Ask the guy whose girlfriend is marrying a woman.

First, a little background: I recently started dating my high school girlfriend’s then-best friend. Even though the relationship between my high school girlfriend and I didn’t work out, we stayed in touch as friends over the years and I attended her wedding. Her best friend from high school (a fellow classmate of ours) also showed up to the wedding and we hit it off beautifully. We’ve been hanging out as close friends since August, and officially agreed we were in a relationship a couple weeks ago. For purposes of this thread, I’ll call her “Louise.” The funny part is, Louise and I didn’t say two words to each other all through high school, even though our class only contained 32 people (it was a small college prep school). It wasn’t out of any sort of animosity or dislike; we just had nothing in common, other than that I was dating her best friend.

Anyway, before we started seeing each other, Louise and a close female friend of hers had decided to marry so the close female friend (I’ll call her “Debbie”) could register under Louise’s health insurance. Louise is completely heterosexual, and Debbie is bi. There are no plans to live together or do anything other than get a marriage license at the courthouse. To my knowledge, they have never engaged in any sort of sexual behavior with each other. Louise is in her 30’s and Debbie is in her 40’s, and both are highly educated professionals with advanced degrees.

They both have asked me how I feel about this, and I told them I’m not sure yet, as I haven’t really thought about it too much. They want me to be cool with it before they go ahead and do it. If I object, they likely would cancel the plans.

Go ahead, ask away.

So I guess Louise doesn’t assume the two of you will ever get hitched?

The marriage would only last until Debbie can get her own insurance and/or when the benefits of being married are no longer worth it. We just don’t know how long that would be.

What they are doing is fraud. Do you want to be involved with someone who is willing to commit fraud?

Something to consider.

IANAL, but it sounds like fraud to me. I would be concerned on that point.

As just a boyfriend, I wouldn’t have an issue with this other than the fraud aspect. But as someone who might consider getting more serious, it would be an issue, since it blocks the avenue to marriage, and causes legal entanglements.

But of course, as a man, if I could somehow wrangle a 3some out of it, …

oh never mind. I don’t have any questions. Good luck.

Where do you live that a highly educated professional with an advanced degree can’t afford her own insurance?

How can you not see this as a disservice to all Same Sex couples that are fighting for the right to get married?

I’m not convinced this will end well.

Getting married is a big thing - legally, socially and emotionally - and, as the vows go, should not be entered into lightly. Even if all three of you were the bestest of friends and trusted each other utterly, there are families and friends who may not be thrilled with this scenario and who could poison things for one or both of the women involved. And that’s all assuming that Debbie doesn’t harbor secret feelings for Louise and is hoping that Louise will “come around” once they’re married. In short, while IANAL and thus have no idea if this would be considered fraud by the insurance company (and I don’t know why it would), there are still a lot of landmines in the territory the three of you are traversing. So - how lucky do you feel?

And finally, of course, there’s the big picture: this is exactly the scenario that opponents of SSM have been warning of for years. Way to make life harder for ACTUAL same-sex couples who love each other and want a real marriage.

I don’t think it’s fraud if they really get married. If Louise and Debbie actually legally get married, the problems will come when they try to do anything else other than get health insurance. Does either of them ever expect to marry again? Gonna need a divorce. Are they going to do their taxes jointly or will they file separately? Do they expect to inherit from each other?

I suspect that many people will use the emerging same-sex marrage laws to form non-sexual partnerships like this. A lot of people are going to miscalculate.

I forgot to mention that - divorce has its own legal pitfalls. They’d better have a good pre-nup in place or else “unexpected” division of property and alimony payments could follow.

It sounds like a sitcom solution to a real problem. What state is this and could they simply qualify for domestic partnership for health care instead of marriage?

I guess it is, because opponents of SSM are not driven by reason, but really it shouldn’t make a difference because opposite sex people can and have done the same thing.

It does seem unnecessary to me though. I could see doing it in some situations such as if the person was sick and desperately needed medical treatment. But a highly educated, presumably healthy professional who is just going to be able to get insurance on her own at some point anyway?


