Ask the (hopefully soon-to-be-former) Hoarder/Clutterer

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
101

choie, you so totally rock!! I’m so impressed with how much you’ve gotten accomplished in a short time. Hold onto the light and the space that you’ve let in, in your apartment and in your life! You absolutely deserve it.

And yeah, sorry, but my opinion of you after seeing pix 3 and 4 has changed precisely not one iota. Why would it? Honestly, they weren’t as bad as I could have imagined, and even if they had been, so what? Who really cares? The important part is that you changed it, and check out how awesome the after pix are!

What you just did is a BIG DEAL, and way not easy, but you DID IT. YOU did. You pushed through the shame, you faced your demon head-on, you said ‘No more,’ and you DID IT.

You are my new hero!

102

Congratulations on having a kitchen again!

I recently did a lot of work in my house, including changing the kitchen, and man, not having a kitchen sucks.

103

Congratulations, choie! It’s too bad that Sol got pulled away – it probably was an emergency crime scene clean-up – but the extra space and light and cleaner air are wonderful. I’ll repeat what someone else said – your “before” pictures were not as bad as I was anticipating.

(I did once spend the night with a friend who is much, much worse. Two houses full of treasure, junk, and trash, all mixed together, with only very narrow pathways to thread through. Ktchen counters piled high with trash, dirty dishes overflowing the sink and neighboring spaces, floor sticky, stink everywhere. I was tempted to sneak out in the night, but it would have been too rude, because the person is a sweet, dear person. Instead, I washed a batch of dishes and cleaned the kitchen floor. No one noticed, but I felt a little better.)

And I agree, it is sweet that you empathize so much. But let me say again, imagine that you set Oliver’s spirit free, free to go on to something else, and that he thanks you for it.

Again, thank you for sharing your process. I wish you great success in your ongoing efforts to keep your space, and have a home and not a prison.

Oh, and chin scritchies to your cats, too.

104

Actually, this borderline hoarder saves aluminum and scrap iron to take the recycler and I actually do it once a month without fail. However, I agree that it should not be encouraged in other cases.

For me, the recycle center makes it easier for me to throw out metal junk - instead of trying to fix a garden trowel or broken wheelbarrow I can recycle it, which somehow in my mind makes it easier to throw out. I also, as noted, go every month whether I have a little or a lot. It’s as regular as paying the rent or the utilities. It also made it easier for me to throw out a busted air conditioner rather than keep it to fix it, and so on. I also have a pickup truck so loading up the junk is easy for me. Getting money for it is very much a positive reinforcement and encourages me to [del]throw out[/del] recycle more stuff.

What’s bad for me is that in my area the local government does NOT provide trash pickup. We have to PAY to get any trash removed, and anything over a certain amount a month is more money still. In other words, my current situation discourages throwing stuff out which is not a good thing. The local recycling center, because it pays me for my junk, encourages tossing stuff.

Granted, that’s not the norm in many places, but I just wanted to point out that one size does not fit all. In my case, recycling has resulted in more junk be thrown out, not more junk accumulated. In others, yes, it’s a bad idea.

Just don’t like the idea of blanket one-size-fits-all rules. Since a major part of overcoming clutter/hoarding is working with the individual to come up with solutions they will actually follow there has to be some looking at individual situations.

105

Oh, please - yes, you had a problem. It was terribly cluttered. As I said, though, I’ve seen worse. MUCH worse. And you’ve acknowledged the problem and sought help.

Funny thing is, although at one point my front room filled up to a depth of five feet, and I mean SOLID, there were NO paths or trails through it (in other words, WORSE than your apartment), my kitchen never got into that state. Somehow, I could keep the stove and counters clean. Go figger.

As I’ve said several times it’s totally OK you got emotional. I’d venture to say it’s a normal reaction to the de-cluttering process for those of us with these issues. This is a big change and big disruption in your life. Again, you noted the problem and sought help. You know that means? You’re going to be OK. You’re going to control this problem. Oh, sure, you’ll have some occasional backsliding, you might find a need to get help (a service or your sister or a friend) to keep up with it. You’ll need to develop strategies and habits, but hon, you’ve gotten over the biggest two obstacles: 1) admitting you have a problem and 2) doing something about it.

