Disappointed in my friends regarding my birthday

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m putting this in the pit so you all can feel free to be as mean to me as you want. It might be more appropriate for MPSIMS so I understand if it gets moved there, but if it does, feel free to take off the kid gloves anyway.

Yesterday was my birthday. To celebrate, I took myself, my sister, and 4 of my friends out to see Spamalot. I paid a lot of money to do this, but I can afford it and I wanted to do something that would try to cheer me up. As some of you are aware I’m having a really difficult time with life at this point, so I’m a bit emotionally sensitive.

Now, I’m not the kind of guy who makes a big deal about his birthday. And usually, honestly, I don’t really care or even think about if anyone gets me anything. Usually a call or a text or just saying happy birthday to me in general is all I want.

But this year it’s hitting me a little hard that other than 2 of my friends, no one did anything more than leave a “happy birthday” post on my facebook. Even my sister, who I took out to the play, and usually go all out for her birthdays making her silly custom cards and having flowers or edible arrangements sent to her, didn’t even get me a card. She joined me for the play, and that was nice, and she texted me happy birthday and such (she lives with me so she said it in person too), but I’m a little hurt not to even get a card from her.

Two of my other friends who I took out to the play last night also didn’t even get me so much as a card. They joined me for the play, wished me a happy birthday, but didn’t do anything other than that.

The other two friends have been amazing though. When they met up to go to the play they brought me a present, they paid for a dinner for me after the play, and then they are also inviting me over tonight and cooking me a home made meal and a cake for my birthday. They are awesome and I am absolutely thrilled to have such amazing friends.

Other than those though, I didn’t even get any text messages or phone calls from other people who I would normally consider “good” friends.

I guess I am just feeling overly emotional and sensitive for no good reason. But honestly, if someone invited me out to play and paid for my seat, I’d at least get them a card if not something nice for their birthday.

Anyhow, I’m really trying my best not to “expect” anything for my birthday. That’s selfish and self centered. I’m glad I had people willing to go out and enjoy things with me. I just wish I would have gotten a few birthday cards from them, and a few phone calls or text messages from other friends.

2

It’s tricky. The whole birthday etiquette thing is a bloody mine-field of potential disasters.

The best thing to do is to follow the Golden Rule: celebrate their birthdays pretty much the way you wish that they would celebrate yours. If you like getting cards – send cards. If you like cake and candles – give cake and candles.

Taking the party to a show was nifty. Ideally, one or two of them will get the hint, and on their next birthday(s) they’ll take you to a show. Or buy you something nice. Or send a card. Or…

Well, or maybe not, but they’re still friends. Again, use the Golden Rule: if you didn’t notice a friend’s birthday, how mad do you figure he should be at you? How much resentment would you acknowledge in him?

There aren’t any absolute right answers. But…ah…a little late, perhaps, but Happy Birthday. “May the candles on your cake burn like cities in your wake…”

3

Go tell the folks in the MMP it was your birthday. Everyone in there will wish you a happy one in great big colored letters. :wink:

4

Today is my birthday. I am now officially in my late 50s.

I’d just as soon pass on the whole thing, if it weren’t for the alternative.

5

Shouldn’t this thread be called “Two of my friends and my sister acknowledged my birthday in the manner I usually want, whereas two other friends went way, way beyond what I usually want and that was really nice of them”?

6

Not sure where you’re getting that. Two of my friends did nice things for me. Nobody else really did anything other than just by saying “happy birthday” which is nice, but I feel at least a card or a small token present would have been better, considering I spent $90+ bucks taking them out to a play each. I’m not a “tit for tat” or “keeping score” kind of person so I don’t hold it against them or anything. It’s just disappointing. Especially my sister, who I would have assumed would have at least gotten me a card.

7

Whenever I hear someone complaining about birthday disappointment, I share this link with them:

Patton Oswalt - “You are only allowed 20 birthdays.”

8

That’s a tough one. People can be funny about birthdays.

If I had done the same thing, I’d consider it a birthday present to myself and wouldn’t care if anybody else acknowledged my birthday at all. Actually, I’d prefer they didn’t do anything for me at all as I consider it slightly embarrassing (though I wouldn’t rudely turn down a free meal or gifts or anything like that). Then again, I realize I’m less interested in celebrating my own birthday than most people.

I guess YMMV sums it right up.

ETA: I also really want to see Spamalot while it’s in town. I know some folks who went opening night and had a good time.

