If you can solve this Visual Basic problem, it would be much obliged.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=29847
Welcome aboard, HalloweenMan!
I also would like to point out that crossposting is frowned upon over here - I’m sure Euty will go easy on you though 
Your original question in GQ is in the right place, and there’s probably someone working on it right now.