My friend’s birthday was on September 12th. I thought it would be nice to show him how much I cared, and so took the day off work just so we could take him out to lunch and to an animation festival. I opted to be the designated driver and pretty much wound up paying for the whole day (none of the other guests have gotten around to paying me back :mad: ). I made it a priority to celebrate my friend’s birthday, after all, it only comes once a year.
I’m not expecting them to do anything for me. However during lunch I commented to them that my own birthday was a mere two weeks away (September 26th). I had noted that I had to work that weekend, but had friday off. I mentioned to them that I had that day off work, if anything to invite them over to my house to hang out.
Well, I found out my friend was planning on going out on a date with a girl he had been set up with. However, he’s going out with her on the day of my birthday :eek: and him and his other friends agreed that there is no way he’s canceling. This really made me feel hurt, particuarly after all the lengths me and some other friends went to preparing his birthday.
Some people don’t think much of birthdays, just another day, but I like birthdays, both other people’s and my own. With friends, its a grey way to celebrate how much you care for them. Lately I’ve been spending less and less time with my friend, because both of us have work, and I have work and have to study on the weekends, and that just makes it worse.
I feel for you, but it is terribly rude to cancel plans previously made with someone in favor of going to see someone else instead. Imagine how she would have felt at hearing about why the date was being broken/moved.
You say that you didn’t expect them to do anything for you, but it kind of sounds like you do. No, some people don’t place a lot of emphasis on birthdays, and it can be difficult for them to understand others who do. I’m sorry that this friend isn’t up to doing anything on your birthday, though.
It may or may not be appropriate, but you can organise something yourself. It may be that your friend cares less about you, but it may be that he’s just a bit hopeless about birthdays, or this date means a lot to him for some reason he’s too embarassed to tell you, or something.
It’s up to you.
And it’s OK to be bitter - that’s what the pit (and friends) are for
He knew when the date of my birthday was, and he also knew that it would conflict with my birthday. But he went ahead and did it anyway. My weekend is busy, and after that point any celebration will have a ‘belated’ feel to it.
Never have high expectations for your birthday. Every birthday of mine since I can remember, has sucked. Wanna know why? Because I always thought it should be great. Expect the worst, hope for the best.
I’m usually an optimist, cept for my dreaded birthday.
One birthday, I wanted to have a big party with all my friends. I invited about fifteen, twenty people. Five showed. Of the five, one arrived early and left early, three arrived late and left early, and one arrived very late and left even later. At no time were there more than three guests at my party. I spent most of it alone, working on a jigsaw puzzle. Of the Titanic, just to make things extra depressing.
Next year, I did the same thing. And everybody showed up.
I guess what I’m saying is, better luck next year.
Yep, I feel for you. I’ve organized birthday parties (surprise and non) for friends and relatives, and have come to the conclusion that ANY party I want to have regarding my birthday will be a total NON-surprise to me because I am gonna have to do it.
I’ve worked at places where, on someone’s birthday, the WHOLE GROUP took the “birthday person” out for lunch on their birthday. Yup. Until my birthday hit. Because THAT was the year that “Cinco de Mayo” first became “big” in the Detroit area. I actually got TOLD “oh…um…we were gonna take you out for your birthday, but Chi-Chi’s is having DOLLAR MARGARITAS today. You can come if you like…oh, that’s right, you can’t eat anything they have…well…um…SORRY.”
Another place I worked at, a small group of people organized “birthday parties” for EVERYONE in our department. Taking out for lunch, or a “carry-in” (potluck) lunch, or a cake, or gifts, or cards, or any combination thereof. Except. Guess whose? I helped organize several of these parties, brought in extra food for one of the potlucks when it appeared that a few people forgot, kicked in money for the cakes, kicked in money for gifts, cards, whatever.
Evidently the “organizers” decided somewhere in the flurry of birthdays that MINE was the one that didn’t need to be celebrated. For THREE YEARS STRAIGHT. It’s not that they didn’t know when it was, since it was marked on their “birthday calendar”. I found out from one of them later that the person “in charge” of the “birthday bashes” really didn’t like me, (the woman NEVER told me she had a problem with me, never said a damn thing, always acted friendly. To this day I don’t know what her problem was) and chose to ignore my birthday (wouldn’t even SAY “Happy Birthday” even when others rememberd and said something) every year.
Nope. I’ve LEARNED - you don’t expect ANYTHING.
