, brother.

I’m going to move this thread over to MPSIMS, so we can get back to discussing Uncle Brother Walker’s birthday and why it’s so forgettable. :wink:

And, for future reference, there’s nothing wrong with complaining and/or swearing about personal events in MPSIMS. It’s not the bad words that make a Pit thread, it’s whether or not others may share your views and want to join in. Rants go in the Pit, venting goes in MPSIMS. No harm, no foul, of course, just trying to make things clear.

I think the real issue is more that this woman throws parties for everyone else in the group of friends but him, or that’s how I interpreted it. More the feeling of being snubbed instead of “no one wants to throw me a birthday party, wah!”