Ask the Indian living in India

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I have a few questions as well.

[ol]
[li]Were you brought up Christian or converted?[/li][li]If converted, what was your birth religion?[/li][li]The wonderful lady from whom I buy all of my Indian groceries and my Saris sometimes acts a bit embarassed when she talks about her religion (she is Hindu), does this happen in India?***[/li][li]Do you wear traditional clothing or dress in Western style?[/li][li]Do you have a traditional name or were you given (or have you adopted) a more Western name?[/li][li]Is it becoming more common for Indians to name their children Western-sounding names? One of the call center reps with whom I had the (dis)pleasure of arguing insisted that her parents had named her “Daisy” – I was genuinely curious about this one.[/li][/ol]

***We don’t judge her – my husband is Pagan, I have no religion. We have purchased a bronze statue of Kali from her, so it’s obvious that we don’t disrespect her religion. The last time we were there, we were buying a bunch of incense and she commented that she uses one of the scents on her altar – then blushed and said “oh, you probably think that is very primitive” – which of course, we don’t.

22

Very interesting thread. Thanks for starting it.

A couple of questions of my own:

You said you’re a Christian. My understanding is that there are a lot of tensions between traditional Indian religions and Islam, which is a large part of the tension with Pakistan. I’m guessing that in Kerala, this isn’t a major factor for you. Is this accurate?

More to the point, though - do you have any problems because of your religious beliefs? How tolerant are your neighbors?

For a completely different topic - what’s your view on environmentalism, and how do you percieve your nation’s record on that? Is there much news about the annual smog cloud in Northern India? Or is that something that’s been overstated in US press?

23

Are you the only person left in Kerala? The rest seem to be here.

Have vending machines come on strong in India? Last time I was there, the lack of Pepsi machines struck me as odd.

24

[QUOTE=Anaamika]
OK. You ready?

Young Adults

  1. Do young adults date now?
  2. Do strangers still report back on you?
  3. I know the rumor mill is rampant there. Disgustingly so. Does it happen in upper class, too, or is the upper class sort of exempt?

Government/Corruption
When my uncle came to the States not too long ago he told me of some of the rampant corruption.

  1. Is it true the police are not to be trusted as often as not?
  2. Do they truly keep rich people for ransom, if arrested or taken in?
  3. Are bribes necessary for the simplest of things?

Attitude

  1. What do Indians as a whole think of the U.S.?
  2. Of U.S. citizens?
  3. Of ex-patriates, people who move away from India?

Homosexuality

  1. Is this any nearer to being accepted?
  2. Tell us about hijra. Everything you can, please.
  3. Is lesbianism even heard of?

Politics.

  1. How active is the average Indian citizen in politics?
  2. Is there a lot of resentment from non-Hindus when the country is referred to as Hindustan? I admit as a Hindu and as a speaker of Hindi I do refer to it this way.
  3. Are votes paid for?

I’m sure I have more, but that’s a start, I think, and that encompasses a huge portion of the culture! Also, please feel free to share anything else you like to. I’ll be back with more when you answer these.

Oh, one more thing. Dervorin - do you speak Hindi?
[/QUOTE]

I am at home now and hence this delay in posting .

I will reply in 2 or 3 posts and as briefly as possible
In india you have most people making Just USD 2 per day , and industrialists building USD 1 Billion homes. So generalisation is impossible, still I will try to answer you …

Young Adults

  1. Do young adults date now?

With all the american sitcoms, hindi sitcoms , urbanised living in cities, jobs in call centres etc.. YES , they do date , but mostly in cities . In rural India , they don’t date, but they do fall in love :wink:

  1. Do strangers still report back on you?

I didn’t get this . pl explain

  1. I know the rumor mill is rampant there. Disgustingly so. Does it happen in upper class, too, or is the upper class sort of exempt?

Rumor mill, slandering whatever you call it , yeah it is very much there and it transcends the urban rural divide..

But my guess is it is the same in U.S.A too ..
Government/Corruption
When my uncle came to the States not too long ago he told me of some of the rampant corruption.

  1. Is it true the police are not to be trusted as often as not?

There are corrupt cops everywhere , India is no different. But corrupt cops easily dupe the poor/illiterate who form the majority in India. But I will not generalise it.