I think it’s very hard to be happy when you measure tit for tat, when it comes to birthdays or other celebrations. It’s hard not to do it (god knows I struggle) but it leads to misery. I mean, I’ve been nursing hurt feelings for some years now because a woman who always called herself my best friend treated me so much differently than she did another friend, for the same event. She got me something very simple and moderately priced, from my registry, for my baby shower. I was delighted. However, two months later I was at a baby shower for a mutual friend and she’d gave that friend a large, gorgeous basket filled with clothes and other special gifts she’d spent weeks finding. I felt like she was making a statement, whether the meant to or not, about how much she liked us. I know I’m being a big baby. I can’t help it. I have similar stories to tell about things I’ve done for her birthday versus what she has done for mine.
I think you’ll always find inequities. I understand your hurt feelings, but I’d nurse them on your own. You sound like a fabulous celebrator of other people’s birthdays, but you can’t expect others to rise to your good example. They just won’t, and it might not be about you, but rather how they tend to regard birthdays.
FWIW, I will have a beer for you on your birthday.
a) The other friend hadn’t registered for gifts, and
b) Basket-giving friend had bought all that stuff for YOU originally, but then thought maybe you’d rather have something from your registry, and besides
c) she’s got a brother-in-law who actually stole the items in the basket when he thought his girlfriend was pregnant (turned out she’d just eaten some bad tuna), but then didn’t need them and so gave them to her, which meant that giving them to you in turn would have made her feel like a cheapskate, and anyway
d) the friend to whom she DID give them lent her $10,000, which she has not yet paid back, so she was kissing up.
Ya gotta work with me, here.
Inc, I feel your pain, but I’m with the others who’ve said that you gotta take the bull by the horns and make your own fun. Perhaps you could plan a party and invite your friend to bring his date? It’s not ideal, perhaps, but then at least you’d have your friend there to share your day.
I have a tradition for my birthday. I call my three or four closest friends and arrange to have lunch or dinner with them separately. This way my birthday lasts for a week & I get to celebrate it the way I want. In return, I take them all out to lunch or dinner for their birthdays. I’m always the one who does the calling and the organizing, but I don’t mind.
In my experience, people’s good nature will often desert them in time of need. If you think that people will do things for you spontaneously it’s not that likely to happen. Take charge of your own life!
You just sit around and drop hints and wait for other people to organize your birthday party for you? I don’t see how that wouldn’t lead to a lot of disappointment.
If I want friends over for my birthday, I invite them. You know, like, “I’m celebrating my birthday on the fourteenth. Would you like to come?”
If you wanted him to do something with you for your birthday, you should have issued an invitation. Why didn’t you?
Incidentally, my birthday is October 14. I will now expect you to do something, but I won’t tell you what or even if I’m already doing anything or not. I’ll just expect you to divine that by your powers of telepathy and/or book that date off in case anything decides to happen, which I will take no part in organizing.
The way to invite someone is to invite them. That’s not, “It’s my birthday and I have Friday off.” That’s “It’s my birthday and I have Friday off. Do you want to come around that day and hang out?”
That way, you have extended an invitation, which the person can then accept; once he has done so, it would be rude to break that invitation. It is not rude to break an invitation that was never extended.
My birthday - Last year all my friends got presents FOR EACH OTHER! They all made a big deal, but it didn’t really seem to be about me. A lot of them came to visit - some that I HARDLY EVER HEAR FROM unless they want something. And my dad - don’t even go there…
When I turned 19 I decided to have a combination birthday/I-just-moved-back-into-town-come-see-my-new-house party. I invited everyone I knew, and a bunch of people I didn’t know. I pretty much went down to the coffee house where everyone went (I do mean everyone) and told everyone when and where. I went again the night of the party to remind everyone. I passed out a map of how to get there. I bought a really fancy $25 cake because I wanted it to be special. I made food. I set out everything.
2 people came. And they weren’t even there at the same time.
And I agree with the others who have said it… if I didn’t plan something for my own birthday, no one would ever do it for me. I’ve never had anyone make anything of my birthday unless I was the one to start it. No one in the entire history of my life has ever suggested doing anything for my birthday (well ok except for when I was in elementary school and my mom planned birthday parties) you eventually get the picture and resign yourself to it.
No one gave me a bridal shower or baby shower either, incidentally.
By the way, the two best birthdays of my life have been the two where I got a bunch of dopers together. You should ditch your “real life” buds and just hang with this crowd
I just like celebrating everyone else’s birthday. That’s always more fun, if you ask me.
Although, truth be told, last year I managed to get a toy sword and a Burger King crown. My wife is the best–she helped me search a toy store for what seemed like hours so that I could get that sword.