Congratulations on the first day of a cleaner, less cluttered rest of your life!

106

Fantastic job, choie! It looks great. I know you’re looking forward to new paint, clean floors and more shelving. Now you can have people over without worry and you have a place of comfort instead of concern. I’m very happy for you.

Enjoy your weekend!

107

What a great thread. I am doing therapy with a borderline hoarder, and I will have to ask her about some of the insights you have written about.

Congratulations on having tackled such a hard situation! We should all have such courage and grace.

108

I do think you need to complain to the service and get your last half-day back. I mean, you paid for it, right? And there’s stuff like final cleanup that you were really counting on.

109

I concur; it sounds like you paid for time not a project.

110

choie - Think of it good in a way that Sol left you before the job is done. It’s like he took you by the hand for 4 and a half days and then said (think of Sol as Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic), “Kate, you go on without me. Do whatever you have to to survive. You’ll live, Kate.”. Kate probably wouldn’t have had such an exciting life if she and Leo were immediately picked up by lifeboats. They’d’ve toodled off to the Carpathia and settled down somewhere. Kate had to learn to live in her own, and you’ll have to learn how to manage your place on your own.

You’ve done a great job and I’m thrilled you have your life (and your apartment) back. What do the cats think of the place?

StG

111

I just wanted to add a small cleaning tip I’ve recently started doing. When I dry my hair in the morning, I turn the dryer towards the counter and give it a blow. It gets rid of stray hairs or dust and makes it easier for washing later. I also turn the dryer on the toilet tank for the same reason.

112

My ex-husband used to do this, since floors were my responsibility and not his so it didn’t bug him that all the hair and dust wound up there.

113

It’s just me here so I do it all. I find vacuuming up the hairs and stuff off the floor is just so much easier than trying to wipe it up off the counters.

114

This was my thought too - Sol should really come back and finish the job - you did pay for it, after all.

Anyway - good for you - the before and after shots are quite amazing, but I’m with everyone else - based on your description your ‘before’ shots aren’t nearly as gross as I was expecting.

Enjoy your new clean space!

115

I know I’m forever saying thank you to everyone, but I hope you can stand another bunch of thanks. You guys are so awesome. I’m grateful to everyone, but if I may I’ll send an extra dollop of gratitude to shantih, because your words were particularly touching and kind, and moved me to tears. (Admittedly, as you can tell from my posts, I’m not exactly a tough person to make cry.)

But you’re all so kind and way too generous about the ‘before’ pics. Either that or you’ve become immune to mid-sized landfills after watching too many eps of Hoarders where people need a machete to chop their way through eight-feet-high piles of trash. Or, third option: the pics weren’t clear enough to show just how barely navigable my place was, not to mention the stained floors and rotting food in the garbage bags and fridge and dust, so much dust, everywhere. I live on the approach to the Queensborough Bridge (aka the 59th Street Bridge, or as we’re now calling it the “Ed Koch Queensboro Bridge,” ugh. Then again, it’s loud and obnoxious, so maybe it’s a good match!). The traffic leaving the city creates so much soot and grime that even nine floors up coats everything with a fine black powder unless you dust assiduously.

(I have never dusted assiduously.)

So yeah, it was awful and grimy and stinky, and just a horrible place that, I know I said this before but it is so true it bears repeating, was a total reflection of how I feel about myself, and how I deserve to live: like trash. Disposable, abandoned, broken, worthless trash. Every day I’d look at this shithole and think: This is all you’re entitled to; this is what you are.

Letting Sol in – letting you guys in, virtually speaking – was a surprising and wholly uncharacteristic act of boldness for someone who’s spent 45 years in fear of one thing or another, but especially fear of letting people see the real, highly flawed me. I wouldn’t have been able to do it if I hadn’t been fortunate in my immensely supportive sister and future brother-in-law, my choice of cleaning companies, their choice of a cleaning guy, and in the SDMB’s userbase that is, thankfully, quite supportive and compassionate, for all the snark and wiseassishness, if I may coin a phrase. Oh, and also incredibly fortunate to have found a therapist whose gentle guidance and understanding gave me encouragement to move forward with this. (Ooh, note to self: upload pics to Kindle so I can show my shrink the before/after shots.)