  1. Do they truly keep rich people for ransom, if arrested or taken in?

Cops do take bribes, to give some preferred treatment. For instance a politician or top cop easily gets admitted into a hospital with chest pain on the very first day of his arrest . He stays in hospital till his bail plea is heard. Some times doctors even recommend hospital stay for longer periods .Holding a arrested man to ransom( meaning demanding a bribe not to charge him with a serious offence) is also possibility.
3. Are bribes necessary for the simplest of things?

Unfortunately in a lot of places , yes ..

Attitude

  1. What do Indians as a whole think of the U.S.?

I will not comment on the rural poor ( it doesn’t matter to them, they may not know what is U.S.A)

For the educated urban with some awareness of world around them

Except the few leftist comrades ( we still have’m here) , people generally have a good impression about U.S due to the economic propserity , technological leadership , outstanding educataion , superior quality of life.etc..

  1. Of U.S. citizens?

Good
3. Of ex-patriates, people who move away from India?
Truly smart guys..
Homosexuality

  1. Is this any nearer to being accepted?

No ! Still it is a very strict no-no in rural areas. In cities like mumbai /delhi , there are groups of gays out in the open fighting for their rights. At least awareness is more, than acceptance .
2. Tell us about hijra. Everything you can, please.

Hijras are castrated males .( In ancient India , the maharajas used them to guard their harems :wink: ) Some are born with female characteristics and choose to corss dress and join the group. Some are forced by others to join in .

They live in groups and in cities beg for alms. In the indian city of Bhopal , a hijra became chief of locally elected governing council.( an exception than a rule)

They pay homage to their god once a year in a temple in Tamil Nadu ( legend has it that hijras will be the wives of a god n next birth)
3. Is lesbianism even heard of?

Still rarer than gays.. Except the very rare press reports, I hardly ever see any news. forget acceptance

25

[QUOTE=Anaamika]
OK. You ready?

Young Adults

  1. Do young adults date now?
  2. Do strangers still report back on you?
  3. I know the rumor mill is rampant there. Disgustingly so. Does it happen in upper class, too, or is the upper class sort of exempt?

Government/Corruption
When my uncle came to the States not too long ago he told me of some of the rampant corruption.

  1. Is it true the police are not to be trusted as often as not?
  2. Do they truly keep rich people for ransom, if arrested or taken in?
  3. Are bribes necessary for the simplest of things?

Attitude

  1. What do Indians as a whole think of the U.S.?
  2. Of U.S. citizens?
  3. Of ex-patriates, people who move away from India?

Homosexuality

  1. Is this any nearer to being accepted?
  2. Tell us about hijra. Everything you can, please.
  3. Is lesbianism even heard of?

Politics.

  1. How active is the average Indian citizen in politics?
  2. Is there a lot of resentment from non-Hindus when the country is referred to as Hindustan? I admit as a Hindu and as a speaker of Hindi I do refer to it this way.
  3. Are votes paid for?

I’m sure I have more, but that’s a start, I think, and that encompasses a huge portion of the culture! Also, please feel free to share anything else you like to. I’ll be back with more when you answer these.

Oh, one more thing. Dervorin - do you speak Hindi?
[/QUOTE]

Politics.

  1. How active is the average Indian citizen in politics?

Very active..But is is a mix of race, religion, region etc. than some well laid out policy matters.
2. Is there a lot of resentment from non-Hindus when the country is referred to as Hindustan? I admit as a Hindu and as a speaker of Hindi I do refer to it this way.

In all official communications it is INDIA every where . Only some right wing parties use the term in their propoganda. I guess there will be some resentment among minorities..

  1. Are votes paid for?

In some rural pockets, yes !! But in past 10 years or so , the election commission ( they have lot of powers and conduct elections) got cracking , and it is not as rampant.( probably they do it very discreetly). We have a VERY active media who expose a lot of these things virtually everyday on national TV and hence to some extend check the rampant corruption.
I’m sure I have more, but that’s a start, I think, and that encompasses a huge portion of the culture! Also, please feel free to share anything else you like to. I’ll be back with more when you answer these.

Oh, one more thing. Dervori

26

[QUOTE=Litoris]
I have a few questions as well.

[list=1]
[li]Were you brought up Christian or converted?Born a Christian . Christianity reached Kerala in AD52 ( repeat AD 52) centuries before it reached Europe…[/li][li]If converted, what was your birth religion?COLOR=Blue]Not applicable , see above [/COLOR] [/li]
[li]The wonderful lady from whom I buy all of my Indian groceries and my Saris sometimes acts a bit embarassed when she talks about her religion (she is Hindu), does this happen in India?***[/li]
She may be embarassed because she is in a Christian country …In south of India it is easily recognised . But in north of India in some places locals are not aware much of Christianity’s roots in Kerala , and have asked me the same question that you asked. But I am never embarassed .

