Are you ready for rapture?

Rapture Ready Message Board

I don’t have the heart to tell these folks that they missed the boat years ago.

Suddenly, I hear dozens of teenage campers singing…

Are you ready for the Rapture?
Are you ready for the End Times? (End Times!)
Are you ready for our Lord’s return, while heathens burn,
And a whole lot of Kirk Cameron?

Come Rapture, I’m gettin’ a BRAND-NEW FERRARI!

Hehe. Salvation as a game show. “Come on down, Gatopescado, you’re the next contestant on THE PRAYER IS RIGHT!”

Come Rapture, I’m gettin’ a BRAND-NEW FERRARI!

More than one apparently.

Here is my new favorite thread over there:

Hezbollah Gorillas hit an Israeli Naval Vessel Six posts before anyone even mentions the gaffe! :dubious:

Face to face
Sadly solitude
And it’s finger popping
Twenty-four hour shopping in Rapture…


Not me. Never was a big fan of Blondie, and Deborah Harry kinda squicked me with her method of extinguishing cigarettes in Videodrome.

Oh. You meant the Fundie thing.

Gee, they’re fighting in the Middle East. That’s so dramatically different, such an utter departure from anything that any of us have ever seen, that one can understand why one might take it as an eschatological sign.

By the way, I hear that gatopescado is in line for a BRAND-NEW FERRARI.

Hell yes. I’ve got my anti-rapture helmet on hand at all times. Never can be too careful.

Heh, yeah, I can remember when the Rapture was just around the corner, for basically identical reasons, 30 years ago.

But I might be gettin’ a BRAND-NEW FERRARI! That’s gotta make up for a lot of not-so-good stuff, [sub]like having no gas to run it on, and, oh yeah, all those other trials and tribulations[/sub], doesn’t it?

That there’s my favorite sign of the Rapture. . . “You will hear of wars, and rumors of wars.”

Holy shit, really?

I mean, seriously, since Homo habilis grasped the concept of “pointy end of stick goes in the other guy,” has there been a contiguous period of 7 days without a war somewhere on Earth?

No, no. Gatopescado is getting a BRAND-NEW FERRARI!

However, how do you feel about a nice Miata? You’ll have to deal with the Jesus fish on the back, but that’s such a small price to pay.

Is it actually possible to be one of God’s chosen ones, and also to drive a Ferrari? Since Ferraris are made by seriously Catholic people (who I’m sure don’t believe in this sort of rapture scenario).

This guy isn’t a very good observer. I saw at least four things per day happen last week, and that’s not even counting when the mailman came.

I wonder what work of fiction the stupid and the lazy will elevate to sacred status then? Little Red Riding Hood?

imagines bad future horror movies where the great great grandson of Christopher Lee is being driving back by a pretty girl wielding a pic-a-nic basket.

“By the Power of The Woodsman, I Raise This Holy Axe…!”

Don’t know about Ferraris, but I saw a bumper sticker on my way home yesterday on the back of a beautiful black convertible Mercedes SL 500 driven by a couple of aging hot mamas with bolt-ons that said,

“Don’t let the car fool you. My real treasure is in Heaven.”

I can’t even think up a witty retort to that. Perhaps my fellow dopers would think of something appropriate. :smiley:

Not only that, the sacroiliac joint is more around your butt area than your back, really. I mean, what the fuck, Blondie.

I HATE it when something I read makes me snort out loud while sitting at my computer. :smiley:

When I’m at my sister’s multi-level house, we always seem to be asking, “Where’s so-and-so?” The standard answer has become, “The Rapture came. We’re left behind.”