I walked onto this board… and tripped over this thread.
(I bump, break, fall over, spill, crash, and wobble everything around me. It’s like a glowing aura of klutziness!)
In most ways, I’m pretty average/non-klutzy. But take me out to eat, and all bets are off. I swear I never leave a restaurant without a food stain. I have no problems feeding myself at home though.
My people!
I fall up stairs too. But only with an audience, apparently. I’m always bruised or scraped from my adventures. Since I’ve been dwelling in the dorm, I have scraped my hands several times against the rough wall beside my bed. I’ve gotten to where I hardly notice it until I look at my knuckles and think, “Not again.”
I have always dropped things. But I have countered this by learning to catch what I dropped. It works about 90% of the time. When people witness me knock stuff over and then catch it before it hits the ground, they will often comment about my reflexes. I tell them it took years of practice. 
I bang into stuff, but I don’t often injure myself greatly because of my sturmhaukium plating. Instead I drop, knock over, and break things. I try to use plastic cups because I once destroyed an entire set of my mom’s glasses over the course of a couple years. Just today I was having lunch with my wife at a dim sum restaurant. I was lifting a shiu mai to my mouth, but I didn’t realize it contained a compressed spring until it hurled itself off my chopsticks and onto my plate, where it bounced through a pool of chili oil and soy sauce and onto the table, spraying the orange mixture all over the place, including available light’s shirt which was 3 feet away.
I once (well, many times really but this one was the most spectacular) tripped over my own feet and fell face-first into a wooden doorframe. This resulted in 60 stitches to reassemble my forehead and I got to see my own skull, which is kind of cool in a creepy sort of way. Do I qualify for membership in the club?
P. S.
I’m also always marked with copious bruises. I never even notice anymore when I acquire them.
Yes, me too. Many is the time my SO has said he needs to dress me in full Kevlar before I go out for the day.
I have been known to trip over painted lines.
I have a friend, Lee, who makes all of us (even YOU, Elenfair!) look positively graceful in comparison. We finally reached the conclusion that he feels naked without stitches.
Lee was in a car accident (actually not even his fault) and his glasses were broken and the stem went sort of INTO his temple. He needed three stitches to fix that up. But Lee didn’t want to go back to the doctor to get the stitches taken out, so he decided he could do it himself. He took a pair of scissors into the bathroom with him, REMOVED HIS GLASSES WHICH HE WEARS SO HE CAN SEE, and put the scissors to his temple.
Took FIVE stitches to fix THAT.
Another time he was commenting on what a nice job his wife had done cleaning the kitchen windows. He said, “They’re so clean you almost don’t know there’s glass in them.” About thirty seconds later, he went to flick his cigarette butt out the window and it bounced, still burning, off the clean glass and hit him in the forehead. He started laughing, and fell over backwards - through another closed window.
Eighteen sttiches that time.
Me too. I inherit my lack of grace from my mother. We like to say that we’ve “hit a rough patch of air.” A couple of years ago, she was getting out of the bathtub, slipped, fell out of the tub, and hit her head on the toilet. When next I saw her, she looked as if she’d been in some kind of fight. She regaled us with her enthralling tale and bought a non-slip mat for the tub.
I think the toilet was exacting revenge on her.
So the purpose of these doors is to cause someone to become handicapped, not to help the handicapped… I was getting it wrong all along!
Me, too. I used to be a lot worse. At one point (I was maybe 19 or 20) I had about fifteen scratches on my right arm from various misadventures. I also still have a bruise on the back of my leg from trying to shut the car door, into my other leg. This happened in early August of 2004.
Geez, that seems like it would have hurt like hell. Yes, I think you deserve membership.
LifeOnWry: Lee seems to be unlucky… heh
We call that a “negative space wedgie” or a “gravity surge.”
I like those. Especially “negative space wedgie.”
Wow! I’m so relieved to know that I am not the only “coordinationally-challenged”
person out here! My family calls me accident-prone…
as I type this, I am in a cast due to fracturing my ankle on Mothers Day while
walking to my truck. BUT–there was an uneven spot in the sidewalk due to
tree roots. This happened at my daughter’s apartment complex…she hates the
management company and wants me to sue them. I dropped my toothbrush
one time & when I bent to pick it up, I hit the corner of the counter with my
head…actually, with my eyeglasses. The right lens broke, cut my face but it
wasn’t serious. I’ve fallen down attic stairs onto a concrete garage floor…
fortunately my forehead broke my fall…only a slight concussion. (There’s a GOOD
reason that they tell you to walk down those stairs backwards.) I’ve lost count of
the times I’ve walked into the walls of my own home. My hubby thinks he’s funny
when he says “Oh yea, I just put that wall there”. The worst & most frightening
incident though was when I managed to shoot my own self through the leg…
thank goodness, the bullet went straight thru and didn’t hit anything major.
I had to call 911 and tell them I’d shot my self but that it was an accident, NOT
a suicide attempt. My daughter’s friends actually told her “Only YOUR mom could
manage to do this…”