[li]Do you wear traditional clothing or dress in Western style?[/li]
I wear trousers and shirt ( western dress). When situation demands I wear jacket also ( aboad on business). Yoy will see the traditional indian dress in rural areas and in small cities. Or with people engaged in traditional jobs like farming , fishing .[/COLOR
[li]Do you have a traditional name or were you given (or have you adopted) a more Western name?[/li]
[COLOR=Blue]My parents were inspired by a great american president and have given me his first name. I use that name .Lot of Christians name their kids with traditional Indian names .
[li]Is it becoming more common for Indians to name their children Western-sounding names? One of the call center reps with whom I had the (dis)pleasure of arguing insisted that her parents had named her “Daisy” – I was genuinely curious about this one.[/li]
Lot of parents name their kids with typical christian names also , John, mathew,Luke,Savio,Alfred,Daisy,eric ( quite possible she really was daisy). In call centres american names are used for obvious reasons.

27

[QUOTE=Litoris]
Do you have a traditional name or were you given (or have you adopted) a more Western name?
[/quote]

If you don’t mind my butting in on this one … In India, very generally speaking, Christians whose Christianity is somehow related to the presence of colonials in the past have what they consider to be “Christian names,” which for the most part are ethnically English and Portuguese names. I don’t know about the Syrian Christian community, though, which was in existence long before colonialism.

My WAG – either she was a Christian or she was lying. But there is a chance she was telling the truth. Amongst Bengalis, for example, it’s not unheard of for children to be named after prominent authors, artists, and revolutionaries. A lot of Panjabis have what sound like Westernized or made up names – Dimple, Sparkle, etc.

A lot of Hindus who live in the West are sensitive to the idea that the majority Christian culture views their religion to be inferior in some way – idol-worshipping, polytheistic, etc.

28

[QUOTE=OtakuLoki]
Very interesting thread. Thanks for starting it.

A couple of questions of my own:

You said you’re a Christian. My understanding is that there are a lot of tensions between traditional Indian religions and Islam, which is a large part of the tension with Pakistan. I’m guessing that in Kerala, this isn’t a major factor for you. Is this accurate?

Accurate .. Kerala is known for is religious harmony. Islam in kerala is very peaceful , since it came through trade relations between kerala and the middle east. In north of India Islam came though forced conversions/killings/rape etc and those tensions still remain.
More to the point, though - do you have any problems because of your religious beliefs? How tolerant are your neighbors?

None ! They do not know much about christianity though. But the same may not be the case with Muslims. They tend to live in colonies. I live among Hindus. None of them eat meat or fish . And I respect that by not hurting their feelings by showing them meat and fish in an offensive way . I cook and eat at home, they also konow that . But there could be problmes where you have fanatic religious hindus

For a completely different topic - what’s your view on environmentalism, and how do you percieve your nation’s record on that? Is there much news about the annual smog cloud in Northern India? Or is that something that’s been overstated in US press?
[/QUOTE]

I am all for protecting the environment. And I belive we should put in in the school curriculum for making a real impact. In Kerala there was / is an out break of chikun gunia. Now the state has woken up and banned all plastic bags below 40 micron thickness , which was choking the drains heling mosquitos breed. Now schools are imparting the education on this .

The awareness is mostly among the urban educated population. Indis’s track record as a developing nation is poor on environmental issues. But there is a lot of debate going on and national press gives a lot of coverage. My feeling is that india is still using " Let the industrialised nations do it first " we need to industrialise first to grow" kind of argument.

29

[QUOTE=Paul in Saudi]
Are you the only person left in Kerala? The rest seem to be here.

Hi Paul, I am a non-resident Keralite.. :wink: Lot of them are in middle east .

Have vending machines come on strong in India? Last time I was there, the lack of Pepsi machines struck me as odd.
[/QUOTE]

Yep !! They put a condom vending machine in a school in punjab, but had to remove it since perents protested..

You get pepsi in every corner shop now , why do you need vending machines ( they have it in airports)

30

[QUOTE=Paul in Saudi]
Have vending machines come on strong in India? Last time I was there, the lack of Pepsi machines struck me as odd.
[/QUOTE]

Human labour and small neighbourhood businesses with excellent customer service are plentiful and cheap in India. Mechanized commerce is both unnecessary and a threat to the social and commercial fabric.

31

I’m visiting India with my 18-month-old son and my husband (who is from India) in December. We’re going until the middle/end of January. What’s acceptable attire? I’m obviously not planning on wearing shorts (it seems disrespectful), but what would someone from the U.S. or other western countries wear soas not to offend my husband’s family?

We’d also like to bring gifts. Is there anything we should or shouldn’t bring?

Also, in general, my husband mentioned offhand that most little boys were completely doted upon while little girls were sometimes, but to a far lesser extent than boys. Though he also said that more was expected of boys. In general, is that true or just a specific experience my husband had? Also, how much is typically expected of little children?

My husband’s family drove him really, really hard from an extraordinarily young age to excel in math and engineering. He had already begun to learn things like multiplication and the value of pi by the time he was 6. He indicated that it was very common in many families for children, particularly young boys, to be driven to excel from very early ages. How early does that “encouragement” start and is such pushing common?

For what it’s worth, my husband has family in the north and the south and we’ll be going to Delhi, Bombay, Madras and Rajkot.

32

[QUOTE=overlyverbose]
I’m visiting India with my 18-month-old son and my husband (who is from India) in December. We’re going until the middle/end of January. What’s acceptable attire? I’m obviously not planning on wearing shorts (it seems disrespectful), but what would someone from the U.S. or other western countries wear soas not to offend my husband’s family?

We’d also like to bring gifts. Is there anything we should or shouldn’t bring?

Also, in general, my husband mentioned offhand that most little boys were completely doted upon while little girls were sometimes, but to a far lesser extent than boys. Though he also said that more was expected of boys. In general, is that true or just a specific experience my husband had? Also, how much is typically expected of little children?

My husband’s family drove him really, really hard from an extraordinarily young age to excel in math and engineering. He had already begun to learn things like multiplication and the value of pi by the time he was 6. He indicated that it was very common in many families for children, particularly young boys, to be driven to excel from very early ages. How early does that “encouragement” start and is such pushing common?

For what it’s worth, my husband has family in the north and the south and we’ll be going to Delhi, Bombay, Madras and Rajkot.
[/QUOTE]

I can answer some of these.

  1. Wear long pants and cool clothes. I wouldn’t wear shorts to India, either, but then I don’t wear shorts to, say, Canada. I hate the idea of wearing overly-casual crap everywhere you go!
  2. Gifts are expected. Anything cool, gadgety or distinctly American is appreciated.
  3. Girls vs. boys. Well, the girls are generally not considered your own. Girls are only your own until marriage, when they go to their own families. Though I’ve seen it the way you mention I’ve seen it the other way, too, that the girl is spoiled and loved and cosseted because the mother knows when she goes to her in-laws she will have to work for the rest of her life.
  4. Even here in the States Indian children are pushed much, much harder. C’s were never acceptable and B’s showed you could get A’s but weren’t trying hard enough. My parents never really believed I was really weak in math, they thought I just didn’t want to do the work!

Further questions from me, and thank you a million times for answering:

  1. What’s the average school day like?
  2. Is capital punishment still very common in schools?
  3. Do only English standard schools teach English, or do the regular ones do so also?
  4. I forget but I think your concept of “public” vs “private” schools is opposite of us. Please remind me what these terms mean to me?
  5. Does school concentrate on rote memorization?

ascenray, I forget, are you atheist?

33

[QUOTE=overlyverbose]
I’m visiting India with my 18-month-old son and my husband (who is from India) in December. We’re going until the middle/end of January. What’s acceptable attire?
[/quote]

As Anaamika noted, the biggest thing is not to expose your legs. And that goes for adult men as well as women. Women must always wear bras, even at home – wobbling is not acceptable.

My suggestion would be as soon as you get there, get a couple of tailor-made Indian outfits – they’re relatively inexpensive, usually quite attractive, and incomparably comfortable, especially for the local climate. Exchange your socks and shoes for strappy sandals.

Something small for the lady of the house, for the mother, and for each of the children is appropriate. Back in the 1970s and 1980s we would often bring things like radios, cassette recorders, and cordless telephones. But these days technology is easily available in India and some Indians take such gifts as a kind of insult (“what, you think we don’t have this stuff?”). Small, culture-specific, artsy/craftsy things are often appreciated. Usually, parents love it when their children are given books – books are always considered appropriate gifts for children.

