My best friend’s birthday is next Monday. He completely “forgot” my birthday three months ago. I put the word in quotes because he didn’t forget; he wrote it in his calendar. He just didn’t care. I was really mad. Blindingly mad.
I come from a family and a group of friends where birthdays are a huge deal, and I’ve come to accept that some people don’t see things the same way. That’s cool. I make a fuss over people’s birthdays because that’s the one day they’re special. It has nothing to do with presents; we get presents for lots of other holiday, and it’s not the presents that matter. I figure if there’s any day you want to show your friend that you love them and you’re happy they’re alive, their birthday is a good one. I don’t demand reciprocation because a lot of people don’t take birthdays as seriously.
That said, he didn’t call me on my birthday. He didn’t get me a card, even though you can get one at the gift shop down the hall from my office (that scraps the forgetting theory, huh?). He didn’t write me a letter, which is free. He didn’t even say “Happy Birthday.” I believe I got something along the lines of, “I’m sorry I’m a crappy friend and didn’t get you a present.” Yeah, because it’s all about the present, right? The kick in the pants was that I told him three weeks before, when he asked, that all I wanted was a card. Hrmph, guess not.
I tried to tell myself that he is just not a birthday person. Maybe he doesn’t celebrate anyone’s birthday. Maybe I’m hypersensitive and greedy for being offended. That’s a much more likely explanation than that he just didn’t care it was my birthday, right?
WRONG. I’ve heard (more than once) his happy little story about how he got the coolest present for his sister’s friend’s birthday and how she was “so happy.” I also recall his getting our other best friend a birthday present and putting a lovely little Happy Birthday message on his website. Her birthday comes before mine, by the way.
So, now I have a dilemma.
My feelings are still hurt. He has never apologised, even though I did try to explain to him how I felt. I don’t want to celebrate his birthday in any way, shape, or form and that seems fair to me. After all, he didn’t celebrate mine. At the same time, I know how hurtful it was on my birthday, and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I would like to behave like the adult I am supposed to be now and move on, but I don’t want to reinforce this “treat Mercury like crap” kick he’s been on lately.
Thanks for any advice!