Aren't you shocked by what some people DON'T know?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
201

This actually happened this weekend…

I play Tenor Sax for JerkWaterJive here in Columbus, Ohio. After a show, a guy came up to me and asked, “Isn’t it hard to play that thing?”

I replied, “Yeah, it takes alot of time and practice to learn any instrument.”

Trying to expand on his question, he went on to ask, “Well, I mean your thing has, like, a thousand buttons. But the trumpet only has 3 buttons, and that other one has that thing you slide back and forth…”

“The trombone?” I interrupted.

“Oh, is that what it’s called? Anyways, I’d think your instrument would be harder because you can play alot more notes…”

I didn’t feel like explaining embouchure, or letting him know that actually, the trumpet and trombone both have a wider range than the sax does…almost half an octave more.

I just smiled, nodded, and got myself a beer…

202

A english friend came to visit me here in Norway a few months ago. Driving home from the airport he asked me about some of the strange letters he saw on the signs. I explained to him that the norwegian alphabet has three extra letters. He sat considering this for a few seconds and then asked : Do you have any extra numbers as well?

203

Last year, at this time, I was taking a ceramics class with my two neighbors. (For social reasons, I certainly don’t need another knick knack around the house.)

Anyways, my one neighbors ( a very funny woman who is an engineer) was painting her ceramic peice with 14 kt gold paint. I noted the price on the ounce container and was surprised how much it was , like $14. I then commented,
" If gold is this expensive, I wonder how much myrrh would be."

She looked at me and said, " What’s myrrh?"

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, as myrrh is not a word used except at Xmas, I spelled it out and said, " Y’know, Gold, Frankincense and…(fill in the blank)"

She was a total blank and I was really patient ( very strange for me) and tried to give her prompts that would light the bulb in ther head. " You know, Gold, Frankincence …Myrrh…Three Wise Men…Following something…"

" I have no idea what you are talking about."

I am still having an out of body experience and being very patient with her, " It’s a part of a very famous story…takes place every Christmas…in a manger…Gold, Frankinsence and Myrrh…"

The other people in the room started to twitter and before they did, I actually thought I was on Planet Moron. My neighbor looked at me and said emphatically, " I haven’t any idea what you are talking about."

“Look, " I said, " You are a Catholic, right?” She nodded, " And you attend church faithfully every Sunday, right?" Another nod, " Jesus …what in the hell are you doing every week. This is a story that even jews and arabs know about."

“Well, I’ve never heard it.”

AIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

204

You can add atheists to the list (at least this particular atheist).

Great story, by the way! :slight_smile:

205

Thanks, BK. Every time I see this neighbor I want to ask her about Myrrh.

I have a few more.

About 11 years ago, when I was in travel agents school
( which should have been my clue that any one can be a travel agent, but I digress) the first day we are given a 50 question geography test. Fill in the blank.

" The Tower of London is located in What country"

Crap like that.

I whizzed throught the test and was the first one to turn it in. When we received the tests back the next week, I saw that I got a perfect score and went, “Shit, this is easy as pie.” Then I saw the girl next to me test paper, she only got one right. I managed to say, " I don’t think being a travel agent is up your alley." She dropped out.

How could anyone not get more than one right? I’ll have to dig up that test and post it here.

I once had a very terse discussion with a postal employee about the location of Ontario (California). He said it was in Canada, and therefore my package would be more money.I calmly stated that “Yes, while there is an Ontario, Canada, it is a Providence and I was not mailing to the entire populace,thereof.I was mailing it to California, which is a part of the contiguous US.”
We went back and forth until I said, “Why don’t you punch in the ZIP CODE into your computer and see that I’m right.”

He did and said nothing more.

I’ve said this one before in the many
“Idiots I’ve worked with” threads.

A woman called up the office wanting to take a train to London. Having just driven back from London Ontario ( I’m in SE Michigan)the weekend prior, I said it was really six in one and half dozen in the other for drive time/train time and probably cheaper to drive.

There was a pause, the lady said, " I thought it was about six hours or so to get there."

The light bulb clicked on in my head, " London England or London Ontario?"

“Ummm, I didn’t know there was two.”

“What are you going to see over there? London with the Big Ben?”

" Yeah, that’s it. I saw on TV that you can take a train…"

“You must have seen the news footage of the chunnel opening up.”

“Yeah, that’s it. The chunnel. I want to take that.”

“The chunnel only runs from Paris to London.”

The lady was persistant. “But there is an ad to take the train to London from Windsor.”

I explain that the ad is for a company that sells rail and air packages and she must be misreading it. She is quite adamant that she is right. I take a deep breath and say, " I can book you on a train from Detroit to Newfoundland…"

“And?” My little pidgeon prettily replies.

“After that, you gotta swim.”

206

Well, even Einstein was wrong, occasionally. The duck-billed platypus and the spiny anteater are two mammals which lay eggs rather than giving birth to live young. They do have mammary glands, however, allowing females to express milk to feed their young, which, along with a four-chambered heart, hair and the warm-bloodedness you mention, places them within the mammalia class.

207

Yup. Gotta agree with ya on this one.

208

My old roommate used to ask me the stupidest things…
We had two friends that moved out of NYC. One moved to Miami, and the other to San Francisco. We were discussing visiting them one day, and I swear I saw the light bulb go on over her head. “Wait!”, she says “Is Florida near California?”. I just kind of laughed, and said yes, in fact they were right next door to each other. “Cool! Maybe we could rent a car and visit them both!” I laughed harder, and she just looked at me, perplexed. She had no idea I was pulling her leg. To top it off, she got mad at me for explaining that California and Florida were no where near one another, and apparently, I was being a snot about it.

We had another friend who was so dumb she actually thought the sun and the moon were the same thing, except at night, it glowed in the dark. BTW, she was about 16 when we had this conversation. When this same girl was about 25, she decided that she wanted to clean under her stove. She proceeded to pull the stove out, disconnecting the gas line. Her sister, who was also her landlord and upstairs neighbor, smelled gas, and went down to see what was going on. To make a long story short, the fire department had to be called, and the skylights had to opened to let the gas escape. Idiot Girl had the nerve to be mad at her sister for yelling at her, because how was she supposed to know not to do that?

One time I was in the car with my mother, and we were on our way to a Broadway show. We stopped at a light, and my Mom says “Wow, I didn’t know there was a Macy’s here!”. Once again I laughed, and informed her that we were at 34th Street. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was someone who was not born and raised in NYC, but my Mom just looked at me, and said “So?”.

Rose

209

VIA Rail has a train to London from Windsor, and from London it is then about an hour’s drive along the new road to Paris, or along the old road to Berlin. The nice thing about southern Ontario is that you can see the entire world without leaving your home. Of course Windsor, London, Paris, Berlin et al all look like corn fields, but hay, the price is right.

I lived in that area of the province as a youngster, where when the TV was working (a Marconi which needed repairs pretty much weekly the way the bulbs kept blowing), we received two Canadian stations and three US stations. It was several years before I realized that I was not an American. I figured that Canada was just another US state. I remember being seriously worried that I might be called up for the draft. So many newscasts had footage from Vietnam that it scared the hell out of me, and I wondered where I could go to to avoid being sent there.

You’d think that somewhere along the line I would have come across Canadian or even American history at elementary school, but instead I was taught mediaeval and renaissance British history with a smattering of Roman history thrown in. As it happens, my family tree goes back in England for over 800 years, so I was quite happy to learn English history, but it was sort of frustating to be so incredibly clueless about my own country. If it weren’t for the town library, who knows how long it would have taken for me to figure out the basics.

Today I am well educated enough to know that although Jean Cretien is both the Prime Minister of Canada and the President of the US, they are two separate countries.

210

I’m surprised no one else has caught this.

Dude, the Internet has been around since DARPAnet and everything, but Java was only released on May 23, 1995.

Good luck finding a person with more than FIVE years experience.

–Tim

211

I’ve never owned or lived in a house which had a toaster (always had toaster ovens). I’m sure I’d figure it out, but I’ve never had the experience of needing to free toast from a toaster.

212

[QUOTE**I’ve met Americans unaware that we pronounce it “zed”.
**[/QUOTE]

I didn’t know that. I know it’s “zed” in France, for example, but had no idea it was in Canada. Why would I know that? I grew up in Arizona, and I can’t recall learning ANYTHING in school about Canada except where it was.

213

I once had a co-worker–easily in his 30’s–who expressed surprise at his recent discovery that New Jersey is in fact a separate state, and not part of New York (I believe he thought it was part of New York City).

My family was travelling through Indiana; a couple of small parts of the state are in the Central Time Zone, while most of it is in the Eastern Time Zone, but most of the EST section doesn’t use Daylight Savings Time. So, my father wasn’t sure at one point if we were in the Central or Eastern Time Zone, so he asked the clerk at a fast-food restaurant. Not only did they not know which time zone they lived in, but they clearly had never heard of the concept of time zones. (“Excuse me, do you know if we’re still in the Eastern Time Zone, or if we’ve crossed over into the Central Time Zone?” “Ummmm…it’s about 5 o’clock, I guess.”) For years afterwards, my father would harass poor fast-food restaurant employees and similar people by casually asking “Say, do you happen to know which time zone we’re in?” (especially when we were travelling, of course). It turns out a really astonishing number of people have seemingly never heard of the concept. God knows what they think those TV schedules are talking about. ("‘When Lawyers Attack’…tonight on Fox at 11 o’clock Eastern/10 Central!")

And of course there are all those people out there who don’t know that there is no God…:wink:

214

Just don’t use a fork, dammit!

IIRC, I’ve posted this particular stupidity before, but it bears another telling:
A friend’s wife got a new (used) car, and he proceeded to show her how to check the oil. It happened to be a quart low when he showed her, so he had her put in a quart. Three weeks later, the car is running poorly – low power, and lots of blue smoke, especially when going uphill.

That’s right, she had been faithfully checking the oil every time she got gas, and the dipstick always said ‘Add 1 Quart’. So she had about 8 quarts in it, and it was basically drowning.

Makes one wonder who or what the real dipstick was…

215

Whoops, yes, this would be a possibility. Except that, upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a historical romance that took place in Boston during the Revolution.

216

A friend and I were discussing astronomy, and he says “If they are so interested in those stars, why don’t they grab one with the space shuttle and bring it back with them?” :shocked:

Also, I remember from 2nd grade, out teacher insisting that scientists had sent a spacecraft OUTSIDE our galaxy, and far enough away to get a good photo of it face-on!! I think I got punished for arguing with her…

217

I’ve mentioned this one on this board before, but this thread seems to be becoming the archive of all ignorance. I was talking to a coworker and he seriously asked me which came first; the American Revolution or the Civil War? Even leaving aside the appalling ignorance of his own nation’s history consider how ignorant he had to be of the significance of these two events if he couldn’t figure it out on his own.

218

Astroboy reminded me of another story. It happened in 6th grade science class when we were learning about the planets. The teacher said something to the effect of “some scientists think the planet is all gas.” One girl asked why they didnt have one space ship park obove the planet and another one below the planet. The next part of her plan involved the first vessel dropping a brick through the planet to the second vessel. The teacher got in a little trouble for laughing out loud.

219

I had a cousin visiting from the US a couple of years ago.
We took her to London and showed all the usuall sites, the Tower of London, Hampton Court etc. In Hampton court she turned to me and asked "Who came first, Henry VII or Henry VIII?

Do they teach Math in Rhode Island?

220

Yes, but not everybody passes.