Generally speaking, in my experience, little boys are expected to be “smart” – that is, being socially interactive, able to converse with adults, give the proper customary responses, not be bashful or shy.

Adults like it when a small boy displays confidence and knows how to interact and displays the proper degrees of respect (e.g., addressing and referring to adults by relationship title and not by name or pronoun).

Boys are also often quizzed on Indian culture, history, mythology, etc., and it is appreciated when they display some level of awareness or knowledge and especially if they are able to appreciate the food!

But, reminding myself that your son is only a year and a half old – I doubt much of this will really be in play.

Also note that children, especially boys, are absolutely doted on by adults, even strangers. They will want to hold him and play with him and pass him around and give him all kinds of goodies. Grandparents quite often interfere with parents’ attempts to discipline a small child.

I don’t know how it works in other ethnic groups but in Bengali culture, the father’s family generally takes the role of disciplinarian whereas the mother’s family generally takes the role of indulger.

It’s very common among middle class families and can start quite early – age 4 or 5.

34

[QUOTE=Anaamika]
ascenray, I forget, are you atheist?
[/QUOTE]

Yes.

Overly, from the perspective of an American visiting an Indian family, I think I can add a few things —

At home, your sense of privacy likely will be significantly trespassed. Indian households don’t really have a concept of “this is my room and my privacy is important here.” Family members, servants, etc., go in and out of rooms, look through personal items. Most probably, people will know what is in your suitcase. Likely you will be given access to a locked cabinet – keep your most private items there, where curious children (or others) are not likely to come across them.

35

Also – Unless your bedroom has an attached bathroom, it’s likely you’ll have to cross public areas of the house to bathe. You must be fully dressed during these times – can’t tromp around in just a bathrobe in front of the children and elders. Best to have an old-fashioned “nightgown” or somesuch to change into at bedtime.

36

I forgot about the privacy thing. Funny how something I would never put up with here - peopel going through my stuff - I have no issue with at all there. I actually enjoy it!

Storekeepers are called “bheya” (brother) or “behen” (sister).
I doubly and triply recommend the idea of buying some Indian clothes. The awesome thing is you can get them custom-fitted for fairly cheap. I mean, we just don’t do that in the States - it’s expensive! And tailors can do things in lightning speed, they’re amazing.
On the bathroom thing, you will most likely have to buy some Bata rubber flip-flops since we get the whole bathroom wet when we bathe.

37

[QUOTE=acsenray]
.. the biggest thing is not to expose your legs. And that goes for adult men as well..
[/QUOTE]

What would happen if I did? Would it be different if I was a super obvious american tourist, you know, camera around neck, khaki shorts, tennis shoes, and I’m wandering around looking at stuff. And for indian, I understand the government is trying to help “untouchables” become more accepted but what’s the average person really feel/think about them?

38

[QUOTE=Burrido]
What would happen if I did?
[/quote]

Nothing would happen probably. You’d make people (especially your husband’s elders) feel uncomfortable.

The main difference is that people are more comfortable thinking, “Look at the bad taste of those western tourists” than they are thinking “My husband has married a woman with really bad taste and no sense of propriety.” It’s all about what you are willing to subject your relatives too.

Me, I have no problem in letting my relatives think I have no taste or propriety. I’m not a girl, so I can get away with it a little easier.

39

Fascinating thread!

Somewhere around fifteen years ago, I really became aware of India, Indian food, etc*, and suddenly a few things passed down from my English grandparents made sense: rice pudding, words like “bungalow” and “doolally”, etc. I have also started to like Indian food, though I know very little about it. And I love the deep shimmering colours I see in Indian fabrics.

The English left India in 1947, or so I learned. Did any of them stay?

I have always found it amazing that the English mananged to stay as long as they did in India; the cultures must have almost been at war. A people known as “beefeaters” in a country where the living cow is sacred and given her freedom?

Do Indian people tend to associate closely within their group, as for friendship, marriage, etc? Does the caste system still rule socially?

Would a Canadian guy be of any interest to Indian women?

[sub]*And especially Sheila Chandra, the Anglo-Indian singer. I saw her live in Toronto at the Power Plant and it was one of the most amazing concerts I have ever been to.[/sub]

40

What’s the feeling about the British 60 years after independence?