And it doesn’t seem like a real prudent solution to Debbie’s problem. Marriage seems like a HUGE step to solve a financial problem. Letting Debbie move in, to save money so she could afford her own health insurance, seems like a more reasonable temporary solution, than marriage.

So at the point where they dissolve the marriage you will be OK with Debbie taking half of Louise’s money and property?

At my workplace, a domestic partner’s portion of medical benefits is not paid by the company. But it IS paid for married couples, gay or straight. Gay marriage is legal here, which is why they are allowed to provide different coverage levels. I could add a domestic partner to my policy, but their portion would cost over $1000 a month. Whereas, if married, we’d be paying slightly less than double my single coverage (which currently costs me $125 every 2 weeks).

If her employer finds out about this, your girlfriend will probably lose her job. If the insurance company finds out about this, she’ll be up shit creek with a wiffle paddle. Moral quandaries aside, people get jail time for insurance fraud. I wouldn’t want to be within 20 yards of such a hot mess, much less *dating *one.

I can’t help reading the OP and wanting to ask the obvious question: so Louise is, 100%, no questions asked, “completely heterosexual” and you’re absolutely sure about that? The first reason I ask is that if I’d asked at least two of my own previous girlfriends at the start of our relationship about their orientation they would have said the same thing, and it was only later that I found that they were on the 3+ side of the Kinsey scale. And it took over a year for one of them to admit that and I was still totally floored by that.

The second reason I ask is, well, as others have said what Louise and Debbie are doing looks more like something out of a Hollywood movie script. Hell, it was a Hollywood movie script (“I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”). The only reasons I can figure that two people would be even considering this would be 1) they’re planning to commit insurance fraud by entering a sham marriage and hoping the government is too dumb to see it, 2) they saw this in a news story or the abovementioned movie and they somehow figured they’d hit on a big loophole in insurance coverage, or 3) they might actually be really planning to get married. I can’t see the government not getting suspicious of two people getting married, applying jointly for nothing but health insurance (and are they even going to live together? that would really raise a few eyebrows), until one of them gets health insurance in some other way and they immediately divorce. It would be bizarre with or without the SSM aspects of the case.

Even if Louise is unemployed (which certainly does happen to educated professionals with advanced degrees these days!) or self employed, surely she ought to be able to get health insurance in her own name, without being married, now that Obamacare is operative.

The whole story sounds very fishy and scammy.

So, now Obamacare is turning straight people into homosexuals. Why didn’t you warn us, ITR Champion?

Won’t whoever provides the insurance be a bit suspicious when the happily married couple don’t have the same address? Or will they indeed be living together?

Yes, for decades people have been getting married for lots of purely legal reasons - immigration, social security benefits, medial care, inheritance rights - but there are lots of horror stories about these “fake” marriages ending badly.

And I know that Obamacare isn’t perfect, but I believe everyone can sign up and get a rate that is certainly within their budget as per their income. Have they even checked into that? It might be easier and cheaper than this scam.

Ignoring the “fraud” issue, would you be as nonchalant about this if “Debbie” was a guy? I mean, a sex-free sham marriage is a sex-free sham marriage no matter what the bits are on the various members.

If you treat gay marriages with the same amount of seriousness (either high or low) as you do straight marriages, then Debbie’s gender doesn’t matter. But a lot of guys in my experience tend to treat lesbian relationships as more “non-serious fooling around” than the equivalent heterosexual activities.

All the people shouting “Fraud!” need to start providing cites. Can’t? I wonder why.

For as long as there has been marriage, people have gotten married for “practical” reasons absent a romantic partnership. Louise’s insurance can be extended to her spouse as allowed by her employer and insurance company. Debbie would be Louise’s wife, they’d be married, there’s no further test imposed to determine the “validity” of the marriage.

No fraud.

I’ll agree that the terms of the eventual divorce should be a concern. Just because everyone is playing nice now, doesn’t mean everyone will play nice when it comes time to divorce.
ETA: Funny that the “Ask the” Thread so quickly turned into a “Tell the” Thread. :stuck_out_tongue: