That’s right I agreed to perform at an Open Mic. I have no idea what my set will be because I can’t write jokes. I don’t know how to tell interesting stories but I did come up with one killer that I will save for the end.
So ask me anything you want.
Well, I’m assuming here that you are there because your friends think you are funny or something. My guess would be that you are snarky or have humorous insight about daily activities. My advice would to stick to whatever made you think you were funny in the first place, rather than try to tell a series of jokes.
My favorite comedians are the ones the say the things other people are afraid to say, e.g. Chris Rock, Carlos Mencia. (That’s right, I said Carlos Mencia.) Richard Pryor has this huge comedic reputation, but if you go back and watch his old sets, his stories were actually really boring. It was his insight that made them funny.
Or, if you are one of those guys who make funny sounds (Eddie Murphy,) go with that.
So, in summary, stick to what already works for you, even if you don’t think it’s funny yourself.
Please post the killer one here. I hope you have a lot of fun.
BOOOO! You SUCK!
I keed, I keed. I’d love to do open mic. I can make people laugh with my improv, but I can’t make it translate well (read as: at all) onto paper, in a repeatable manner.
How many minutes will you have to do? If you’re bombing badly, will you stick it out, or will you go right to your main gag, and hopefully leave 'em laughing?
I like to think I am snarky and have humorous insight but I don’t know what others will think. The son of the club owner suggested to me I try it because I have “stage presence” I love Chris Rock, Jim Bruer , and I like Carlos even if he borrows from other comics.
When Craig Robinson was at the club I was on stage with him at one point which was enjoyable for me but I wasn’t doing comedy
Sorry I won’t post it here until after my show but I will pm it to you
I don’t know how long I’ll have or if they will save me if I’m bombing. I’m going to try to sick it out then at the end leave them with the main gag but we will see.
Have you ever worked on stage before? Do you enjoy performing for an audience? I used to do a lot of theater in high school and college, but I haven’t been on stage in years.
For the curious, yes, it is a killer joke. 
Other than a karaoke stage no. I sung live on the stage with MrCraigRobinson playing the keyboard but that was unplanned and unexpected.
I can do deadpan expressions (as my Face Belly thread shows) I love entertaining but am scared.
I’m hoping that things just flow when I’m on stage because I’m comfortable there. Part of me thinks it would be easier for me to write if I had some illicit substances in me but I’ve never done any of them.
Ah, I pity you. I’ve done open mic before - you can’t really appreciate how polished a professional comedian’s act is until you’ve tried it yourself. Good luck.
Ahh but I can and do appreciate how polished an act looks due to years of practice. I don’t have any delusions of instant success but if I can get one person to laugh I will feel good.
If all else fails, do face belly. It made me giggle, at least. Unless MTV has a copyright to that character now…
Mein Hund hat keine Nase?
Aw now I wanna know. PM it to me! PM it to me! I won’t spill the beans!
Awful!
wait, think I forgot something in there…
Are you afraid of dying?
(I didn’t want to post that before the gig, in case it freaked you out.)
Still, are you/were you?
Do you know the secret to comedy?
Because I know the secret to comedy. It took me a long time but I finally figured it out.
Go on. Ask me the secret to comedy.
sigh Time to take one for the team.
Ahem. What’s the secret to co-
Whee! A thread I can participate in! (No, that wasn’t the reason for the fact I haven’t been on in a while, just haven’t had time for the Dope lately. What’s the punishment for that?)
I performed comedy off and on for 20 years, never did get anywhere with it, but had a blast doing it! My advice is, first of all, be true to yourself - good advice for life in general, but don’t try to copy someone else or the like, or do a particular joke even though you don’t like it (or don’t do one because someone else doesn’t like it). Also, I’d recommend not to do blue (ie saying “fuck” every second word) - that’s way overdone and really looks amateurish to me. I’ve seen people make it big without ever doing an ounce of blue jokes, and those that do swear deliberately work their swears in at a certain point, not just throwing them in because “fuck” makes the audience giggle. I’ve never met George Carlin* but I’m sure that every one of his dirty words is there deliberately and not just randomly thrown in.
*(I have met several comics who have given me advice, and I’ve learned a lot from them. I pass their advice on to you, grasshopper.)
Above all, good luck and I’ll leave you with this thought, audiences are generally kind to first timers on stage, but they do expect you to learn from your experiences for the next time, free rides aren’t guaranteed.
(And, if you want to PM me your jokes or act, I’d be glad to give it the once over for ya and pitch in with any advice! I promise I’ll stay on the boards long enough to check my PMs! honest!)
Timing!
ETA: And as you can see, mine is off.
Anyway …
I have quite a bit of experience in public performance, but as a musician. I’ve sung in front of an audience, just me and my guitar, many, many, many times, and I got over any stage fright a long time ago. So when I got the opportunity to do a bit of standup a few years ago, I figured it would be no problem.
Dear Og, that was the most terrifying experience of my life! I had met a standup comedian, Natalie Gray, via MySpace, and when I checked her schedule I discovered she was going to be appearing at the very club where I worked as a cook. So I chatted with her a bit, and with my boss, and we all agreed it would be fun for me to be the one to introduce her to the audience. And we decided I would deliver a very brief comedic monologue to introduce her. So I came up with a completely bogus description of how I met Natalie*, ran it past her for her approval (she thought it was hilarious), and when the time came I got up on the stage, took the mic … and probably looked like a deer in the headlights. I completely lost control of my voice, and began speaking in a slow, Southern drawl (all the while thinking to myself, “WTF?! I’m a lifelong resident of the Pacific Northwest! Where is this voice coming from?!”) Another problem was that I didn’t have my guitar to “hide behind”, as I normally would when on stage. I felt naked and exposed. Somehow, though, I managed to remember the bulk of my “script” and deliver the punchline effectively, and got a good laugh from the audience (in that regard, I did better than our regular Comedy Night host did). But I’d never been so happy to get the hell off the stage!
(heh - and then in her opening bit she assured the audience that she never actually said she wouldn’t have sex with me 
)