What an interesting job. Is your real name Niecy Nash? 
As an insurance adjuster, I’ve been in a few places where I got squicked out just from walking through the place. I contracted head lice from a nasty house once. If I have to sit, I always look for a hard chair rather than upholstery but this time none was available.
A colleague of mine was cleaning a house after a fire and was completely covered in fleas when she left. Fleas, in her underwear and bra. Gah.
I’ve never seen a house cleaner (here in California) who wasn’t a (probably illegal) immigrant. Are you an immigrant, and if not how do you compete with them?
And you mentioned renting “steam cleaners” from the local store. Any brand preferences? Are professional cleaners better? How much better? Should I use the brand named soap, or use something else?
I HAD new, although inexpensive carpets. I have two Chihuahua puppies and urine stains EVERYWHERE. (They are the MOST resistant dogs I’ve ever seen.) I soak them up and use Natures Miracle. Some times I don’t find them very quickly.
Any advice?
Well, y’all are making me think, more, about my rates.
I was planning to raise them in the new year, but I wasn’t sure to how much.
Several things to outline first, though.
*I don’t only do squalor recovery. Some of my clients are reasonably clean people who just don’t have time to dust. I’m only telling the squalor stories because they’re interesting (and because Dung Beetle, who hasn’t shown up yet, asked). So I could have a basic rate and a squalor rate.
*It’s a weird coincidence that I was prompted to tell an anecdote that prompted someone to ask, because I only got back into this a few months ago. $9/hr meant more in the late '90s, when it was well above minimum…
*…but now I’m wondering about what the market will bear. Thing is, usually when someone needs me to shovel out, they’re also caught in a cycle of, not poverty, but keeping poverty barely at arm’s length. Not to say that they can’t go above nine, but I’m wondering just how much.
*I Love Me, if you really mean a maid service such as Merry Maids, bear in mind that they have a lot of overhead. And you may have paid them a rate that averaged out to $50/hr, but that’s sure not what I got when I worked for them!
*So in all seriousness, what do you think I could get away with, for regular dust-sweep-mop, and for squalor? Also bearing in mind that I’ve only had one true squalor situation since the fall. Most of my recent clients have been “Help me make the house ready for holiday guests!” when it’s hardly a disaster area, but just hasn’t gotten much detailing for a while.
Reepicheep: I just work around broken furniture. I’ve never encountered anything majorly unsafe like a large piece of broken glass. Another thing to bear in mind is that I’m not Kim or Aggie, or Niecy Nash. I don’t have a whole network backing me up, so I can’t insist that they do anything. I would love to tell them flat out, “You’re never going to “fix” that one-legged coffee table; it’s going to the curb.” But it’s their house, and they’re paying me.
The Weird One: Nature’s Miracle, like Dragon Lady said. DL, I don’t have a brand preference. I will say that if you think a professional carpet service will be better for your needs, by all means get one.
Ruby, I just don’t get squicked. Although I’ve never gotten fleas, either! The way I see it, I’m not there to visit, and it’s not going to stay the way it was when I got there. Sometimes I have been unable to eat the lunch I brought with me, but I’ve never been physically sick or anything. And I generally clean the bathroom first, which gets a lot of the potential squick out of the way.
Rigamarole, I was born in New Jersey (so go ahead with the jokes). I think in some cases not being an immigrant works in my favor, because I speak English.
I am obliged to jump in here and ask if you have had the furnace checked out by a professional. Soot marks from baseboard heaters are not normal, they are a sign there’s something wrong with the furnace. My mother had to have her furnace replaced. The insurance did pay for a cleaning team to come in and, well, clean - the walls, the ceilings, the woodwork, the rugs, curtains, windows, furniture, appliances. Everything (probably including mom’s lungs) in the house was covered with a film of soot.
What do you use to clean shower doors? Our water is really hard and rusty. I managed to clean the bathroom and my kitchen the faucet to a good shine using Shakelee’s scouring paste, but I’m not sure if I like that company (the paste has a weird smell). I love Kim and Aggie but I can’t for the life of me figure out what they’re saying and by the time I do they’ve moved on to another helpful hint.
I have a lady who comes over on the last Saturday of every month and works for five hours. It’s far from squalor here and I pay her $100.
