Generally, I think that the best thing a person, any person, can do for any child is to let them be themselves, while still impressing on them their obligations to other people and society. The best gift anyone has ever given me was seeing me at my worst and loving me, all of me, anyway.
A note about counter-productivity: I’m not implying anyone here would do this. In fact, I think parents here would be less inclined, because it seems like many Dopers are quirky folks who value intellect and different-ness.
That said: IMO, the biggest mistake a parent of a HFA/AS child can make is trying to force them to be NT. It seems like some parents* have trouble letting go of what they thought/think the child would/should be.
You can’t make an autistic an NT anymore than you can make a gay/lesbian straight.
My Dad, as above, loves and accepts that I am what I am. My Mom tried to force me to be NT. Needless to say, it failed miserably but left me with some baggage that I’m still working through. Dad and I have an awesome relationship.
In sum, I would say: If you can’t beat 'em, join 'em. My Dad shared his interests with me and challenged me intellectually. He didn’t laugh at my ‘weird’ behavior or try to make me something I’m not.
How have your symptoms (if that’s the right word) changed as you aged? Have you tried occupational therapy? A good friend of mine with Asperger’s had sensory integration issues as a child and a severely reduced sense of pain, which were greatly helped by OT.
The disease vs. different way of being thing is a loaded issue. In the interests of full disclosure, I am a member of “Aspies for Freedom”, a website for and by HFAs to deal with this issue.
I believe that autism is a naturally occuring genetic variation that occurs in a small but significant part of the population. A person’s neurotype, like their race or sexual orientation, is a fixed part of them they have no control over.
That said, I believe autistics should get every service they need to help them function as comfortably as possible in a world that is not autism friendly.
I would not choose to be NT–being NT would make a different person, much as someone changing their race or orientation would make them someone else.
The only special -ed I ever got was a couple years of math help in middle school. Dyscalcula is a co-morbid of my autism. At the time, they all just thought I was lazy.
There’s a certain degree of sun-autistic behavior going back at least to my great- grandfather. My whole family has a clear preference for routinue, order and sameness, patterns, and repetitive behaviors.
My main tic is my face–once in a while, one side of my mouth jerks a little. My eyelids twitch if I’m anxious or upset. Sometimes my arm or leg will ‘jump’ a little. I have a few very mild phonic tics ( I smack my lips and click my tongue).
I agree with Mama Zappa about Rainman. Ray isn’t very high functioning, but many of his behaviors are a decent portrayl of some autistics.
An autistic actor isn’t at all a contradiction. There are autistics in all walks of life. Dan Ackroyd says he has AS, and I’m sure there are more.
I’ve become less rigid in some ways and more rigid in others. My stims have changed a little, though they are literally always there. My Mom says that I used to lie in my bassinette and stim with my fingers even as a baby.
Mama Zappa- My family is much more accepting then they would have been five years ago, I think because I was totally self supporting for a year. At fifteen, the emphasis would have been on “How can we make her normal?” Now it’s “How do we redefine our expectations for each other?”
I have never gotten any kind of therapy. They tried ballet for a while because they thought it would make me graceful–needless to say, it didn’t go well
Touching is only with humans. I love animals, especially cats and friendly dogs. I particularely like cats with short, soft, slightly fluffy fur, and dogs with soft, unwiry coats. I could cheerfully pet my sister’s daschund for hours.
That’s interesting - I would have thought a more common misconception about Asperger’s in particular (as opposed to full blown autism) would be that it doesn’t really exist and is just being applied to people with social inadequacies (like ADD/ADHD and “naw, yer kid’s just stupid”). Did you ever hear that kind of thing from people?
Some believe that Asperger’s is a effectively a faddish “metaphorical disease” which these days is slapped with ever great frequency on all sorts of people with personality or behavioral quirks that would normally be way below the radar for any kind of mental dysfunction diagnosis like true autism. It’s also claimed that some individuals are practically seeking out this diagnosis for themselves (or their children is some cases) and will go from doctor to doctor until the label is finally applied.
Father of a 6 y.o. in the spectrum with aspergers…
First of all…Welcome!
Second…When (what age) did you realize that your tics and stimming were not NT?
Third…Does your mother and father have strong talents towards music and/or mathematical/engineering backgrounds?
Fourth…I noticed you said that you did not do ballet very well…was there a lot of midline crossing involved in ballet, and do you think that was the main issue(s) that caused the difficulty?
Welcome to the board Lysitheia :). I hope you hang around this can be a fun and enlightening place.
I do not know anyone that is not NT so I am coming from a place of ignorance and thusly I find this thread interesting and I, like Asimovian, thank you for starting this thread and if anything I write offends you then I am apologise becuase I really do not mean to.
Do you have a pet of your own? If not would you ever like to have one? Does petting animals help you like hand flapping or humming does?
Also when you hum is it a specific song or tune or is just random?
What about that woman who designed the humane slaughter houses in Colorado?–I forget her name (she is featured in an Oliver Sack’s book), but she built herself a “hug machine”. She is HFA. Do you have any thoughts on her? Dr Sacks tried the machine and found he liked it (it sounds neat to me)–Would you like something like that (instead of human contact)?
I wasn’t claiming that Rainman was HFA–he was described as such in the film. He was also based on an amalgam of patients from Dr Sacks.
Temple Grandin. You can see the machine in Errol Morris’ First Person documentary about her (“Stairway to Heaven”). I believe the book that Sacks mentions her in is The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat.
**Lysitheia[/], thank you thank you thank you thank you. My 13 YO son was diagnosed with AS three years ago, and for my MSc in Biochemistry, I gave a seminar on the genetics behind ASDs.
My question to you is: how do you deal with a change in routine or plans? What coping strategies do you have to deal with such changes?
Temple Grandin’s book was quite startling when I read it. I was attracted by the title, Thinking In Pictures, because that’s what I do. I wasn’t expecting so much else in the book to seem familiar (if much stronger than I’d experienced).
