After I mentioned this to my wife, she said, “Tell him to go to Hell!” Of course, I stuck up for you and said, "Honey, he lives there. . . it’s called ‘Staten Island’.
Tripler
Yes, Staten Island is hell.
When people “play Devil’s Advocate” are they required to pay you a royalty? If so, what’s the standard rate?
What ever happened to Walt Disney?
Does Al Pacino help you out at all…ever?
Can YOUR guy make a Burrito so hot that he himself cannot eat it?
Or I suppose for a more fully alternative, can The Devil make a slushie so cold and delicious that even HE could get brainfreeze from drinking it too quickly?
So you claim you’re in charge. Why is your opponent’s book the all time best seller?
Phil (no love here)
So, Devil’s Advocate then, ok here’s my question:
Meh, how bad could it be?
Do YOU have an advocate? If so, what’s HE do?
Is it true that when bad people in Hell die, they are sent to Gary, Indiana?
Wouldn’t that be pro malo work?
RoOsh & Boyo Jim
Master is not omnipotent, just evil. He did, one time make a quiche that was so bad He Himself could not eat it. He ended up serving it to Walt Disney.
If you’re asking oblique questions about the wages of sin then I am afraid I must inform you that discussion of pay & benefits is strictly forbidden. Bad for morale and all.
No. Infinity. The Devil gives nothing for free. Staten Island-all of it. I am not allowed to divulge proprietary information about the construction or organization of Hell, the truly curious will one day discover the answers. Our softball team is not the best. First of all, nobody can beat God because He’s alters the laws of physics to favor Him during the game. He says this is not true, but as everything he says is Truth, it’s pretty hard to convince the ump that He is cheating. About the only joy in playing God’s team is watching Jesus strike out on curve balls. There is good talent in Hell, unfortunately Master eats the players along with anyone else so we are plagued with high turnover.
No, but I have picked up a few good pointers even from mortals. A true professional is always open to new ideas.
Al does a lot of my work for me by specializing in outwardly sinful characters with sincere human motivations. He is an excellent example of casting doubt on the absoluteness of truth and judgement.
While selfless service is admirable it is usually a thankless task which drains the performer of any sense of identity. He simply becomes, “The Helper.” Once he loses his identity, he becomes useless as a human being and viscerally unattractive to those who once loved him. Take some “me” time. Indulge your deepest desires and make sure you never lose your grip on who you are. Nobody will thank you for depriving them of “you.”
When did I or my Master ever claim to be in charge of anything apart from The Abyss and the souls entrusted to our organization by their “loving and beneficent” Creator? As for best sellers, all great works lose some meaning in translation. The Creator inspired great love and desire in a number of authors. Master took care of overseeing the actual scribe work, subsequent revisions by political figures and religious hacks, etc. The Word is indeed pure and good and reflective of The Creator’s intent. However The Word never translated well into print. Who, then is the true author of the best seller?
Are you saying Jesus Christ can’t hit a curve ball?
Haven’t you ever seen Major League? You need Jobu on your side to hit curve balls.
(psst…I think she was quoting Major League)
Fuck you, Jobu. I do it myself.
What’s with the horns and pitchfork thing? Did he lose a bet or something? Is it always Hallowe’en in Hell?
C’mon, YOU’RE Dick Cheney, aren’y you?
So, is the answer really 42?
No, his Boss is Dick Cheney. Something about a corporate buy out, or maybe it was a preemptive strike.
I apologise for my protracted absence. Master commanded my service in arranging the afterlife rewards for a slough of jihad martyrs and I had an inconceivable task locating the requisite number of Virginians to “bless” them with.
DMark: Is it true that when bad people in Hell die, they are sent to Gary, Indiana?
Ro0sh: Do YOU have an advocate? If so, what’s HE do?
nd_n8: Meh, how bad could it be?
Really Not All That Bright: What’s with the horns and pitchfork thing? Did he lose a bet or something? Is it always Hallowe’en in Hell?
Boyo Jim: C’mon, YOU’RE Dick Cheney, aren’y you?
Pleonast: So, is the answer really 42?
OP: “for subjects of morality to which you feel there is no viable counter-argument that would validate them as in fact moral, please post them here and I will answer on behalf of His Most Unholiness.”