9

Ugh, this is why I hate birthdays. For those of us who don’t really care for these kinds of things, birthdays are minefields that can only end in disappointment. There is no way I can live up to the expectations of some people and I have made my peace with that fact.

I’m sorry your day was not as rich as you had hoped, really. I can see that it would have been nice if more people had said something. But if my friends put on the production your friends did I would feel like they had gone too far overboard.

Happy birthday BTW.

You are getting older. Mean enough?

10

[QUOTE=drewtwo99]
I’m putting this in the pit so you all can feel free to be as mean to me as you want.
[/QUOTE]

Come on; have some self-respect.

11

Yeah, that’s all it is.

DrewTwo, you just have to expect less as the years go by. If you get more, great. Otherwise, you’ll be getting less and less time between birthdays, don’t waste it worrying about something like this.

12

Well, when you said:

I assumed you meant it.

Of course, people often say such things when they don’t mean it too. If you are usually like that, it may be that your friends and sister didn’t pick up on the fact that you wanted something different this time.

13

Permission to be mean accepted.

Fuck birthdays. Birthdays are bullshit. So you managed to not die for another year. Congratulations. Sorry, but that’s not worth celebrating until either you hit the high 80s or are diagnosed with a terminal disease.

What are you really celebrating anyway? If anyone deserves to celebrate your birthday, it’s your mother; she did all the work, all you did was show up!

14

You can go to hell you son of a bitch. Drewtwo is a right damn bastard and he deserves nothing but pinecones and half-eaten tangerines.

This is why I tell everybody don’t get me anything and I won’t get you anything and that’ll be our presents to each other: the saving of money by not buying presents.
Happy Birthday!! to all the assholes whose birthday is this week.

And a very merry Unbirthday to all you other assholes.

15

I’m trying not to worry about it and such. I really am trying not to expect much.

I guess I just feel like if I opened a thread that said “A good friend who I hang out with regularly/my brother is inviting me out to a play on his birthday that he bought the ticket for, for me, and I also know that he’s been really sad these days, what would be the appropriate way to celebrate his birthday?” how many of you would say "oh just tell him happy birthday, that’s pretty much all you need to do. No need for a card or a gift or anything like that.

These are all people who I have spent a good deal of time, thought and money on in the past on their special days (or even for no reason at all other than to just be nice), and I don’t know why it’s bothering me. I really don’t think I’m one to keep score but obviously it’s bothering me that I put more time and effort and money into these relationships than I seem to be getting back. Like I said before, I’m not expecting any lavish gifts or anything. Just a card would have been nice and thoughtful.

16

It sucks but family and friends will, at times, not live up to what you need at that moment. You can give them the benefit if the doubt and see if this type of behavior becomes a habit or you can act on your disappointment now. Hate to be negative but family will always let you down. At some point. Up to you how you want to react.

17

I did mean it. I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t get calls or texts from some my good friends. There are friends I didn’t even get a facebook message from, friends who I have gone to parties, called and texted on their birthdays, etc. The friends (and my sister) who went out with me to the play obviously didn’t call me or text me because they went to the play with me. I’m glad that they did. We had a fun time. I just wish that they would have shown their appreciation with at least a card. I don’t expect a card or present from every human being I’ve ever interacted with though. I’m not even saying I “expect” it from the people who I took out.

Anyhow, I realize that I’m being a bit self-centered and shallow. In the future I will expect less, and I realize now that maybe I’m just not the kind of person who can be generous with other people and not expect or want much in return. I think I need to work on that… it’s not a redeeming quality.

18

FWIW, if I were going to go to some get-together/night out sort of thing to celebrate someone’s birthday, it wouldn’t even occur to me to get a card, too. A card, in my mind, is a sort of “hey, sorry I wasn’t there, but I didn’t forget you” message. In person PLUS card seems redundant to me.

But that’s why I let my wife be in charge of interactions with other humans.

19

Seconded 100%.

20

This is why I hate Birthdays, because in your mind, you’re being “generous” with the expectation of reciprocation.

But I don’t give a shit about my birthday, so if someone wished me a happy one, I’d smile and thank them and then let the moment evaporate, because I. Don’t. Care.

This is actually why I never tell anybody my birthday (I don’t even make it public on FB), because people who notice and make an effort are going to resent my failure to do likewise, never realizing that I. Don’t. Care. If it’s something that means nothing to me, your making a big deal out of it isn’t being generous, it’s being obtuse. Or at least highly presumptuous.

Either way, it’s just a way of adding “value” to a meaningless day and creating drama as a result. Ugh.