Are you a "List" Person or a "Surprise Me" Person?

I really enjoy giving someone a gift that they really like, more than just the value it is worth. Likewise, I enjoy receiving a gift that has had careful thought put into it, even if it isn’t perfect - I’d rather have a gift that someone thought about but missed the mark, then just another shirt, even if I will wear it.

Which means that, as far as others go, I usually am not that interested in having a list - I’d like to pick something out. However, there are a few people in the family (my wife’s parents) who we never can come up with a good gift idea for. We don’t know what they want, they don’t have hobbies to appeal to, they are just hard to shop for. We’d like to have a list for them. Also, my wife’s sister has a new baby, and it’s good to see a list of what they need vs. what they have, just because we’re more than happy to fill in the empty spots there.

On receiving gifts, again, I’d rather they put some thought into it and bought something, and I’ll never be unhappy with someone who tried to get something special even if it isn’t something I want. I also don’t mind giving a list to a relative who is having trouble.

What I really hate, though, is when someone asks for a list, and you go to all the trouble of writing one out, with low priced items, higher, easy to find, hard to find, a nice variety, all things you would like, and - they ignore it completely. And get me a shirt. Well, fine, but don’t waste my time by asking me for a list, then. (It’s not the poor gift that upsets me, it’s the blatant disregard for the value of my time.)

I’d like to add that my “Just get me gift certificates!” doesn’t usually work. Because “they’re so impersonal!” So it’s deeply personal to purchase a DVD I told you I wanted (and probably provided a link to), apparently, but not to get me a gift certificate.

I’m both. Lists, surprises, doesn’t matter: but if it’s a surprise, I hope it’s not from one of my relatives who sucks at giving gifts.

Is anyone offended when they find out that a gift that you gave to someone was returned or exchanged? I’m not. If the person I gave a gift to would rather have the money, or have the present in a different color, etc., no big deal.

I wouldn’t be offended, but I do feel hurt. And mad at myself for not being a good gift-giver.

I can appreciate the merits of both types of gift-giving. My family is a group of wonderful, generous, loving people. When they’re on target, they’re REALLY on target. When they miss the target, though, they miss it by a country mile.

I love surprises. Love giving them, love getting them. Love, love, love them, even when the gift is something I don’t care for or won’t use. I peeked in my parents’ closet once to see if Dad had bought me something I thought he had, and it just sucked all the fun out of the gift. At the same time, though, I feel guilty not liking the stuff people have gone out of their way to choose for me. It’s even worse when it’s something I can’t pass on to someone who might appreciate it more, like the personalized tote bag my MIL got me last year. And frankly, I have plenty of other things to feel bad about.

My family demands a list, but a pretty vague one. We don’t want to hear about model numbers or exact shades or any of that crap, we just want some general direction. We live far enough apart that we don’t know what tools someone has or doesn’t have, or what hobby stuff they’ve worn out and need to replace, and a general list makes things easier on everybody. We’ve done the focused list thing in my dad’s family for years, where we draw names. You generate a list of a few things in the $20-$40 category, and they go from there. (Sometimes you get some strange requests, though. I tend to wind up with the person that all she wants for Christmas is a rolling pin. Or a gargoyle. You ever tried finding a garden gargoyle in Kentucky in December?) You never know what they’re going to get you, really, but you know it’s going to be something you’ll enjoy.

My inlaws, on the other hand, used to send Dr.J to Lexington with the credit card to buy his own gifts. Not everything, but a lot of stuff. He’d bring it home, show his mom what she’d gotten him, and she’d hide it in her closet until she wrapped it and put it under the tree. At least they didn’t expect him to act surprised.

My family has always been listers, thus I am a lister. Not that I’m opposed to the idea of a surprise gift, it’s just that when it’s something really innapropriate, or not-me, or just plain ole utter crap, that sucks.

Mr. Dude is not a lister. it sucks trying to get prezzies for him.

List/surprise mix.

I have already asked for the two things that I want for the holidays. A nice terry robe, in any color but white, and jewelry (I dont care what kind, just make it sparkly. Glitter works.). I want the robe from my folks, and the sparkles from my SO.

You know what I am going to get?

Socks. Or a PDA that I really wont use. I have a perfectly good pocket calendar in my purse. I got it from the girl scouts and it cost 2 dollars. I dont NEED a PDA.

As far as my gift giving skills, I am just about going to give up on my mom. Last christmas it was a vase that hung from the wall. I loved it and thought it would look great in the house, filled with the roses that she loves to grow.

It is currently in a box, in the garage. I think this year I will learn how to set up a drip system and connect all of her roses to one so she wont have to spend two hours watering every other day.

My sister is really easy. Fry’s gift certificates. She loves that.

My SO is also easy. whenever I ask him what he wants for presents, he just points me to his Amazon gift list. This year he wants the complete episodes of Bonanza. Arrgg. But DVD’s make him happy. So DVD’s he gets.

My stepfather wants a Sitar.

The little gets toys. lots of noisemaking toys. and books, and clothes. Right now at age three she is easy. I am taking full advantage of that, with the knowledge that one day I will never be able to get her the gift that she truly wants. Because she will be a teenager, and if she turns out anything like what I did at that age…sigh

I understand vibrating tools are excellent for boners. Careful with the belt sander, though.

Re the OP, I prefer to be surprised, but I make lists available for those who want to refer to them. I will also review someone else’s list, though I do not promise to stick to it if I think I have a better idea.

(A couple of years ago, I got a large stack of books from my wife’s uncle that utterly mystified me. Abraham Lincoln on Leadership, and the like. I browsed through them with an increasingly perplexed expression, and from across the room, he asked, “Is there something wrong?” And I, trying to be polite, said, “Well, it’s not exactly what I expected, but I’m sure I’ll find them interesting.” He said, “Didn’t you have those on your Amazon wish list?” And I said, “Uh, no.” Turns out he was referring to the wish list of somebody who had a similar name but lived in Florida. Oops.)

I’m down on presents- I’ve both gotten and given too many pointless presents, so there’s no fun in it anymore.

When someone insists on a present, I tell them, if you must give me something, make it something edible and be prepared to take home whatever isn’t eaten during the celebration, because I won’t.

I loved getting surprised. But my family gave awful presents. Usually there would be one or two things I’d want a week or month beforehand that my mother would save for the holiday, and the rest was crappy things like socks, and razors and pens.

Fortunately for me, GMRyujin is great at buying me cool stuff I didn’t even know I wanted until I got it.

But I absolutely suck at giving gifts. I recruitfriends to help me think of things. One of them is even taking me out shopping, and I have recruited friends to help me think of things to get her as a thank-you.