Uh. Could I be number 3?
Sometimes, to tell or not to tell - A family member is not always entitled to an autopsy report. It goes by strict state law as to next of kin. Spouse first; if no spouse, grown children; if no grown children, parents; if no parents, sister or brother. Well, suppose X has died at nineteen under suspicious circumstances with her husband present, and he is feuding with his mother-in-law. There is no sign of murder, but the cause of death isn’t at all clear. The girl’s mother is desperate for info. Do you tell or don’t you tell?
How about if the dead person is an infant, the mother is a suspect but has not been arrested, and she calls wanting to know what you found?
What do you do with the newspapers?
Suppose a dead child is Jewish and it looks like she has died from an epidemic that is sweeping the town. Everyone in town is frantic - this is a real case, by the way - but no autopsy on the five children who have died so far has yet shown a cause of death. There is a real public health need for info. Father and mother do not want autopsy on religious grounds. Right decision?
What about money found on dead people? Jewelry? We have a shining history of perfectly honest dealings in our office, but you know, when a forensic tech is earning $10 an hour, he’s alone in the back, he’s undressing a decomposed guy who has been living in a FEMA trailer after a flood, no one in the world knows if or how much money the dead guy has on him, and he finds $5000 in hundred dollar bills with only the outer one soaked with decomp juice, it’s gotta be a temptation.
He turned it all in. Every one. Photographed them in the wad and as he pulled them out and laid them down on the counter. Family never gave him a dime in reward. We gave him a commendation and the State gave him an extra vacation day. Big deal.
Awww…
Hundreds. About a fifth of our 600+ autopsies a year are suicides. (About 130 are homicides.) We probably view (meaning examine but do not autopsy) a hundred more. We autopsy all the ones who used guns, which is the vast majority of them. This is unique to Virginia - I mean the autopsying: many jurisdictions don’t bother to autopsy gunshot wound suicides. Virginia does because of a chief-level policy decision after a “homicide-suicide” case turned out to be a homicide-homicide that had to be exhumed. Exhumed bodies have a special stink all their own.
Southerners have a real tendency to use guns when they want to die. When I worked in New York City, jumping off tall buildings was way commoner. Not many buildings in Virginia tall enough. Hanging is also very common. We see very few suicidal overdoses. I’ve seen one count’em one suicide by combined Viagra and cocaine. Talk about a way to go!
Age range - Two: young and old. Young people typically commit suicide over disappointment in romance, while drunk, and impulsively. They can give you “cluster” suicides if a suicide is published a lot with a lot of attention and sympathy. Old people typically commit suicide over serious health problems in themselves or their spouse. They plan it with great care, they are not drunk, it is not impulsive, and it’s almost impossible to stop.
More men than women. More whites than blacks. We don’t have enough Hispanics or Asians here to draw valid conclusions.
Psych history does contribute, but it’s usually a history of depression, which of course is a risk factor for suicide. Not sure if there would be any actual increase in schizos and so forth if you took the depressed people out of it. I am so sorry to hear you struggle with it. Tell us sometimes what a day is like for you. I would like to know.
What, like that’s not every day?
You, personally, have eleven.
Crap, they’re on to me!
Crap!!
gabriela! I’m so happy you joined!
Do you testify in court? If so, have you found the so-called “CSI effect,” where juries expect things to be the way they see on TV? And if yes, how do you counteract that?
If you don’t testify in court, how do your colleagues who do handle the CSI effect?
Yay! gabriela’s staying! She’s staying! :does happy dance, which looks remarkably like Snoopy dance, except with wild red hair:
I can’t think of any cool questions right now, I’m just happy you’re a member! You are, like, so cool! 
Isn’t there something strange that we are elated that someone who deals with decomposing corpses has joined The Dope? We sure weren’t that happy the last time we got an accountant.
We’re a weird bunch.
Oh, man, that hurt. 
“Weird” is so … judgmental.
“Eccentric,” perhaps.
BTW, there’s such a profession as “forensic accountant” – ya think they’d have any interesting stories to tell?
Nah, I don’t think so either.
Or an engineer.
Now, I would get really excited about a shrink.
That fella would be usefull for you folks.
Er, we folks. 
…or a college student.
Waitaminit, lemme sweeten the deal…
ahem
…or a charmingly handsome college student.
twicks , there’s your opening to ask what I did with such a student…
(psst…gabriela , bonus points to the new member if you defend me before twicks or some other hoodum tarnishes my sterling image)
(psst…gabriela , bonus points to the new member if you defend me before twicks or some other hoodlum tarnishes my sterling image)
(psst…gabriela , bonus points to the new member if you defend me before twicks or some other hoodlum tarnishes my sterling image)
Steel wool wouldn’t…
Eccentric = weird + money. Are we all rich? 
:: pats **YaWanna **on the head ::
[baby voice] There, there. Look at the pretty accountant. Nice chubby cheeks. [/bv]
Better?
'tis true.
I need a new coat o’varnish (or is it some form of laquer that’d be applicable?)
…probably just a polish would work for that particular buffing situation.
<<sbort>>