Anyway, the biggest difference is being able to see the floor again, and I keep looking over from my bed to the window area, and seeing space, and the light from the office building across from me, which is lit 24/7 much to my usual annoyance, shines through the blinds onto the floor and I can pretend it’s moonlight beaming in. Seeing all this air is like having been trapped in a closet for years and suddenly the door opens and your world expands.

On a more prosaic note, you guys are right that I should be in touch with the cleaning service. I think I missed out on about 3 - 3.5 hours or so (don’t remember exactly when Sol left) and that’s certainly enough time for him to tackle either the second closet or finish the kitchen. As long as I’m being brave and all, I should at least stick up for that… uh oh, let’s see if my rudimentary math skills are in order… $1200 / 5 days = $240 per day, divided by 7 (i.e. the number of hours they said I’d be getting, 10 - 5pm), so that’s, um, $34ish per hour, so for those lost 3 hours, let’s call it $100 or so, right? That’s 1/12th of the whole fee, so yeah, I should at least mention it. I certainly don’t want to imply that Sol was inefficient or anything – wasn’t his fault his supervisor pulled him off my job and thus left things in a less-than-finished state. (You should’ve seen the review I gave him. Nominations for Nobel Prizes couldn’t be half so effusive!)

Anyway. As I said, the best part of this whole experience was discovering that I could open up my fortress and, to quote Sting, set the barricades on fire. But no, actually that’s not entirely true. Tied for “best part” would be the idea that I could encourage someone else to do the same for themselves. The notion that I could have a positive impact on anyone is… well… revelatory.

I’ve written too much already. I’ll just end with my warmest, humblest thanks to all of you. Quite simply, y’all rock. You rock hard.

116

Ha, you let the sun (Sol) in? If I read that in a book I’d have rolled my eyes at how obvious the symbolism was. :slight_smile:

117

Great job, choie! You did a great thing. One more voice chiming in to say

  1. the before wasn’t what I expected, and even if it had been, who cares?
  2. you did the hardest parts already, successfully, and you should be proud,
    and yes,
  3. be sure to call the service.
    I hate phone calls myself, but you did pay for that time. It isn’t Sol’s fault, sure, but calling and asking isn’t going to hurt him. He’ll probably be happy to finish up and you can thank him all over again! :slight_smile:
118

I know, right? I swear to God I didn’t intend that when I thought of the name! I was just searching my brain for a good alias (which I wouldn’t have needed if I wasn’t identifying the company) and for some reason “Sol” seemed like a nice, down-to-earth name for a cleaning guy.

Thank you so much. And you’re definitely right. I ended up finishing the under-bed part on my own, and that required moving the top mattress (along with the “memory foam” topper and its separate, water/stainproof quilted cover), the box spring, and the frame that had been sort of broken during Sol’s cleaning/moving the bed around. (Well, not really broken; the screws had just fallen out.) Then there was throwing out the remaining junk beneath the bed, sweeping, replacing/fixing the frame, putting back the box spring, taking everything off the bare mattress and re-assembling the whole deal again, plus sheets and duvet. Let me tell you, those memory-foam toppers are awesome to sleep on but holy crap are they heavy!

So… yeah, that was a lot of work that Sol could probably have done in about 20 minutes, while it took me 90.

I’ll let you know how I fare when I call tomorrow. Confrontation’s not exactly my strong suit – except in SDMB Mafia games, apparently. (Waves to Mosier.) :smiley: But I think this is a reasonable enough request.

119

I don’t know how old you are, or if you have any strength/mobility problems, but something you might consider on going is to schedule for a once or twice a year professional cleaning. Not to declutter, but to do the things like pull your refrigerator forward to clean behind and dust the coils. Maybe to wax floors, or shampoo rugs, or wash windows, or clean your oven or whatever ‘heavy duty cleaning’ tasks you can’t or won’t want to tackle.

Then your cleaning chores will be only the relatively lightweight stuff you can knock off in just a few minutes a day: wipe down sink and countertops, dust, vacuum now and then. Maintenance stuff is always much easier than the deep cleaning things.

120

Choie,
Another thing you might want to treat yourself to, if you don’t already have it, is an automated litter box. With three indoor cats in a small apartment and little energy due to your depression, it probably is a very good investment. Here’s a Dope thread discussing the various types. .