I do so hate occasions when I need to give a gift - I’m not very good at it. In my heart of hearts, I’m all about practical, and practical gifts are sooo boring! It’s even worse with people I know well, because I should have a better idea of what the “perfect gift” would be. Nope, not me.
Even with kids, it’s tough. I had to ask my niece what to get for her toddler son, since I don’t see him all that often and I have no idea what he already has. Heck, I was asked what my brother could give to my granddaughter and new grandson - No clue, and I see those kids all the time! One of my sisters always seems to find clever and unique gifts. Obviously I didn’t get that gene.
Do you see gift-giving as exciting or terrifying? If you’re good at it, could you maybe share some of your genius with the rest of us?
Chore of dread, for sure. It’s my grandson’s seventh birthday tomorrow and I haven’t gotten him anything. I haven’t seen the kid in forever and don’t even know any of that age. If I do see him I’ll just give him some money.
Decades ago, a friend of mine announced that he was no longer giving gifts on special occasions; if you wanted to give him something, knock yourself out, but you would get nothing in return and he refused to feel guilty about it.
Years later, I told my family I was adopting the same principle and it has worked out brilliantly (IMO).
It’s a bore, mostly. Dread is a little strong, but not by much. Fortunately I’m of an age where gift giving to family isn’t really a thing any more. No kids, sister on the opposite coast, husband who buys what he wants when he wants it, assorted BIL/SIL/nieces/nephews that we’ve never really been on gift giving terms with.
Sis and I get each other cute socks, maybe a book, quirky food items. Husband and I treat ourselves to a good dinner or maybe a trip somewhere.
In general I don’t like big celebrations and holidays. They make me very uncomfortable for some reason.
I enjoy giving gifts. Especially, when I see people using it years later. For me, at least for adults, it’s about thinking about stuff they enjoy and extrapolating that to something they would use but don’t have yet.
For instance my father in law is a tinkerer. He’s got all of the tools and a giant junk pile to pull parts from and he spents most of his time in the junk pile pulling parts fixing them up and putting them in new things. A couple of years ago I bought him a set of books on how to machine toy, working, steam engines. While he hasn’t built any that I’m aware of yet occasionally when we go over to their house he’ll have the book on his side table with a book mark in it.
My wife finds him impossible to buy for because she wants go get him something practicle like a new set of red wings since his are 30 years old and falling apart. He still hasn’t moved that gift card off the table.
For xmas, I decided decades ago, when I was a more religiously inclined christian, that the way we celebrate the Birth of The Christ was morally wrong and that in fact we were not doing that at all. Told my family I would not give and did not want gifts given to me.
Mom and Dad still gave a couple hundred $ every year anyway. I feel the same about Easter but that a different holiday activity.
I don’t mind small gifts for birthdays. I don’t want anything but I will give some amount of money appropriate to the age of the bday celebrant either in cash or as a gift card as appropriate. If it’s for an infant, I ask the parents what they need, diapers, formula, a babysitter for a night out, etc and give them that.
I’ve always enjoyed giving the gifts, it’s figuring out what to buy for people and doing the shopping that I used to dread for sure.
Fortunately my wife is very good at it, and does all the gift shopping for both her family and mine, so I only have to buy gifts for her these days, and that alone is a chore of dread
My mother (now in her eighties) just asks my brother and sister-in-law what she should get the grandchildren (now in their twenties) or just asks them to get something and to put her name on it.
I agree with those who find it a chore. I have money, I know what I want and can certainly afford to get it myself. I’ve got very plain tastes in clothing and also I don’t really need anything, aside from replacement goods. Most of the family is the same; enough disposable income to afford whatever is needed and a house already full of stuff.
I’m not at all religious, but I get this. Maybe if we all scaled things way back and put in a little more thought, but the way things are currently practiced (at least in my family), kills any holiday spirit I might feel.
Effing chore for me. Pre-kids my wife and I exchanged gifts and it was based on “surprise” protocols - you cannot ask what the other person wants, you just have to “know” what they want. After kids, she pretty much took over gift giving for everyone since it was easy to just go buy toys when I was at work and the kids were in school (yes, pre-Amazon days). As a result, I rarely get to buy and give a gift, and when I do it is usually met with “but I already got so-and-so a gift” stink-eye. It’s not the act itself that gives me anxiety, but the whole thing is in my head now, so I dread it.
As someone else said, though I wouldn’t say my feeling qualifies to the level of dread, I find it a chore and also feel resentful to a degree for having being put on the spot by what I feel is an overly entrenched and arcane custom.
Then there is the physical/logistical side. I couldn’t then ( when I was a kid ) nor can I now, despite plenty of instruction, admonishment, teasing, wrap gifts without the end result looking like I wrapped them while wearing boxing gloves.
I have always hated giving gifts. For the grandchildren, it is always cash.
My sister married into a family that was heavily into gift giving. Every Christmas, she gave gifts worth around $2000 in total and received about the same. This means that essentially every luxury item she got every year was something someone else thought appropriate.
The one exception is for my wife’s birthday and I always give her something edible that I make.
I’ve often found it to be an unpleasant obligation, and I suppose I wasn’t very good at it in that context. On other occasions, though, I’ve suggested what turned out to be very good gifts. For example, I drove a friend to someone’s house so he could work out the details of a business arrangement. We ended up staying a couple of days, my friend said he thought some kind of gift was in order, and I suggested a bouquet of white roses. Yeah, not the most imaginative gift (I’m a man, dammit, and proud of it), but it worked very well for everyone, as it solved my friend’s problem in 10 minutes and I heard it made a lasting impression.