Half vinegar, half water in a spray bottle. At least, that’s what they use. I use Comet and then rinse it real good. Also, you should get a plastic window wiper to wipe down the glass every time you use it.
This might sound weird, but do you… judge? If it’s a really filthy house, do you think to yourself things like, “Oh my god, what a pig!” Or is it all just a day’s work for you? I know people that will clean up because the maid is coming. Do you care, really, what the place looks like, or do you look at it as a positive- the dirtier the better because it takes longer?
I haven’t got any questions yet but I’m really really interested in the thread! Thanks for starting it.
And I agree that $9/hr is ridiculously low. I also totally understand the point about poverty–I know I can’t afford to hire anyone for more than that, which is why I have never had cleaning help! But my friends who hire help seem to pay up to $20/hour.
We pay one person $60 for 4 hours’ cleaning every other week. She does a better job than Merry Maids. Also, we tried some local cleaning gang services and had trouble. One service sent different people each time so we were always having to orient them, plus several times we wound up with cleaners walking in with whom one or the other of us had a multiple role relationship (for example, one of my students). With another service, we discovered that one of the cleaners had ripped off hundreds of dollars in CDs (taking the CD but leaving the case). (Yes, we are sure it was one of the cleaners because of the timing, the particulars of some of the CDS, and other factors.) For these reasons, we decided to hire one consistent cleaner. We are not squalor-producing, and she gets $15 an hour. You should charge at least that.
Rilchiam, I paid an outfit $35/hour/person–as much as $105 an hour–for a cleanup that wasn’t nearly as bad as some of yours sound; more hoard than squalor. And that’s in a cheaper city than L.A. You should definitely raise your rates.
I don’t have a cleaning person or service, but my neighbour does. She charges 120 dollars for half a day and she’s so busy that she’s not taking new clients.
Though it’s hard to say what the market will bear, I still think your prices are much too low. Ask around to see what the going rates are-- and don’t undersell your services. You can always negotiate with a client who has financial difficulties, should your kind heart guide you that way.
You could probably charge a lot more. I have someone come in every other week, who spends 2-3½ hours, usually closer to 2, and charges $90.
Do you just do squalor or do you also do post-disaster cleanup? (Flood residue, etc.)
Also if someone had, say, a sewer backup, which resulted in human feces and general nastiness, do you have someone to recommend who does deal with that kind of thing? (There is at least one such in Denver, called Stink Inc., and they were almost featured on Dirty Jobs, but it fell through.)
My maid here in Ohio charges $20 an hour–she’s independent too.
Dang…I wish I could get my hoarding pal to call the OP and get her landfill of a house cleaned out. It would take at least a week, though, and the HP hoards her money as well as her crap.
Sigh. I can only dream.
My oldest friend’s father is a hoarder. My friend’s mom has finally given up and ceded part of the home to him. It’s awful. I’ve known this family since I was a toddler and I am not looking forward to helping with the cleaning when he passes. They’re in the Westwood area, Rilch, so I may be sending you an email some day.
Okay, okay; I’ll raise my rates! 
No, I don’t judge, except for the kitten incident, which I’ll get to in a moment. For one thing, it’s what you said last: a challenging job ends up paying more. For another, since my goal is to make the place presentable, I don’t have time to dwell on how it looked at first.
I’ve had people greet me at the door half in tears, or trying to laugh away their embarrassment, and my response is always “It’s not that bad,” regardless of how bad it is. Followed by “And I’m here to help!” The thing is, as I’ve said in other threads, I was raised by slobs. My father is a hoarder, and my mom is one of those who gets uncomfortable if you do anything to disturb her beautiful chaos. I don’t have to live in these houses, and I’m effecting change, so it’s all good.
susan: We were told at Merry Maids (and I know it wasn’t them who stole from you) never to make any comments about the house or furnishings. Not even complimentary ones. Because if one of us said “Oh, what a beautiful jade paperweight!” and then the beautiful jade paperweight went missing, guess what…
lissener: I WISH we lived near each other. I could have made your home so sparkling (and you’d still have your Stetson…:().
Hilarity: No, I don’t do post-disaster. I’ve never been asked for a plumbing recommendation, either. Perhaps I should have one…
viva and hajario: Well, I’m here when you/they are ready! How much would you pay? 
Do you do dishes? Laundry?